Looking for some inspirational quotes for when you’re down? Whether you face winter blues, a creative lag, an episode of depression, or simply need something to give you a little boost, here are 5 inspirational quotes for you!
A wonderful aloha value that goes with this is ha’aha’a, humility. It’s so easy to get wrapped up in the things we’re doing. We sometimes place our value in what we create, complete, or succeed at… but we lose ourselves when we do that. Let’s not take ourselves too seriously, laugh at mistakes, enjoy life, and be grateful!
Sometimes sadness comes on because we have high expectations. When expectations aren’t met we face disappointment. This is a principle I’ve had to teach myself, because when I place expectations on others, myself, or certain situations, I get upset when things don’t go as planned. Instead of trying to force our agenda and will on things out of our control, let’s just appreciate the moment. Appreciate being present, being here.
We would never wish hardships or trials on others, and often times we wish we didn’t have to go through the challenges we’ve been given. But with an eternal perspective, we can see that challenges don’t define us, but they can refine us.
Values like ho’ohana, ho’omau, and ‘ike loa, teach us to be happy where we are. We don’t have to wait for the perfect circumstances or even start in the same place as others. We can create paradise where we are, as my debut novel, “Aloha State of Mind,” talks about!
Sometimes we get into bad moods because we aren’t actively seeking something. Are we looking to have more peace, more hope, or joy? What will we do to get there? With the value of ‘ike loa, we can “see much.” And with the value of imi ‘ola, we can seek the highest and best in life, helping us find answers to our questions and needs.
Prayer is also a beautiful way to “seek” and find, as this quote comes from a popular scripture. When we connect with God, we can feel loved and worthy. ❤︎
Your turn
What are your favorite inspirational quotes for when you’re down?
Trauma. It happens to all of us. Though it may come in different shapes and sizes, its effects can linger long past the event itself. Abuse, accident, death, grief, and mental illness are a few of the big examples of trauma, but even other things like slamming the brakes, being yelled at, or a consistent, negative event can cause trauma.
I grew up in Hawaii, but that didn’t mean my life was perfect. Hawaii is where most of my trauma occurred, from dealing with a narcissistic, abusive family member and poverty to building houses as an adolescent and surviving periods of hunger. My body and mind changed a lot from these events, and I initially used creativity and numbness as ways to survive the after-effects of the trauma. Years later, I’ve found better ways to overcome and heal.
While our initial reactions to trauma vary, all of us eventually find ways to cope with the after effects of trauma, from exercising to therapy and much more. When we choose healthy ways to cope and deal with our trauma, cumulatively, they will help us heal. That is the hopeful thing: though it may take time to heal from trauma, every effort we put into our healing can help us feel better, more confident, and develop methods that work specifically for us. We can each learn valuable lessons from trauma that helps us move forward with grace and aloha.
I don’t have all the answers, but from my own personal journey, I’ve discovered some ways to heal and ho’omau, endure and keep moving forward, despite the hard things I’ve gone through.
This article explores 8 methods that have worked for me in recovering from trauma. But it doesn’t even being to explore all the ways we can overcome it. In fact, entire books have been dedicated to the very topic of trauma, so this article barely skims the surface. Healing comes in different ways, so the ideas that have worked for me not might work for you. And that’s absolutely ok! 🙂
Heal with Aloha
However, if there’s one thing I want my readers to get out of this is that healing from trauma, abuse, or other tragic events should always be done with aloha.
I frequently talk about coming “from a place of love.” We should always give ourselves the same aloha that we so willingly offer others. This aloha includes honoring and respecting our bodies, minds, time, and space. In whatever trauma recovery method you participate in, make sure it comes from a place of aloha. Ask yourself if it’s what you truly need and want, and if it honors you and your unique way of healing.
The following list covers ideas that I hope will help you on your healing journey but please come from a place of love as you choose which to implement (or not). 💙
Trauma recovery obligatory disclosure
I am not a medical or mental health professional. I’m just sharing what has worked for me, soplease do any of these exercises or activities at your discretion and know that I won’t be held liable if anything bad happens. I hate putting this part in my articles but I have to, so there it is. Ok, let’s continue!
Overcome the numbness
Trauma creates this feeling of numbness. For me that numbness lasted a few months. It was the only way I could survive at the time, so please don’t judge yourself if you “can’t feel anything.” This is your body’s natural reaction to an unnatural event. The body is overloaded with emotions, and doesn’t know what to do except numb. Some people even make this numbing worse by resorting to drugs and/or alcohol. But we shouldn’t try to further the numbness.
The key is to awaken from the numbness. As much as we don’t want to feel the pain of all the emotions, we should let our bodies process through. Some people do this by talking with others through therapy or even with a trusted family member or friend. I process through my emotions by exercising, journaling, and spending quiet time alone. Recently I’ve joined a TRE class and that has worked phenomenally for me too. As humans we want to avoid pain as much as possible, which is why we numb. But when we become numb, we are keeping our bodies and minds from healing. Staying present and feeling through the pain is one of the greatest things we can do to work through trauma.
There is beauty in pain, and as difficult as that concept seems, I can see so clearly how my trauma has molded me into who I am today. We’ve all heard that our challenges don’t define us, but they can refine us. This is exactly the case with the feelings of numbness. Recognize numbness as a natural reaction then allow ourselves to feel the emotions. When we allow ourselves to feel, we help ourselves process and move forward on our healing journey.
Do what brings joy
Stop doing stuff you don’t want to do. It’s simpler than it sounds because it requires us to truly listen to ourselves. Pa’a ka wahais the Hawaiian value meaning to “close the mouth.” And that could include the chatter in our heads. Take time to be still, listen to God, listen to you, and truly ask yourself: What brings me joy? And continue forward in that direction.
For me, creating, writing, and a clean, quiet space bring me joy. I don’t like to be in crowded places (it’s quite overstimulating) or with people I feel obligated to hang out with. So I’m making efforts to stop doing those things I don’t really want to do. We can all do better at this, as our natural tendency is to want to help, serve, and, sometimes, even please others.
But coming from a place of love, we honor our time, space, and energy. Laulima means “many hands” so remember that you don’t have to do everything for everyone. There are many hands to help out and contribute, so do what would honor you and those around you.
Forgive
Huikala and ho’oponopono are two Hawaiian values that mean forgiveness and making things right. Forgiveness brings freedom. I know it’s hard to let go of the hurt that people have caused you, especially when you were completely innocent.
Huikala. Let it go. As a Christian, I believe Christ can help ease our burdens. Even the very thought of reaching to him can bring warmth, relief, and love to help us forgive others. ☀️
Find your people. Appreciate and serve them.
Let go of relationships not serving you. People come and go in seasons of our lives, so it’s ok if you don’t keep in contact with each one at every moment of every day. This is a huge reason I left social media (Facebook, specifically). I didn’t need to stay in contact with every single person I met through my entire life. I truly appreciated them when we lived in the same location or attended the same local church.
But I don’t need to know every detail of their lives. In fact, I can list the 5-6 people in my current circle of friends right now—my people, who love, support, and cheer me on. They know what’s going on in my life and I know what’s going on in theirs. Some of them are friends from the past and we have one anothers’ emails and phone numbers, and some of them are people in my current life like church friends, neighbors, family, and more. These are my people.
With trauma, we are overloaded… with emotions, information, and copious amounts of stress. We don’t need more stress by over-connecting with others.
Find your people—your people, your tribe, the ones who know, love, and truly care about you. And be ok letting the others go. I’m not saying to “unfriend” them or be unkind, but be ok not getting together all the time, interacting with all their posts, or answering every call. Again, we must show aloha towards ourselves and honor that we are healing. We can’t keep overloading ourselves, and your people will honor and respect that too.
Appreciate and serve your people as well. It will bring a deep joy and satisfaction to your life to support your loved ones.
Pono – Live balanced
Ponois the Hawaiian value meaning “correct, righteousness,” and “balance.” Live balanced. Work to maintain good health in every aspect: physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. There’s not much to say about this except that being healthy helps with confidence, releases endorphins, and boosts motivation.
Embrace the inner child
I’ve heard the term “inner child” tossed around here and there, and I’ve kind of come to love and define it in a way that makes sense for me. Have you ever imagined or visualized yourself going through trauma? Whenever I think of the things I’ve gone through and see myself in those situations, I just want to give my younger self a big hug. She was scared, exhausted, and dying inside, when she really just wanted to feel safe, protected, and loved.
To me, those inner voices pleading for help are the inner child. The inner child is the one who needed a hug, the one who so desperately needed words of validation, the one who craved to be creative yet held back because of the unkind words of others.
When the traumatic event is behind us, can we embrace the inner child? To me, this is showing ourselves aloha. We’re giving ourselves the love, validation, forgiveness, kindness, safety, and protection we so desperately needed as we went through traumatic events.
For me this also looks like embracing who I truly am: a creative, a writer, an artist, and so much more. My younger self deeply wanted to be all these things, but trauma held me back. Now, I’m embracing that, and it’s given me a huge sense of freedom and joy.
We can all embrace who we’re truly meant to be and that can bring so much satisfaction and motivation in life. Creativity also gives us a zest for life. Here is one of my favorite speeches about finding joy in life and pertains to healing/loving ourselves: Finding Joy in Life
Journal
This is self explanatory, but I know that journaling doesn’t come naturally for some people. A person who goes through a traumatic event might ask, What is there to write about? There’s pretty much anything and everything you could ever want to write about in a journal: feelings, dreams, goals, inspiration, stories, ideas, quotes, and so forth. Your journal is what you want it to be. I like to write about the ups and downs in my life, and the lessons I learn from them, as it helps me process, forgive, and move forward with aloha. Honestly, write whatever you want but know that writing helps us process, and processing helps us heal.
Find your calm
I’ve recently discovered two things that help me calm down and de-stress after traumatic events: exercising and/or reading a book. My brain, on overload, wants to blow up. Exercising helps me shake out the adrenaline. Reading a book helps me calm down. It took me too many years to discover this about myself, so maybe you can shorten that process by finding what works for you. It could be exercising, cooking, eating, walking, listening to music, going to a specific place, etc. Find your calm, the activities that help ground and bring you back to the present.
Reach out to God
With trauma, a person can go one of two ways in their religious activities. One person might devote more time to God, while another steps away. Again, please recognize that these are natural reactions to trauma. With the overload, we might think, “If I’m more spiritual, I’ll feel better” or “I just can’t handle anything right now.” And that’s OK. Just as we shouldn’t judge ourselves for numbing after traumatic events, we shouldn’t judge ourselves for going one way or another with religion and spirituality.
The key, however, is reaching out to God. I know it’s hard. A lot of people say, “I am a good person, so why did this happen to me?” and they don’t want to reach out to God. That’s also a natural reaction, so withhold judgment there. I don’t know all the answers, but I do know trauma has refined me in such a way that I’m stronger, more resilient, and compassionate. I would never wish my trauma on anyone else, but I know that those who have suffered similar and survived understand the molding and growth that the trauma put them through. And when it sometimes felt like God was quiet, I now understand that I probably needed to go through that so I could have more empathy and compassion for others.
Reaching out to God, even in prayer, is never a waste. We might not get the answers we want right away, but we can show him our faith, and that will always yield blessings.
Conclusion
Trauma is a part of life. We can’t avoid it, but we can purposefully do things to help us heal and ho’omau through our journey. There’s a scripture I found recently that I really like. It says to “have mercy… deal justly, judge righteously, and do good” (Alma 41:14). Everything about this is aloha. Have mercy with yourself as you heal. Deal justly with how you treat yourself, judge righteously instead of shaming yourself for natural reactions, and keep doing good. Do good to others, and do good to yourself.
This is a hard but beautiful journey. This is beauty in the pain, light in the darkness, and life from the ashes. Live aloha and ho’omau. You got this.
Sending aloha and good vibes,
Lei
Trauma recovery additional resources
Healing the Tragic Scars of Abuse: One of my favorite speeches that really hits home. He is so compassionate in this speech and his faith inspires me to have more faith.
The Infinite Power of Hope: I think a lot of healing comes from having hope: the hope of feeling better, the hope that things get better, the hope that life will turn out the way it should, etc. This speech is heartwarming, easy to relate with, and full of hope!
The Revolutionary Trauma Release Process by David Bercelli: I am currently taking a TRE class and enjoying it thoroughly. The concept of “shaking it off” might seem too weird for some people so do what works for you. Everything about this course makes sense and works for me and if you decide to try it out, I recommend going to a class first. It’s helpful to have an instructor keep an eye on and help you get the exercises and tremoring down before doing it on your own. Since I heal and cope well with exercise, it makes sense to let my body heal through shaking off trauma. The body is incredibly smart!
What are your thoughts on trauma recovery? Is there a method or idea that has worked for you that I haven’t listed here? Or have you tried any of the ideas in this list? Let us know in the comments below. Mahalo for your help!
The holidays should be a time of gratitude, reflection, and light… but for most of us it can also be a time of extreme holiday stress, especially because of all the expectations: gift giving, hosting parties, going to parties, giving treats to the neighbors, getting together with family, etc… It can feel pretty horrible when there’s family drama going on too (trust me, I’ve been there and get it).
While there’s the rush and bustle in the stores, and the unmerciful marketing strategies telling you to “buy this” or “buy that,” the simplicity of the holidays disappear—even a homemade gift makes you feel like a failure.
But it doesn’t have to be that way. You CAN avoid the holiday stress and actually enjoy the season! When you take good care of yourself, you’re better able to help others—and enjoy it too! Christmas doesn’t have to be a burden. With some planning and simple strategies, you can avoid the holiday stress this year!
1. Remember the reason for the season
When you really pause and remember WHO we are celebrating at Christmas time, it can change your whole perspective. As you admire and reflect on the birth of Jesus Christ, you can add so much light to your life. The hustle and bustle, the pressure, and the stress all become silent when you focus on Christ.
2. Limit social time
If you tend to feel drained after being around people, it’s a good idea to limit your social time. The holidays are full of parties and get-togethers. Give yourself permission to NOT have to attend each one, and only do what you can handle.
3. Use a planner
Instead of trying to remember everything, use a planner to organize your life and thoughts. I created the Holiday Self Care Planner to stay organized, keep up my routines, and just take care of myself, especially during the cold of the winter. You can use this planner or others to alleviate the stress and free up your mind.
4. Snuggle up with a loved one
Take a breather and snuggle up with your spouse, a furry friend, or your boyfriend/girlfriend. Just being close to another living soul brings perspective, peace, and even joy back into you.
5. Prioritize your time
Ask yourself, what do I REALLY want to get done? It’s so easy to get distracted from the things that matter most. Instead of rushing all over the place to buy gifts or food, ask yourself what you really want this Christmas, then intentionally follow through with your answers.
6. Serve more
When we lift the burdens of others, our own burdens are lifted too. Serving doesn’t have to be something huge, although volunteering and donating are wonderful ways to give. Service can be as simple as visiting a friend, texting a loved one, smiling, or showing gratitude.
7. Forgive others
Family and friends can get on your nerves during the holidays. Well, nobody is perfect so this holiday season try to intentionally forgive others. If someone says something rude, ungrateful, or sarcastic, make an intentional choice to forgive them.
8. Be grateful
This is such a simple tip, but taking a moment to thank someone sincerely (even strangers like cashiers at the stores, etc), writing a gratitude list, or saying a prayer of gratitude will fill your heart with joy.
9. Treat yourself
It’s so easy to let self-care slip during the holiday season. Healthy eating disappears, routines go out the window, and basic self care just doesn’t happen. Be intentional with taking care of yourself during the holidays. Winter blues and holiday stress can hugely impact your mental and physical health. Try a 30-day Self Care Challenge or put the Simple Self Care Checklist somewhere you can see it.
10. Write lists
I’ve always been a fan of lists. When you write lists, you are able to organize your thoughts better. I used to write a lot of “Control” lists because my life felt so out of control. Other list ideas are fears, wants, needs, gratitude, etc. To clear your mind, write lists on your phone, a napkin, just about anything you can write with.
11. Find beauty
If you’re too busy, the beauty of the winter season can slip right by. Find beauty in the lights, the snow, and the decorations. I’ve never been a great Christmas decorator so I appreciate the efforts of others with their lights and themed decorations. I also really appreciate the beauty and magic of fresh snow.
12. Be patient
Know that the holiday/winter season is just that… it’s a season. It passes. There’s a quote that says life is meant to be enjoyed, not just endured. However, if there are some moments that you need to just “endure,” give yourself grace and love in these times.
13. Don’t compare yourself with others
When you’re looking at social media, the marketing at stores, or even your neighbors, you might start to compare your holiday season with theirs. Know that your Christmas/holiday season and experience is unique to you and that your life and timeline is completely different. Also remember that instead of feeling jealousy, you can intentionally choose to feel happy for others. Sure, you’re not where they are, but know that your journeys are different.
14. Keep it simple
I don’t know about you, but it stresses me out majorly when things get complicated. You don’t have to attend every social gathering, do all the traditions, or spend tons of money. I’ve found that the simpler you keep things, the traditions, gifts, and season become much more meaningful.
15. Budget
Budgeting is super underrated (and sometimes not even done!) during the holidays, and people end up spending way too much money at Christmas time. With the pressure, the hustle, and the merciless marketing, it’s easy to feel like you owe everyone something. Even if you buy little things for everyone, it definitely adds up. Limit the holiday stress by setting a budget and keeping your commitments to that budget.
Conclusion
I hope you can find more peace and less stress this holiday season by applying at least one or some of these tips. Joy isn’t something that is beyond your reach, even in the cold, the busy-ness, and the hustle of the holidays. As you take a deep breath, refocus, and center yourself on the real reason for the season, your capacity to love and serve increases, and you can create paradise right where you are.
Wishing you a very merry Christmas and joyful new year!
What would it feel like to be a happier person this next year? It’s easy to look back at 2019 and think, “Dang… It was a rough year…” or you might be pulling your hair, saying, “I had WAY too much going on this year!” Either way, the end of the year brings a lot of self-reflection.
You can’t change the things that happened in 2019, but you can look forward to 2020, a year to start fresh. It’s new beginnings, one of my favorite things. There’s no limit to the amount of happiness you can have in this life, so why not make 2020 your happiest year?
The following tips are ways I’ve used to be a happier person and by applying some (or all) of these ideas, expect to be a more joyful/happier person in 2020!
1.Be grateful
Never underestimate the power of gratitude. Instead of looking at the things you lack, look at the things you have. Make more efforts to express gratitude, whether you have a goal of expressing thanks to someone daily, keeping a gratitude journal, or making weekly gratitude lists.
2. Set goals + work towards them
New Years Resolutions are the best way to become a happier person. When you truly work towards something that brings you life, your motivation increases and you actually look forward to each day.
3. Dream big
When you set your goals for the new year, dream big. There’s nothing wrong with the childlike wonder of dreaming big and taking action steps to do what you always wanted to do! If you don’t dream big, what do you have to look forward to? So if you always wanted to take a vacation to Hawaii or see the Eiffel tower, dream big and make it a goal! Make plans to get yourself there and as you work diligently towards your dreams, you will enjoy the journey!
4. Change up little things (like morning/evening routines)
If you’ve felt like you’ve been stuck in a rut this past year, change up little things, like your morning and evening routine. Or if you’re not very organized, change things up and get a planner for the new year. If you don’t have routines or systems, 2020 is a great time to start! Daily, consistent, little changes will add up over time and make big changes in your life.
5. Be consistent with a morning/evening routine
Following up with the last tip… be consistent. If you haven’t developed a morning/evening routine, 2020 is your time to shine. You don’t have to get up at 5:30 right away, but work your way up to the time you want to wake up. Keeping these small commitments to yourself helps you build trust with yourself and increases productivity, confidence, and creativity.
6. Celebrate small victories
Let me just say you’re already doing great! The fact that you are even reading this shows that you’re working on improving yourself and seeking more joy in your life. Celebrate the small victories: getting up on time, working out, smiling at someone, making yourself pretty for the day, etc…
7. Stay healthy + make it fun
If you weren’t able to reach your health goals this year, you have a chance at it next year. 🙂 I’ve found that in order to stay healthy, you gotta make it fun. I’m a runner so I enjoy blasting my music and going for a run—it makes me feel really good. But I know so many women who love Zumba or High Fit. So find the workout that makes you sweat but is also fun!
8. Drink more water
This is self-explanatory, but do your body + skin + health a favor by drinking enough water. If you need to, put it on your daily to-do list so you don’t forget.
9. Try something new (hobby)
Is there something you always wanted to do? Like learn a language or pick up a new skill? When you dream big and set your goals, don’t forget to add in these little things to try. Doing new things will help you enjoy life more!
10. Plan a fun vacation
Always wanted to travel? Plan something fun for the year! Work it with your budget and then go for it—there is no better time to travel than now! The world is waiting for you!
11. Become a budget master
With all of your big dreams and traveling, you might need some $$$ to get around! There are so many awesome apps, books, and blogs to help you get started with budgeting. The more control you have over your money, the better you’ll feel this year!
12. Journal more
You don’t have to write in your journal for the big moments only… you can write little things each day. How did you feel? What did you learn? Who did you meet? What are you grateful for? Writing our thoughts + experiences improves our memory and helps us feel more gratitude in our daily lives.
13. Go on more dates
Whether you’re married or single, you can be a happier person in 2020 by going on more dates! Get together with a bunch of friends and do something fun, or plan a romantic dinner with your loved one. Going on dates helps rekindle friendships and love. It also keeps things interesting!
14. Read inspirational books (maybe one a month?)
Let this be your year of growth and learning by reading more books, especially inspirational ones. Self help books and memoirs can enhance your perspective and help you enjoy life. I set a goal to read at least one book a month but set a goal according to your needs and lifestyle. Some of my favorite books to get started with are “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People” and “Managing with Aloha.”
15. Unfollow negativity (people, politics, etc)
Detox your social media accounts by unfollowing anything that lowers your vibe: sarcasm, porn, bullying, etc. If it’s not giving you light, it’s not worth following.
16. Be more spiritual + connect more with God
Let 2020 be your year to connect more with God. Setting goals to do daily prayer and scripture study can open your heart to greater love, understanding, and wisdom.
17. Be positive + optimistic
The next time you’re driving or talking to someone, listen to your thoughts and words. Are they negative—towards yourself or others? Are you belittling yourself or complaining? Make a conscious effort to retrain your words and mind. You’ll be surprised at the results.
18. Avoid sarcasm + gossiping
Similar to the previous tip, just be positive. Sarcasm and gossiping or two of the lowest kinds of energy—in fact, it sucks away the good energy instead of contributes. Sarcasm comes from the Greek word “sarkazein,” which means to “tear flesh.” Even if you’re just “being sarcastic,” there is still truth to your words. Someone could truly hurt from the words you say, so make an effort to avoid sarcasm and gossiping. You will be a much happier person if you do this.
19. Reorganize your space every couple of months
Sometimes we get stuck in the same routine, so do yourself a favor and change up your space every couple of months. It’s especially fun to do this in the beginning of the year, but don’t forget to do it throughout. Change up your bed comforter and pillow sheets to a different color, reorganize your office desk, or change up the decoration in the living room. Whatever you decide to do, intentionally reorganize to help keep you charged and unstuck.
20. Stop comparing
How many of us compared our lives with others this last year? I’m totally guilty of this so give yourself grace and make a decision not to compare yourself with others in the new year. Listen to your thoughts as you scroll through your social media and be very conscious with them. If you find yourself comparing, you can consciously be happy for others, take a break from following, or take a break from social media in general.
21. Get unstuck
If you’ve felt stuck in 2019, you’re not alone. Making decisions, getting through the daily routines, or just dealing with things in life can be very difficult. Start the year off right by getting unstuck.
22. Create paradise wherever you are
Know that you can be happy right where you are—even if you’re not in your dream location, your dream job, or have attained your dream lifestyle. There’s wisdom in enjoying the journey, not just enduring. If you’re not sure how to create paradise where you are, I’ve written a mini ebook about how to do just that! And it’s FREE. 😉
23. Come from a place of love
We, as women, are too hard on ourselves. For every mistake, every accident, every slip-up, we criticize and belittle ourselves. This year, make a conscious decision to come from a place of love. Have grace and patience with yourself. You are doing better than you think. Check out this article to learn more about coming from a place of love/aloha:
Always wanted to paint a masterpiece or write a book? Have you wanted to get into singing or started a business? When you allow yourself to be creative, you develop perspective and a new zest for life. Allow yourself to be creative and you’ll find you are a much happier person.
Plan outdoor activities for the year. You can even make a bucket list of hikes or outdoor places you’d like to visit. The nice thing is that you don’t have to go very far to be outside… you can literally walk outside your door. Anything that gets you into the fresh air counts!
26. Turn off unnecessary notifications
If your phone has taken over your life, take a few minutes to go into the settings and turn off the notifications for certain apps. Prioritize your time, meaning that you DON’T have to reply to or check an email or text the second it arrives. Set aside time to do these tasks.
27. Change up your playlists
Start the new year with a fresh, new playlist of songs. Allow yourself to get pumped and excited for all the amazing things you want to do this year, but don’t forget to switch it up often so that you don’t get stuck!
28. Volunteer more
Christ said that we find ourselves when we lose ourselves in service. If you want to be happier in 2020, one of the greatest way to do this is to serve others. Doing something good for someone else will boost your self-esteem, increase your capacity to love, and just help you feel good all around.
29. Take better care of yourself
If you’ve never had a self care planner, now is a great time to invest in one. Tracking your mood, crossing off simple checklists, and even tracking your period is all made easier with a self care planner! You can even try changing things up with 30-day self care challenges.
30. Do something you always wanted to do!
Going back to dreaming big, let this be the year where you do something you always wanted to do! Being a happier person is doing those things that help us fulfill our purpose on this earth. When you finally start doing those things, your life suddenly takes on more meaning, and you feel peace and satisfaction from God and within yourself.
Conclusion
So there you have it! As you apply these tips, know that 2020 is full of promise, excitement, and love for you. I am so looking forward to hearing about all of the amazing things you have planned ahead. In the comments below, let us know some of your 2020 goals and the tips you’d like to try to be a happier person!
Sending lots of aloha + good vibes for a successful new year,
When life feels dark, overwhelming, and hopeless, we just want to sit in the corner, hug our knees, and have a good cry. The last thing we can remember is how to be happy. And the thing is, we all want to be happier—and not the temporary happiness from a bowl of ice cream or a good vent to a friend or spouse—but lasting happiness.
So how can you be happy, especially in the darkest times? In the times where you can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel?
There are 3 strategies you can use in these moments of overwhelming grief and sadness… even when things are so hard, and you have every reason to grumble, stomp your feet on the ground, and exclaim, “IT ISN’T FAIR!”
Sometimes life just isn’t fair, but there is always light. There is ALWAYS hope. Here are the 3 strategies you can use to be happy amidst all the stress, the depression, and the darkness.
Put God first
This is the first and absolute key to lasting happiness. I’ve heard people tell me before that God is a priority, but do their actions reflect that? How do you make him a priority?
Daily, consistent actions show your effort and desire to make him first. For example, reading the scriptures and praying everyday shows a great deal of effort to be closer to him. When you wake up in the morning, do you reach for your phone and scroll through social media, or do you get on your knees and acknowledge that you need His help that day?
Do you take the time to ponder and reflect on life’s most important things—the relationships in your life, the way you’re spending your time, the people you could serve? Or do you put “mindless” activities first, or things to keep you “busy”?
How would putting God first really benefit me?
You recognize the things that matter most, and begin to see that God’s plan is more beautiful, more perfect, and more grand than you ever imagined. Even when things feel unfair or depressing, your heart will be filled with gratitude for the gift of life, the gift of another day…
I found that when I focused on God, he placed people in my life to uplift and support me. Sometimes these were complete strangers. Back in Hawaii, as I went through some hard things, I met so many amazing individuals and families. I felt in my heart that God was looking out for me. He was lifting my burdens through others and even myself. I know the same can happen for you. When you put him first, you feel his love, discover your divine worth, and begin to see his grand plan for you. Whenever I look back at that difficult time in my life, I see God there helping me every step of the way. Acknowledge his hand, put him first, and he will “direct thy paths.”
Live with purpose
When hard times come, it might feel like your purpose is lost in the fray. I know this because even I lost sight of my purpose for a while. I felt that my purpose was to pick up the pieces and fix the mess that my dad left behind. I didn’t even think I could be a happier person.
But I remember talking to one of my best friends, and she said: “You have to take care of yourself too, you know.” Then it hit me… Amidst all the stress, the pain, and the frustration I’d lost sight of my purpose.
I immediately started doing things to take better care of myself and live with purpose. I spent my mornings at the beach in meditation, prayer, and relaxation. These moments helped me de-stress and find peace in Christ, in nature, and even in myself. #iloveseaturtles
I started writing in my journal even more—recording all my thoughts and ideas. I even started writing a new fantasy book. These were things I loved doing and that helped me feel like I was fulfilling my creative purpose in life.
Discovering Your Purpose
If you’re not sure what your purpose is, go back to the first step and focus on God. He’ll show you what you’re here for. As you grow closer to him, you discover your unique strengths and peace you never knew was possible. Your efforts to be a happier person will come more easily and naturally.
Be intentional in the things you do
If you want to be a happier person, live with intention. Difficulties tend to fog the most important things. For example, financial burdens cause tons of stress and in the midst of that stress, a single mom might use a tone or say something to a child she wouldn’t normally say. Or a 9-5 single working woman might leave work on a Friday night and realize she has no plans—nobody has reached out and she feels so alone. Or basements flood, cars break down, life happens.
These hard times and stresses cause some of life’s darkest moments… the moments of hopelessness, of fear, of failure, of loneliness…
What do you do in these times, when it seems that there is no hope, that there isn’t even the slightest chance of being a happier person?
Intention is key.
Is your intention to continue progressing in your life, despite the difficulties, or to stump your progress by complaining? Many times, our trials in life are caused by the actions of others (like abuse, financial stresses, etc), but control what you can.
When I was alone on Friday nights, I’d make a plan—something that would get my creative juices flowing because that brings me joy—and then I’d follow through. I didn’t just go home and turn on Youtube or a TV show to watch mindlessly. I did something to work towards a better future and a better me.
What about the financial stresses, the accidents, the meltdowns? It’s ok to have a breakdown—every person has their moments. But be intentional—know that it will pass. Stand up, wash your face, come from a place of love and grace, make things right (especially if you lashed out at a loved one), and commit to do better.
You got this sis
I know that the things I’ve outlined here are far easier said than done. But remember, it’s SO worth it! If you truly desire to be a happier person, these three strategies will help you get there. In the comments below, I’d love to here some things you do to be a happier person. 🙂 You deserve to be happy! I am here, cheering you on and sending all the aloha vibes that I can!
I often talk about “coming from a place of love” in my articles and in my life. I figured since I talk about it so much, I should go into even more detail about what this means and how to do it.
Coming from a place of love sounds pretty self-explanatory. However, you’ll be surprised how many times I’ve invited people to come from a place of love, and instead they come from a place of fear.
There’s a scripture that says:
“Perfect love casteth out all fear.”
When we have love for others, ourselves, and God, we see things from a grander perspective. Instead of fearing change, the unknown, rejection, or other common fears of people, we see opportunity, progress, motivation, and adventure, to name a few.
Coming from a place of love puts you in a position of understanding, humility, compassion, and empathy. This is pure aloha. It basically means that you recognize fears for what they are: fears. You see that they can be overcome.
In most of my messages, I invite you to come from a place of love because when you do, you are gentler on yourself. You recognize that you have fears, weaknesses, and you make mistakes—but that isn’t the whole story. In fact, those are just pieces of the story that have helped mold you into who you are. You are an amazing, worthy, beautiful human being with the capacity to love, be loved, and to create change in your world and in the world of others.
When you come from a place of love, you show love for yourself and honor to God for his creation of the unique person of YOU. You recognize that hiccups and bumps happen all along this journey of life, but God still loves you—he always has and always will. You know that no matter your mistakes or weaknesses, he infinitely loves you—why else would he have created you? 😉
So whether you are doing a negativity detox or making an effort to show up in life, come from a place of recognize. See the big picture and recognize that this is just one part of your journey. You are a growing, progressing, and learning individual with the potential to fulfill the measure of your creation.
Negativity is a fact of life because we all experience negative thoughts at one point or another. It’s ok to have them, but if you continue to feed them they can turn into more serious problems like depression or anxiety. If you already have a mental illness then you know that negativity is the common plight—it’s as if it never seems to go away. I’ve found that doing a negativity detox really helped me overcome my depression and to this day it makes my life more enjoyable and satisfying.
When I choose positivity and remove the negativity, I reach my goals quicker because I’m more motivated, excited, and happy. I am more creative and I have more capacity to share light and serve others.
To do a negativity detox, I’ve outlined the simple steps here. To be completely honest, these “simple” steps are MUCH easier said than done. They might take time and practice, but with the intention to change, I know you can do it. I also invite you to come from a place of love. We are often too hard on ourselves, criticizing our every move. Instead of demeaning yourself for mistakes or weaknesses, come from a place of love in recognizing that there is always room for improvement and change. So read on to learn how to do a thorough negativity detox and invite the light and aloha back into your life!
Get grounded
Often we are in our own little headspace, so wrapped up in what’s going on up there that we can’t even focus on what’s really going on in reality. This usually occurs when we feel like we made a mistake, don’t look good, or have a personal weakness that’s hard to overcome.
First of all, you look great. 🙂 Secondly, we all make mistakes and we all have weaknesses—it’s just a fact of life. However, the problem comes when we start replaying our flaws over and over in our heads. We analyze our every move, our every intention…
It’s OK to evaluate yourself and seek to improve but it’s not ok to bash on yourself for it. Definitely make things right if you hurt someone, but from what I’m guessing, you’re like me and bash on yourself for the littlest things: “Did I say the right thing?” “Why did I wear that?” “I looked so stupid…”
The negative self talk can go on and on—I know it because I’ve been there! When you start getting trapped in the headspace, put both feet on the ground, take a deep breath, and then STOP. Consciously stop the negative thoughts right in their tracks.
Continue taking deep breaths. Allow the negative energy to leave your body and replace them with positive, affirmative sentences like, “You did your best out there” or “You look great” or “I learned a valuable lesson.”
Say whatever you need to get the positive energy back. Too often we take the magnifying glass and zoom up on our flaws and weaknesses. Let’s get grounded by taking conscious hold of the magnifying glass and viewing the good things we do.
Align with your purpose
Negativity loves it when we lack purpose. I remember, as a new piano teacher at a local music school, I learned a piano teaching method totally out of my comfort zone. My first few weeks of teaching were difficult. I felt unprepared and didn’t understand the WHY behind some of the piano methods and activities.
When our trainer came to town, we, the piano teachers, loaded him with questions about the curriculum and how it could possibly work. He finally paused us and asked, “Whenever you teach something to your students, ask yourself: ‘What is the purpose?’”
That made me think a lot. Because I didn’t know the purpose–the WHY– behind some of the class activities, it brought negativity in the feelings of uncertainty, insecurity, and discouragement. This also applies to our life. If we just go about everyday, not knowing what our purpose is, then how can we be happy? How can we feel meaningful and satisfied?
I’ve gotten into the habit of frequently asking myself, “How can I fulfill the measure of my creation?” I know that God created me for a reason, and that I have an influence to change the world… but I don’t always know how, so I listen to impressions I receive and follow through with them. I intentionally try to align with my purpose everyday.
I do things that feel right and will influence me in the long term. For me, these things include service, creativity, writing, exercising, and learning. Of course there are things that need to get done like laundry and dishes, but those also help me align with my purpose by providing a clean, organized space for me to create. The mundane tasks also help me to stay disciplined with time. As you align with your purpose, you feel the WHY behind your life and give reason to the things you do. This removes negativity as you finally hit your “feel good” spot, the point where you’re doing what you were created to do.
Collect + Create good energy
There is too much negative energy in the world. Hatred, anger, grudges, guilt… those are all negative feelings. Of course you can turn to Christ for repentance, but we can also learn to avoid the negativity in the first place.
I invite you to evaluate things in your life that bring bad energy. One very clear example of bad energy comes in the form of gossiping. Since I was a little girl, I hated gossip—hate is a very strong word, but I just absolutely loathed it, and I still do. Living in Hawaii, I could hear family gossiping in the kitchen about other family members.
They snickered and mocked appearances, living conditions, and lifestyle choices. I naturally distrusted them for this very reason. Growing up I avoided gossip at all costs. When friends or acquaintances started gossiping, I’d say something positive about the person they talked about and then change the subject.
The energy always changed when I changed the subject. It went from this dark, low, sickly form of energy to positive, empowering energy. There’s an old Cherokee story I heard a while ago that goes like this:
“A fight is going on inside me,” An old Cherokee man said to his grandson.
“It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil – he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.”
He continued, “The other is good – he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you – and inside every other person, too.”
The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, “Which wolf will win?”
The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”
I don’t think this needs much explanation—it beautifully illustrates exactly how I feel about creating and collecting good energy. I hope you have the wisdom to consciously choose wisely.
Have an attitude of gratitude
The scriptures frequently say to “pray always without ceasing,” and that seems like an exhausting thought. However, I’ve found that praying without ceasing can mean just having a prayer of gratitude in my heart. In my actions and thoughts, I can express tender appreciation for the many little things he’s given me.
If you need to, write lists of things you’re grateful for. Or, in your personal prayers, just do a full prayer of gratitude. You’ll be surprised at how an attitude of gratitude can help you rise above the negativity.
Surround yourself with good things
I am a fan of beautiful things like nature, poetic writing, and peaceful music. I also love being involved in good activities like service to my spouse, family, neighbors, church, community, and my online community (you!). When you surround yourself with positive, wholesome, uplifting people and activities, you become that. Make time to surround yourself with the wonderful and good things in life.
Watch your thoughts
Like the story about the Cherokee man and his grandson, we can choose our thoughts. Obviously we aren’t immune to things we just happen to experience, like seeing pornography on social media or surviving the abuse from someone else, but we can choose how we react to our experiences. Do you feed the things you’ve seen or experienced? Or do you to choose to let them go and continue forward?
Reliving past hurts can cause negativity too. It can truly stop your growth. I know too many people paralyzed by the pain of a breakup, a divorce, or a perceived failure. These life experiences hurt terribly, but don’t let that be your life story. Learn to rise above the negative thoughts and see things for what they really are. If you feel negatively towards someone, try sending good energy their way. Forgiveness is truly a gift from God.
Seek spirituality
I’ve found that my hope and happiness stem from my faith in Jesus Christ. Knowing who he is, learning about him, and constantly striving to follow his example has brought me the greatest satisfaction in life. If I intentionally seek spirituality, my life is so much better.
Having a morning routine of couple and personal prayer, scripture study, and exercise really gets me into the right mindset for the day. I feel empowered knowing that God loves and approves of me. I know the same can happen for you!
Find balance
Sometimes we become negative by doing too much or too little of something. For example, if we exercise too little, we can gain weight, causing lack of confidence… which leads to negativity towards ourselves. Another example is if we do too much of something—like scrolling through social media—then we become negative and even depressed anytime we can’t do it.
Addictions also cause a huge imbalance for the body and mind. Addiction to drugs, alcohol, pornography, or other degrading and harmful habits can truly degrade the soul and cause darkness in our lives. Addictions cause blindness to the things that matter most in life… because all a person can feel is their desire to have more of the addiction. If you need help with an addiction, I encourage you to seek help.
If your addiction is to something like social media, shopping, Netflix, or food, you can still seek help by getting an accountability buddy, someone who you can account to at the end of the day or week.
By overcoming addictions and finding balance in our lives, we have more capacity to see things from a grander perspective. We see that in order to remove negativity, we need a healthy balance in our lives.
In Conclusion
I know that by following these steps you can bring the positivity and good energy back into your life. These strategies have blessed my life, especially in believing and knowing that we create our destiny. No matter the life circumstances, trauma, mental illness, or abuse, the negativity doesn’t have to last forever. We can create our future by grounding ourselves, having an attitude of gratitude, aligning with our purpose, collecting good energy, seeking spirituality, surrounding ourselves with beautiful and good things, and finding balance.
I wish you love and light on your journey. If you want to join my little tribe of people seeking to improve themselves, be sure to hop onto my instagram @ladyleialoha!
Sending all love + good vibes,
Lei
P.S. If you want to do more for your wellness and positivity, I’ve created a free class to help you strengthen your character, improve relationships, and attain overall wellness! Click here to learn more!
It can be super overwhelming to do a general Google search of “self care,” only to find list after list of things you NEED to do RIGHT NOW. I remember when I had depression really bad. Trying to do all of these good self care things quickly led to overwhelm and burn out.
The thing is… self care is NOT supposed to lead to burn out! If you’re getting stressed by trying to take care of yourself, then you’re doing it wrong (like me a couple years back). It took me a second to realize that the little things I did WERE my self care. No brainers, like drinking water and exercising daily, needed to happen for me to sustain a healthy body and mind.
So there’s definitely an easier way to take care of yourself—very simple, easy, and fun ways to take care of yourself. I’ve narrowed it down to the very basics. If you can nail each one of these things every day, you’re off to a GREAT start. You can add more things later, but just get started with these few things. 🙂
The simple self care checklist
Wake up on time
Work out for at least 30 minutes
Drink 2 liters of water
Talk to or smile at someone
Limit my social media use
Read something educational or inspiring
Do something you enjoy
Get to bed on time
And that’s it! If you just started your journey of self care, remember to keep it simple. I designed this list to help you do just that. I also designed a free course that goes into a little more detail on self care and self love. If you’re looking for something a little more intensive, try out my free 5 Hawaiian Days to Wellness email course. It is packed with Hawaiian values that will inspire you to live your best life and be your best self.
Hawaiian self care seems self explanatory, especially if you live in Hawaii or get to travel to Hawaii often. With the free access to beaches, the delicious food, and the aloha spirit abounding, Hawaiian self care in Hawaii seems like an easy task. However, for the majority of people, with all the bustle, stress, and busy-ness of everyday life, it’s easy to get overwhelmed and burnt out.
This is a huge reason that a lot of people visit Hawaii. They want to “take a break” from the daily grind and refresh. But what if going to Hawaii just isn’t the option at the moment? What if you could experience something a little more Hawaiian and practice self care at the same time?
If you need to take a break and want to experience just a bit of paradise, here are some Hawaiian traditions you need to try for self care!
Lomi lomi
Lomi lomi is the Hawaiian way of massage, where you basically use your fingers and hands to tenderly massage and relax the muscles. Lomi loom does not include hand chopping or intensity. Lomi lomi encourages a sense of aloha for yourself and your body. Giving lomi lomi to your special someone (or receiving it) is also a wonderful way to build lokahi, unity, in your relationship.
Cooking food
Hawaiians LOVE food, and what better way to refresh and relax than cooking up a good meal? Try something new or make one of your favorite meals. Healthy and whole foods are another great way to take care of yourself.
Talking Stories
In Hawaii, people relax and rejuvenate by talking stories. Is there someone you enjoy talking to, who you can just laugh and share your stories with? Whether that person is a family member, a friend, or even an acquaintance, “talking stories” is a great way to unwind.
Kanikapila
Is music your jam? Kanikapila involves a group of people bringing their fav instruments (usually the portable ones like guitars and ukuleles) and having a jam sesh. Even if you’re not the greatest singer, or you’re learning an instrument, kanikapila with good friends can unload a ton of stress.
Listen to the sounds of nature
Hawaii is known for the beautiful natural sites, like waterfalls, white sandy shorelines, and lush green mountains. Perhaps you don’t have all of these luxuries where you live, but just going out and spending time listening to the sounds of nature can soothe the wearied soul.
Take time for spirituality
Hawaiians are a very spiritual people, looking to a higher source for wisdom and support. Take a moment to reflect on the blessings God has given you. Living mahalo can increase stamina and overall health.
I wish you well on your journey of self care and hope these Hawaiian traditions will help you!
E komo mai! 🌺 I am the author of Aloha State of Mind, a self help book that teaches you how to create paradise wherever you are. My blog, Naturally Aloha, focuses on all things Hawaii: culture, values, food, lifestyle, and more. I hope my writing inspires you to carry aloha with you everywhere! Learn more…
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