Ho’omanawanui means to bear or endure for a long period of time. In essence, ho’omanawanui is patience. It is being able to persevere well through our various seasons in life.
“Ho’o” – means to do or be
“Manawa” – means time, season, date, or a period of time
“Nui” – means big, great, or large
Ho’omanawanui is to do or be something for a long season, time frame, or date.
There are many examples of things that take a long time to complete or that feel never-ending: raising children, working towards retirement, building a business, completing a creative project, strengthening a relationship, and so forth.
Ho’omanawanui is the attitude of going through these long seasons of life with grace and patience. It is doing and being well during long periods of life, especially those that don’t seem to have an end date.
A similar value to ho’omanawanui is ho’omau, meaning to endure well and persevere.
Growing up in Hawaii, my family was so poor that people in our church and neighborhood offered physical services to us, such as spaces they weren’t using. For example, the people who lived in the lot next to ours didn’t live in their home the full year. They only came around during the winter, so they offered to let my family stay in their house.
I call it a house, because it wasn’t a home. It was a shack in the middle of the Hawaiian woods, a shack that had each piece of wood carefully nailed by hand.
The shack didn’t have running water or electricity. We took showers in the backyard pool (which collected water from the copious amounts of rain in Hilo), and used the bathroom in a little makeshift outhouse, swarming with mosquitoes and an occasional cockroach.
Not idea at all.
Another family felt sorry for us and let us use the bathroom in their barn so we could shower with hot water. They also let us use the free space in their barn for our extra belongings—all of which could not fit in the shack we lived in.
Because we were indebted to these people for using their space and resources, my little sister, Esther, and I got assigned to make the payments.
When I say “payments,” I mean big summer projects. One of our projects was to stain the whole exterior of the shack we lived in. The other project was to organize the knick knacks in the barn, where our moldy boxes and belongings sat.
We got volun-told to do these things, and they were big projects.
Getting through the projects
In the summer between one of our school years, we set up the scaffold and stained the house. We did this everyday, stopping only for bathroom breaks and to eat lunch.
Because we were so poor, we just drank a lot of water and ate the occasional bag of pretzels our mom bought us.
Instead of dwelling on how long these projects took, and how tiring they were on our bodies, we, instead, focused on the positives.
We blasted the radio to the tunes of Taylor Swift, Miley Cyrus, the Fray, and Nickelback. We made up stories to write in the future. I thought I could “stain” my hair green, so we experimented secretly and I ended up cutting some hair off!
In this long, tiring period of our lives, at least we had each other.
We can’t always control our circumstances.
My sister and I had no option but to contribute, since we knew very well our neighbors and fellow church members were offering their spaces and services free of charge.
But we controlled what we could.
It was a long summer, but I look back at it with delight because I grew closer to my sister and enjoyed that time with her.
With ho’omanawanui, we control what we can: our attitude and our outlook.
There are seasons in our lives that seem to go on forever, but when we give ourselves permission to look for the positives, we can make these seasons bearable, even enjoyable.
Here are some other ways to live the value of ho’omanawanui.
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Be patient + positive
Do you find yourself rolling your eyes (internally) when someone talks forever? Or when you’re waiting in a line at a grocery store? Or when faced with a circumstance outside of your control?
I’ve learned that we GROW THE MOST in the times that we feel stuck. Sometimes I hate that this is true… but we don’t usually grow or learn in the comforts of life. We grow in the difficult time, when things are inconvenient or uncomfortable.
When we feel stuck in a situation that we don’t like, we have the opportunity to be more creative, try new things, and test our willpower.
When we look at our obstacles as opportunities to learn and grow, we not only help ourselves… we help others too!
How would being a little more patient help a child? A spouse? Or even yourself?
Remember that challenges are events in life, not life itself.
Yes, there are many inconveniences in life, but when we deal with them patiently and positively, these inconveniences can strengthen us in ways we never imagined.
Eliminate selfishness
Like the previous tip suggests, try to exercise a little more selflessness. When was the last time you seriously pondered who could use your help? Or the last time you prayed and asked God how you can serve someone?
When was the last time you sincerely thanked someone for what they did? Or the last time you felt genuinely happy for someone on social media (or in real life) for their successes?
When you’re driving or getting ready for the day, are you asking God how you can help?
Ho’omanawanui encourages us to be selfless. Of course, we still need to take care of ourselves, but we can find GREAT joy in our seasons of life by serving and thinking of others.
Celebrate the little wins too
Going to high school in Hawaii, we had a lot of pa’ina, which is basically a little party with food. I guess most people might call it a potluck.
The funny thing about pa’ina is that we didn’t even have HUGE things to celebrate… we had pa’ina for completing a section in our English classes, or completing a math quiz (on a random day), or just because it was someone’s birthday. It didn’t have to be huge.
And the same is with ho’omanawanui. When we practice patience, a difficult task for many of us, we should celebrate the wins!
That one time you replied calmly to your child? Win!
The moment someone cut you off on the road but you quickly took control of your emotions? Win!
Being kind to yourself when all the things on your list don’t get done? Win!
There are so many wins in life, and if we take the time to celebrate them, we can actually become more patient! Acknowledging our efforts is a HUGE win!
Oh, and you don’t have to have a formal “pa’ina” to celebrate your little victories, but, as a Hawaiian, I always encourage food! 😛
Final Thoughts
I hope that you can find happiness in the periods of life that last a long time. When we implement the value of ho’omanawanui, we can make even the longest + hardest challenges a little lighter and sometimes even more delightful.
With love + joy,
Leialoha
P.S. The correct pronunciation for ho’omanawanui is “Ho – o – mana- va – nu – ee“ 😉
Let’s hear it from you!
How do you live the value of ho’omanawanui in your life? Let’s hear it in the comments below! 🙂
Kū literally translates to “to stand,” and pa’a translates to “firm” or “solid.” So the word kupa’a means to stand firm.
Steadfast.
Immovable.
Constant, determined, and faithful.
When we live the value of kūpa’a, we stand strong in our decisions, based off of truth and righteousness (pono). No matter what happens to us, we are resilient, knowing that if we don’t stand for something, we would fall for anything.
The thick and thin about lava
At around 15 years old, my family moved from Oahu to the Big Island. During our first few months there, we explored the island, venturing to one of the most popular sites to see: the lava flowing into the ocean.
At the time, the flow hadn’t covered most of Pahoa, and instead was just a huge field of black rocks that had hardened a few years before.
In my journal, I wrote that red reflectors on the ground guided us towards the flow. At one point, we couldn’t find the reflectors, so my dad trudged forward. Before our hike, other locals warned us to be careful while walking on the lava.
While the surface of the lava was hardened and felt solid, the lava could actually be a thin layer, which, if stepped or stood on for too long or hard, might break and fall into a lava tunnel beneath.
I worried and thought of this as dad guided my siblings, mom, and I through the lava field. I once felt secure by the reflectors, knowing that officials marked those as safe spots. Those reflectors marked that no lava flowed beneath here, and the surface would not break through. Now walking, without any knowledge, made me terribly anxious.
A dangerous situation
At one point, dad found a spot where you could see the lava flowing beneath. I timidly walked to where he stood and peeked inside, the hot glow of lava oozed far beneath. The ground below felt solid, but I could only imagine it snapping, like a brittle cracker, into a million pieces, and we would all go falling into the burning below.
Fortunately, it didn’t break, and we continued towards the ocean.
Since the daylight shone above us, we couldn’t see the red glow of the lava flowing into the ocean perfectly. But the smell of sulfur, the smoke and steam rising into the air, and the occasional gust of heat let us know that the lava flowed ahead of us.
We stayed there for a while, admiring the lava flow from a distance, but the whole time I felt nervous. Even going back, I longed to see the reflectors to know that we stood on solid ground. We eventually did get back. Nothing happened, but I still reflect on this experience.
Kūpa’a is all about standing firm and being solid in decisions, knowing that the decisions were made and based off of truth. When we make decisions based off of popular beliefs, trends, or opinions, we stand on shaky ground, where, when put against the test of time and God’s truth, the ground breaks and we fall into the lava below. We can, as the popular saying goes, get “roasted” because our beliefs aren’t built on solid truth.
When we stand on solid ground, strong + confident in our decisions, we withstand any weight or burdens that may be placed against us.
How to live Kūpa’a
I once spoke to a close friend whose daughter was making decisions that were inappropriate and disrespectful to God. My friend and I share the same religion and beliefs, and it’s important to us to always be pono… that God recognizes those efforts we make to honor and respect all people and their rights. My friend’s husband told their daughter this:
“Just because you don’t go to church or abide by the standards, it doesn’t mean that you lose your morals.”
That stuck with me. We have a kuleana, responsibility—not only to God—but to humanity and to this world, to have morals. Living kupa’a is all about living upright and moral in a world that mocks morality and standards.
The values I’ve discussed on my blog are all a great way to start discovering what it means to be moral and pono. However, connecting with God is the greatest way to discover morality and to know how to live our best lives in this world.
Here are some other ways to live the value of kupa’a.
Know your why
If you don’t know your why, it’s harder to kupa’a. In my church we follow a commandment called “The Word of Wisdom,” where we choose to abstain from alcohol, drugs, and other harmful substances. I made a very conscious choice, as a young girl, to obey this commandment.
As I got older, classmates and neighbors questioned my choice, thinking that it “wasn’t fun” that I obeyed all these “rules.”
But I knew my why. I did it because I wanted to be obedient to God. If I wanted to be close to him, I needed to listen to and obey him.
This was never a good enough reason for others, but it was solid ground for me. I’ve felt blessed for my decision, and grateful to God for helping me stay firm in it too.
If you don’t know your why, it makes it difficult to stand strong where you are. When people ask questions or bring up things you’ve already made a decision on, and you know your why, be confident in that decision.
Be pono
There are many people who are kupa’a in things that are morally wrong, like abortion (murder) or abuse in any of its forms.
My dad was one of those people. He twisted the church’s teachings and then used his personal convictions to abuse me and my family. He manipulated God’s truth so that he could get away with the things he did.
It was awful and confusing. My dad was so firm in his beliefs, that they became a reality for him. He ended up getting what he wanted and, to this day, believes he did no wrong to my siblings, my mom, and myself.
With a charming personality, he painted the picture of us as the bad guys (and we all still suffer from trauma and ptsd from it to this day). Some of my siblings even left the church we grew up loving and living.
My dad would say, “Live your truth.” And that was the problem.
As Ben Shapiro put it: “There’s no such thing as ‘your truth.’ There’s THE TRUTH and YOUR OPINION.”
When you choose to be kupa’a about something, make sure it is pono and right. Make sure that it benefits and blesses society and yourself. Even if it’s unpopular, such as choosing not to swear/use bad language or choosing modesty over trends, when you choose pono morals, it does bless humanity as a whole.
Stand firm
There are so many things to be kupa’a about, that in the end, it’s up to you to decide what you will stand strong in. There are so many voices in today’s world crying for attention, so how will you react? Will you make your decisions beforehand, so when the testing time comes, you’ll stand firm?
I’m so grateful for the value of kupa’a. It helped me feel peace about my decisions, even when others have mocked or questioned me. I feel pono and aligned with God when I choose to be kupa’a about God’s truth. What are some ways you’ve used kupa’a in your life?
With aloha,
Lei
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How will you implement the value of kūpa’a in your life? Let us know in the comments!
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It is knowing that there is a God, whom we owe everything to. I heard someone once say that “It would be disrespectful to God if I were ungrateful.” Mahalo is recognizing + trusting in God, that his plan and ways are greater than our own. It is knowing that he, as the creator, has given us all these things and supports us, even from one breath to another.
When it rains, as it frequently does in Hawaii, our hearts are always full of gratitude. As the sun shines, we are grateful. When we go to the beach and swim, feel the warmth of the waves, and interact with the sea animals, our hearts are full of gratitude. When we go to the mountains and hear the birds sing, the wind whistle through the trees, and the lava flowing continuously, we are grateful.
Mahalo ke Akua. Thanks be to God.
Swimming in the middle of the ocean
When I was about 16 years old, I went to a summer program called Na Pua No’eau. There were different groups in this program but my group was especially meaningful to me, because I love the ocean. We learned how to man and sail the wa’a, the Hawaiian canoe. We learned the basics of reading the stars, how to tie the knots, and how to show respect to the canoe, the ocean, and to one another.
One day, we sailed out past Hilo bay. I was so excited for this, because we’d only stayed in the bay to practice sailing, and I knew it was nothing like being out in the great wide ocean.
As we broke free of the Hilo bay wall, the ocean loomed for miles: deep, blue, wise. We sailed quite a ways, the view of Hilo bayfront looking like a postcard in the distance.
Our captain let us take a jump in the water, which we willingly did to cool off. As I floated in the middle of the ocean, knowing the water went down for miles below me and around me, I realized how tiny I was. What mother Teresa said was true, that we are just “a drop in the ocean.”
Who knew what creatures lurked in the water beneath me, or how deep it went? The water was an intense dark blue, and when I turned my body to look out at the horizon, it stretched on forever.
I felt so vulnerable. So small. My body totally exposed in this sea of unknown, my legs dangling into the unknown. It was terrifying. And, yet… so humbling.
Even though I was this tiny human being—that was so fragile physically and emotionally, that could be swallowed up in this deep blue by the water or by some creature, that I was just one person in a world of billions of people—I still mattered.
The Great Paradox
That is the great paradox… that even though we are “nothing” in comparison to the grandeur and glory of all God’s creations, we are still everything to him. We are still his greatest and grandest creation.
This perspective changed my life. God has given us everything, and yet we are nothing. God loves us with all he has, and yet we only give him back a portion of our thanks and gratitude.
To complete the quote by Mother Teresa, she said: “We ourselves feel that what we are doing is just a drop in the ocean. But the ocean would be less because of that missing drop.”
We all matter. And, most importantly, we matter to God. Of all the things he’s given us, our time and life here is a precious gift.
We are each a part of the picture.
We all have a contribution to make.
We’re all needed.
Knowing this changed my heart. Mahalo ke Akua. Thanks be to God for all the life he gives us—the world around us, people, and even the magnificence of our own bodies. When we realize how tiny and seemingly insignificant we are in the world, we learn the value of mahalo.
Here are some other ways to live mahalo.
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Go out in nature
Nature is one of the world’s greatest teachers. There is no rebellion in the spirit of nature and animals. As a young adult returning to the Big Island, I used to swim laps at my favorite beach every morning, sometimes passing turtles.
The turtles taught me many valuable lessons… not that they did anything special, but their spirits were special. Their behavior, their grace, their patience taught me things I needed to do and change in my life.
Let the stars, the trees, the moon, the animals, and the sun—let nature—teach you.
Have an attitude of gratitude
It’s so easy to look at your life and see the things you lack. If someone else has a product or “thing” then we seem to immediately want that. We grow sad when we can’t get the things we want, when, really, we should be looking at what we do have.
One of the best things I’ve done for myself, especially growing up in poverty and experiencing abuse, was to look at the things I did have: I didn’t have money or control over my family situation, but I had creativity, a good brain, and the value of ho’ohana, doing meaningful work. I was so grateful for those things I had—though not physical “things.” This attitude of gratitude helped me get out of my darkest times.
Encourage selflessness in your life
I watched a video once that said ingratitude is a result of selfishness: We think we deserve more. We think we’re better than others. We think others don’t deserve what they have.
What if, instead of thinking only of ourselves, we thought more of others?
How can I serve them?
How can I be happy for them?
When we focus on service, our lives become more joyful. Serving helps us be grateful for the things we do have: our knowledge, our life, our people.
Mahalo ke Akua – Thanks be to God
Saying a prayer of thanks, and then showing our appreciation to God through our actions are powerful ways to live mahalo. Thanks be to God for the wonderful opportunity we have to live each day.
I know sometimes it’s hard to find something to be grateful for. Sometimes we think we have to dig deep to find gratitude. But it can become habitual, and the more grateful we are, the more blessings and miracles we see.
I created this Mahalo ke Akua gratitude journal to inspire you to write and reflect daily on the things you’re grateful for. With practice, this book can blossom your gratitude into a beautiful habit, a habit that no longer requires a book to record!
Mahalo for being here!
There are so many ways to implement the value of mahalo in your life. I’m sure if you’ve visited Hawaii, it feels good when people tell you mahalo. You feel appreciated. You feel seen.
Let’s give our thanks to God by living an attitude of gratitude for ourselves and all around us. We can do this!
Ho’ohana is the value of purposeful and meaningful work. When we work towards something with intention, it provides a feeling of satisfaction and purpose that nothing else can.
Think about the work you currently do, whether you’re a mother/homemaker, working a full time career, or starting a side hustle… is your work purposeful? Is it meaningful to you?
Work can be hard. Some people work because they have to, some because they want to, and others consider work to not be work at all. Ho’ohano is the idea that when we become friends with work, work can be an enjoyable, growing, and enlightening experience.
“Ho’o” – means to do.
“Hana” – means to work with purpose or intent.
Therefore, ho’o + hana = to do meaningful, purposeful, or intentional work
Ho’ohana is like playing a sport
If you’ve ever played a sport, you know that it requires effort, especially physically and mentally. If you can put your energy and focus into what you’re doing, you become stronger and your abilities increase.
In high school, I did Cross Country and, although I wasn’t the fastest runner on the team, I worked hard. I pushed myself to beat personal PRs and boosted my teammates too. At the start of the season, there would usually be a lot of people on the team, and by the end, about a quarter would’ve dropped out.
The drop-out quarter of runners would complain about practices being too hard, or gossip about the coaches, spreading lies and negativity. Some of us ignored them, and some listened. The ones who listened usually ended up dropping out too.
Those of us who didn’t listen continued to try our best, and to be obedient to our coaches, instead of complaining. When our coach said to get down and do 10 burpees, we did it. When our coach said to sit down and relax, so we could mentally visualize race day, we did it.
It’s not about the destination, only finding meaning in the journey
Races and practices, though still hard on the body and mind, actually became enjoyable. Anybody who does a sport knows this. When you become a friend to the exercise and work, you actually have fun and find purpose + meaning.
That is ho’ohana. It doesn’t mean that work becomes any easier, it just means that you become a friend to work, knowing that as you put in your 100%, YOU become stronger. You become friends with those who work alongside you, and friends with those directing you (boss, employer, coach, etc).
Whether it’s a coworkers, spouse, family member, friend, or teammate who complains about the work, slipping down the hole of negativity, criticism, and gossip, YOU actively choose to disengage and press forward. With your own desire to learn and grow—even if the work is hard–you choose ho’ohana and pave the way for success.
Instead of waiting for something to happen in your life and work, you create paradise right where you are through living ho’ohana.
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How to live Ho’ohana
There are many ways to implement this Hawaiian value into your life, but the most important thing is to start where you are. Trying to do everything at once leads to overwhelm, and ho’ohana is about doing meaningful work, not trying to do everything.
Create Purpose
Whether you’re a stay at home mom, employee, or employer, create purpose in your work. Creating purpose is different from finding purpose. When you create purpose, you intentionally choose the WHY behind what you’re doing—whether that be wanting to raise the kids in a loving environment, make extra money from a side hustle, or work towards a dream vacation. When you find purpose, you go through a checklist in your head of your reasons to work.
Ho’ohana loves creativity, so as you create a WHY behind your work, you find more peace + enjoyment in it. It might seem a little more obvious to find the WHY behind raising children or running a business, but what about jobs that are less enjoyable—those of minimum wage, demanding environments, and/or less-than-pleasant customers… I’m talking call centers, fast food joints, etc. How can you live ho’ohana when you’re starting from the bottom and/or stuck at a job you don’t like?
Choose your why
Create purpose. Choose WHY you’re there. People say things like, “I have to work,” but the reality is that nobody is forcing them to work. Ho’ohana is taking responsibility for the choice to work.
I’ve worked odd jobs to make ends meet here and there. One of the jobs was at a call center, where people would call in swearing and angry at the product. It was so hard not to take things personally. But I had a purpose in this work. It was just a temporary job to make some money while I started a side hustle (this blog!). That was my reason.
I did my best and implemented the value of ho’ohana by becoming friends with my coworkers and bosses. They noticed my efforts and I was even promoted to the Tier 2 calls, which meant a pay raise!
When the time came that I left the job, my coworkers were so sad, as we’d all become good friends. To this day we’re all still good friends. I’m so grateful that my time there—at a less than pleasant job—had been a growing and even enjoyable experience!
Put in 100%
Ho’ohana puts in a full 100% effort. It doesn’t mean you need to be perfect at the things you’re doing, but when you TRY, you receive a deep satisfaction in life.
For a short time in college, I worked at a bakery as a pastry chef. My supervisor was very much a witch: breathing down our necks, impatiently giving orders and demands, telling us to do one thing then chastising us the next minute for not doing something else, etc. She was so inconsistent and grumpy, it was easy for anyone to feel negatively towards her and the work.
But I chose to ho’ohana… to work hard and be a good team player. In no time, my efforts affected my coworkers and even the other supervisors in the bakery—who would often approach and ask me how I was doing.
They would always say hello to me, which really made my time at the bakery better. The work conditions regarding my supervisor never improved, I never got a raise, and my efforts weren’t once recognized by my supervisor.
But God noticed.
I had given 100% to that job, and God had graced me with more patience, endurance, and stamina to handle the snappiness and weaknesses of others. And another blessing occurred from giving 100%. While I had been working at the bakery, I networked with the right people and got an envied and prized job on the college campus.
Giving 100% really works!
Take Initiative
When you see an opportunity to grow and learn in your work, take initiative. Ho’ohana is all about building others up, and building yourself up at the same time. Have you ever had a disagreeable coworker or work environment? How easy is it to complain and gossip about it? Or to just quit in search of a place that would “make you happier”?
While some situations are toxic—and you should definitely run away from those asap—most jobs are great “except that one thing or person.” What if we implemented the value of ho’ohana to grow + expand ourselves and our abilities to give and receive aloha?
Every person has weaknesses, so how can we use our strengths to help with the weaknesses of others? Ho’ohana is being resistant against the downers of work, and, instead, seeking solutions.
When we think of a work environment like a sports team, wouldn’t you do something to compensate for a player who has a weak knee or arm? Wouldn’t you want to help them so the whole team grows stronger? In fact, wouldn’t everyone want to use their strengths to help others with their weaknesses?
Ho’ohana is creating that environment where everyone can work hard and help one another.
Be Creative
If you know that the work you currently do isn’t what you want to do forever, then truly let the value of ho’ohana sink in by being creative. While creating this blog, I worked about 4 different jobs to support myself and my husband (and he worked too). From taking family photos and wedding videography, to substitute teaching and working as a music teacher at a local school… I worked hard to pursue my dreams.
Ho’ohana is all about stretching ourselves to reach our dreams. My main goal was to be able to work for myself as a creative, but this would not be easy. And it would certainly take time. All of my side jobs weren’t always easy, but I stayed positive and kept it in my mind that these little tasks would generate income to start up my creative business.
I felt silly as I did all of these jobs, especially when people asked me what I was doing, but I learned that their opinions didn’t matter. Ho’ohana allowed me to see the bigger picture—that I was working for a cause.
Sometimes you have to do things non-traditionally to do work that is purposeful and meaningful for you. I’ve met so many people who created their success without going to college and getting a degree. I’ve met people who hustled in college (like myself) and got a degree but hustled even more afterwards, in order to create purposeful work.
A huge part of ho’ohana is to stay positive. Our world views work as drudgery, and like we’re slaves to work our whole lives. This simply isn’t true. Work can be enjoyable when we create purpose and view work as a necessary growing part of life.
There will always be work to do—work to raise children, work to make money, work in the yard, work to strengthen a relationship, work to correct a mistake, work towards a dream, etc.
But ho’ohana helps us enjoy and even love the work we do… because work is not meaningless. We create purpose and meaning in it.
Even though work hasn’t always been easy through my life, I’m grateful for those times I implemented ho’ohana, because it made things much easier.
With joy and aloha,
Lei
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Aloha is probably one of the most popular Hawaiian words, meaning “hello,” “goodbye,” and “I love you.” But if we truly break it down and understand the etymology, the feeling, and the spirit of aloha, we learn to live on a deeper and more meaningful way.
“Alo” is the presence of, and “ha” is breath or life force. So, literally, aloha is the presence of life. It is recognizing the life in ourselves and others, and, more importantly, the love that flows through all things. Ancient Hawaiians had this concept of mana, or energy, that flows in everything. In Christian religion, this mana could be understood as spirit. The greater our love, the greater the mana.
Aloha is the constant giving and receiving of love. From the moment we were born, we have the desire to give and receive love. It is our natural state of spirit.
Through pain, heartache, trauma, and grief, our ego steps in to protect us. We form beliefs that block our flow of aloha, such as the belief that we can’t trust anyone, or that we can’t be truly happy. Aloha is loving ourselves, others, and God enough to return to that love.
It’s a lifelong journey, but it’s one that is totally worth it. When we truly recognize the life force in ourselves and others, and honor that, we create that flow of love with every person and living thing we encounter.
Aloha is like the flowing of a river
To better understand the constant flow of aloha, I imagine a beautiful, strong river. Some rivers are small, some large, some shallow, and some deep. This is like the flow of aloha in our lives. The better we get at practicing aloha, the deeper and stronger this river flows. People can feel the aloha spirit from just being around us.
Others have a harder time with the flow of love. Perhaps they suffered a deep trauma that makes it difficult to navigate the flow. Perhaps they experienced a grief, violence, or abuse that sucked them nearly dry.
Life is full of difficulties, but know this… there will always be a flow within you. Even if you feel that all love and light has dried out of you, it isn’t so. God created us with an abundance of love, and, because he loves us, we can reach out to him to quench any of our needs, especially that of love.
No matter how small or large your flow of love, there will always be difficulties and challenges placed in your way. I think of limiting self beliefs, negative thoughts, feelings of worthlessness, and hopelessness as the pieces that make a dam.
A dam cuts off the flow, and, because we all experience heartache in life, we all have things we need to work to remove out of our thoughts and beliefs.
Self limiting beliefs block the flow
When I was a young adult, I recognized that I had this self limiting belief: “I can’t be truly happy because if I am, then something bad will happen.” I didn’t allow myself to be happy because I feared what would come next.
It always seemed like if I did experience some kind of joy, I had to shut it down quickly—stuff it inside—so that if someone said something rude or negative, or a bad event happened next, I’d know that I’d already stuffed the happiness down and I hadn’t really deserved it.
Or that it hadn’t actually been a true feeling.
This belief came from years of neglect, abuse, and manipulation. I would rejoice in other people’s successes, but I never felt secure or happy in my own.
When I recognized this belief, it took a long time to remove this block that had such a huge role in creating a dam to the flow of love. I would give love, but never truly receive it from others.
This is not aloha. Aloha flows between all things.
Let it flow. 🙂
Work to remove the blocks of self-limiting beliefs, negativity, selfishness, worthlessness, and hopelessness.
Here are some additional ways to help you do this, and more fully implement the value of aloha in your life.
Love and trust God first
God, the father of our spirits, is love. He is the God who can give you the love you need. Through his son, Jesus Christ, we can experience unlimited joy in this life. I’m so grateful for their support in my life—in fact, I don’t know where I’d be without knowing there is a God and a Savior for me. Trust that God loves and knows you, because he does.
Learn compassion
“Charity is the pure love of Christ.” Aloha is basically charity: withholding judgment and loving unconditionally.
It’s so easy to judge others.
I read a book, which I highly recommend, called “Judgment Detox,” (that’s an affiliate link, meaning if you click through and buy it, I receive a commission at no extra cost to you!) and it helped me recognize how often I judge people.
Don’t misunderstand me here… we need to judge situations and things for safety and responsible reasons, but how often do we find ourselves judging people for petty things, like lifestyle choices, things they say, or things they post on social media?
We all are different, and we all have a contribution to make.
Instead of judging, have compassion and grace for others. Try to truly understand what they’re saying when they talk to you. “Pa’a ka waha” and “lokahi” teach us how to strengthen our relationships and listen with love to others. This encourages the constant flow of aloha in our lives.
Have aloha for yourself too
For many of us, it’s easy to love and rejoice for and with others, and yet, we rarely rejoice in our own successes. Instead, we criticize and judge ourselves for not doing or being enough. Withholding love for ourselves is the very act of creating blocks to our flow of love. It’s like we’re building our own dams by withholding love for ourselves. We can’t have a continuous flow for others if we withhold love from ourselves.
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Have hope
The spirit of aloha may sometimes feel like a thing of the past, but it isn’t. You can create paradise right where you are by living the value of aloha. If you’ve been hurt in the past, it can feel difficult at first to allow the flow of aloha to run its course in your life. But know that there is hope. There is always hope. 🙂
I hope you will be able to live the spirit of aloha in your home and life. And remember, if you don’t think you can even feel love right now, reach up to a loving Heavenly Father. He will gently remind you of how loved, valued, and beautiful you are. When you reach up to him and do your part, your river flow of aloha will become strong and deep.
Follow my 3 steps to have mercy for people (because we’re all not perfect)
There are 3 things that go through my head when I feel annoyed, impatient, or angry at someone. These 3 keys help me have ALOHA for others all the time.
Every person is a child of God. We learned this in ‘ohana. We are all God’s children so deserve to be treated that way.
Every person has pain, challenges, trials, and heartaches.
People deal with their problems the best way they know how. Sometimes a person hasn’t experienced much. Maybe they’re not as mature as you are, and so they just don’t understand. I’ve come to realize that people usually do the best they can with the knowledge and experience they have.
I hope these tips will inspire you to live more aloha. It is truly possible!
With joy and aloha,
Lei
Your turn!
How do you live aloha? Let us know in the comments below!
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E komo mai! 🌺 I am the author of Aloha State of Mind, a self help book that teaches you how to create paradise wherever you are. My blog, Naturally Aloha, focuses on all things Hawaii: culture, values, food, lifestyle, and more. I hope my writing inspires you to carry aloha with you everywhere! Learn more…
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