“Pa’a ka waha” is the Hawaiian saying that literally translates to “close the mouth.” A lot of kupuna, adults, and teachers said this when I was growing up in the islands. It meant that you were talking too much, and you needed to listen.
Listening is a lost art form, but it doesn’t have to be, especially when we learn the simple technique of closing our mouths. Pa’a ka waha almost always guarantees a stronger relationship. People love to feel seen, validated, and recognized. When we listen with love, we provide the goodness and aloha that this world desperately needs.
Listen… because the more people you meet, the more aloha is shared
On average, a person might meet around 80,000 people in their lifetime. Of the many people you’ve met so far, can you think of any that have listened deeply to you? And I mean, truly, sincerely, genuinely, from the bottom of their hearts, listened to you?
I can count 5 people who listened like this… and their biggest secret, in my opinion, was that they kept their mouth closed. They sincerely sought to understand what I was saying, not just decipher the words. They wanted to know the true meaning behind the words.
Based on their understanding, they asked questions and continued to listen. Pa’a ka waha: No interruptions. Not even an autobiography of “something like that happened to me.” They listened with all sincerity of heart.
How often do we listen like this for others?
Pa’a ka waha encourages us to truly listen. Here are some ways we can learn to be better listeners.
Pa’a ka waha is staying present – in the moment
We’ve heard this probably a million times: keep present, be mindful, stay focused. Pa’a ka waha encourages this too! It’s hard to understand someone’s situation and feelings if we don’t focus on them, stay present, and remove the distractions of our phone, earbuds, tvs, and so forth.
When we stay in the moment, we begin to see others as God sees them, and their situations become clearer to us. Answers and resolutions don’t always come automatically, but just listening to others can help them heal, see things clearly, and even move on. Sometimes (most times) the very act of listening helps other people solve their own problems.
So let’s put down those phones, take out the pods, and make time to look others in the eye, listening with true intent.
Listen to how God speaks to you
God has a special way of speaking, through the Spirit, to each person on the earth. How does he speak to you? For most people, it’s a prompting, a warm feeling, or a quiet voice. When was the last time you felt or heard the Spirit?
When we learn how God speaks to us, it helps us know what questions to ask others. Because the truth is… God can inspire us to help others. He can whisper the very questions we need to ask, and when the moment is right. Sometimes people open their mouths too soon, and they ruin the conversation. But when we feel in alignment with God, knowing already how he speaks to us, we can facilitate a beautiful, open conversation of aloha and understanding.
Pa’a ka waha is listening to yourself
How often do we cut our own thoughts short by “being busy?” Meditation, pondering, or quiet time can really help when it comes to listening to ourselves. It’s like closing our mouths to ourselves allowing our mind and heart to listen to US. When we learn how to listen to ourself, we better learn how to serve and listen to others.
Remove distractions
As I mentioned before, putting away distractions like our phones, tvs, etc can help us pa’a ka waha and listen much better. Another way to practice mindful listening is getting outside. Remove the distractions. Being in nature is one of the best ways to become a better listener. Listening to the sound of waves lapping on the sand, the swaying of palm trees in the breeze, or even the hum of a waterfall helps us quiet our minds and listen to our hearts. What is really going on in our hearts? Do we truly have the desire to do and be better—then how?
Ask for help to care
I know a lot of people who straight up just don’t care. I know it sounds awful to say this, but some people just don’t care to listen to others, preferring to talk only of themselves. They don’t care what other people are saying and only think of what themselves. We can give these people grace and make our own commitment to listen better.
Sometimes it’s difficult and sometimes uncomfortable to listen when you’re not used to it. Maybe you’ve always been the talker or the center of attention, where everyone listens to you…
But first give yourself credit for even acknowledging that you need improvement in the area of listening.
Secondly, ask for help to care and have aloha for others. Sometimes we just need to pray and ask God for help: help to see others as he does, help to care about their feelings, help to understand. There’s hope for everyone, so know that there’s no better time to start practicing listening and the art of pa’a ka waha than now.
Pa’a ka waha takes practice
Let others know that you’re trying to be a better listener, and be willing to take their advice when they offer it. Learning to close your mouth and listen isn’t easy, especially at first, but it’s totally worth it. You can do it.
Pa’a ka waha is a selfless act of love. It’s exercising true aloha by putting other peoples’ needs before your own. It’s so easy to forget that listening is an art, but when we master it, we bless our lives and others for good!
With love + joy,
Leialoha
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