The Hawaiian word “ahonui” means “patience, long suffering, and tolerance.” When broken down, the word gives us insight into how to exercise patience, even in unpleasant circumstances.
Aho means “breath or to breathe”
Nui means “big, large, long, or great.”
Divers and chanters hold their breath for long periods of time in order to perform well. It isn’t always comfortable to hold onto a long breath, but what about taking deep breaths? Taking deep breaths can actually help us exercise patience, see the bigger picture, and stay calm and cool, even in the most stressful situations.
We need patience every day of our lives, as we deal with other people, situations, and even ourselves. Patience helps us live aloha by helping us value and love ourselves and others more. Ahonui encourages us to take a deep breath before reacting.
Here are some practical ways to take the “long breath” and practice the virtue and value of ahonui.
Wait without getting frustrated
Patience is the ability to wait without getting angry or frustrated. It takes a great amount of self control to live the value of ahonui, but making a clear decision ahead of time should help. When emotional, stressful, or irritating circumstances happen—as they always will—let us carefully check our response.
Are we getting frustrated? Why?
What does the situation look from another person’s point of view? Maybe we’re waiting in a long line, dealing with a child’s tantrum, or sitting in traffic. What can we learn from this experience, and how can we do better next time?
Sometimes it’s helpful to talk out our impatience with others or write in a journal. Self reflection can reveal some of our deeper frustrations, the things at our core that trigger impatience at the surface.
Ahonui focuses on the bigger perspective
Sometimes we simply forget the bigger picture. With ahonui, we take a great breath to ‘ike loa, see much. What is our main goal?
The little bumps along the way are just that—bumps. We’ll get over them, even if it takes longer than we hoped. As we keep our eyes on the end goal, it helps us endure—even tolerate—any current inconveniences.
As a writer, I often feel impatient with how long it takes to write and publish a book. I sometimes compare myself to other published authors and feel like I’m behind. But when I focus on the bigger picture, I see that this is my journey, and ahonui is helping me get to where I want to go. As I continue my writing journey with care, ahonui encourages me to take a deep breath, appreciate the moment, and not get frustrated with inconveniences or the length of time it takes to write and publish.
Similarly, as creatives, employees, employers, parents, spouses, and in so many roles in our lives, we may feel impatient that things don’t go as quickly or smoothly as we like.
Yet with ahonui, we can breathe easier and even enjoy our time. With bumps and valleys to get through, our deep breaths can help us focus on the end goal. These inconveniences will pass, and our long suffering will be worth it in the end.
Ahonui helps us find the root of the problem
Sometimes the problem isn’t the current problem in front of us that makes us impatient. Something deeper within us needs some attention and care. Are we taking care of ourselves?
When we’re tired, hungry, or stressed about something else, impatience rears its ugly head.
So what is happening deeper inside of us?
As mentioned earlier, talking to a friend or journaling helps us discover the deeper problem. We should also make sure we’re caring for the basics of our health: getting enough sleep, drinking enough water, not overbooking or overdoing it, maintaining healthy relationships, etc.
Know our triggers
Knowing our triggers also helps us deal with impatience. Sometimes past experiences emotionally and mentally scar us, and we should try to notice any patterns we see with our own impatience.
Does impatience usually happen in certain scenarios, places, or even with specific people?
For example, I get incredibly impatient from being on a boat. I’d only been on my grandpa’s boat once in Hawaii as a teenager, and the experience wasn’t terribly amazing. But when I moved to the mainland and married my husband, I quickly learned that his family loves boating. I began to realize how grumpy, angry, and—frankly—frustrated I felt after boating. I’m simply not a fan of the wind blowing my hair everywhere—especially when it starts to get cold—or being on a boat for a long time. So I had two decisions: I could learn to enjoy boating, or I could simply not go on the boat.
Finding the root of the problem helps us understand ourselves better and make clear decisions on how to navigate going forward. It shows aloha to ourselves—and others, as nobody wants to deal with a grumpy, frustrated person. 😛 But, even more than that, it helps us live the value of ahonui. Not only do we take a deep breath to gain clarity and evaluate the situation, but we learn how to more fully live with patience.
Ho’omanawanui, twin value to ahonui
Ho’omanawanui helps us bear through long seasons of our lives. Sometimes we have to suffer for a long time, and, as frustrating as it is, both ho’omanawanui and ahonui make us stronger people. Sometimes there is no end in sight, and long suffering begs us to take deep breaths and live in the now. Stay present, stay grounded, and remember that these values help us grow in the end.
Ahonui is truly a blessing. As we learn to take deep breaths in life, it can dazzle us with the lessons we’ve learned and the aloha that abounds. One thing I’ve learned with ahonui is to not take things too seriously. It’s ok to laugh, instead of lashing out in anger. Humor helps us find joy in life. If we take things too seriously, everything can frustrate us. So let us take deep breaths as we live, love, and laugh.
With aloha,
Lei
Let’s hear it from you!
What are your thoughts on the value of ahonui? Does patience come naturally for you? Do you have tips for those struggling with patience? Let us know in the comments! Mahalo for your help!
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P.S. Love what you’ve read here? Check out my free ebook, “Bringing Aloha Home” or my free wellness course, “5 Hawaiian Days to Wellness!”
