Lōkahi means unity, oneness, and harmony. Those who perfect the art of lōkahi are not afraid of others. In fact, they embrace the differences of others, knowing that people work best when they listen, seek understanding, and come up with the best solution together.
Together is the word that encompasses the spirit of lōkahi. Nature shows us a pattern of working together, as birds fly against the wind in the beautiful shape of the letter V. Dolphins swim in pods, allowing the young ones to swim in the center for protection. Ecosystems work in harmony to produce rain, sunshine, and oxygen, which provide the necessities of life. This is lōkahi.
On a human level, lōkahi is fostering an environment of complete cooperation, where every person in a group recognizes and supports the best decision for everyone. It is, as Stephen Covey describes, a win-win situation. There are no losers with lōkahi; every player of the team works together with the same goal in mind, knowing that each role, no matter the size, is greatly important.
The Lōkahi Challenge
Lōkahi is all about building trustworthy relationships through listening and understanding. It is also having courage to share your own thoughts, trusting that as you are respectful, you will be respected. It is being strong enough to put aside your own prejudices and beliefs to synergize with others and reach powerful solutions.
To begin this challenge, consider whether the following statements are True or False for yourself.
I always have to be in charge or nothing gets done.
I hate team/group projects because nobody does their part.
I work better by myself—that’s just how I am.
I am a quiet person and everybody bosses me around because of it.
I can’t ever share my opinions because people never agree with me.
I have my own goals and don’t need other people to hold me accountable.
After answering true or false for each of these, carefully evaluate the answers that you marked as TRUE. What do these statements say about your beliefs? Do you believe that you are better off working alone? Do you believe that YOU are the only person with all of the answers?
The lōkahi challenge is rigorous, but it will dramatically improve the way you work with others. Try it for one week
1. In any interaction you have with others, make an effort to listen empathetically.
2. If you have some kind of a conflict with another person, make a conscious effort to change the energy through ho’oponopono. If it is someone you interact with regurlarly, such as a spouse, make the effort to share your feelings and don’t point fingers.
3. Write in your journal a list of the relationships you are grateful for, then ask yourself what needs to change in order for the relationships to be strengthened. Do you gossip with one of these people? Do you tend to talk negatively with one of these people? What can you do to change that negativity to become inspiring and uplifting?
Share Your Story
Every person has a unique story, and we’d love to hear yours! How have you felt while doing this challenge? Was there anything that was challenging to you? Was there anything that truly inspired you? Be sure to share in our Hawaii Vibe Tribe Facebook group or use the hashtag #HIVibe on your social media! Replying and commenting on others is also another wonderful way to keep the vibe HI!
Much love,
Lei
Extra: My Story
I’ve always been independent. I’ve never relied on others for help, truly believing that if I didn’t get a certain task done, then it would never get done. I learned quickly that my parents would provide me the necessities of life: food, shelter, but other things like emotional support was a 50/50 gamble.
Because of the inconsistencies I witnessed growing up, I never fully learned to trust people. I would work well with others, usually “losing” through not saying anything, letting people boss me around, not offering my ideas, or just having my own personal goals to accomplish and not letting the group know. Whenever I had group projects, I groaned in anger because I knew that I would always “lose” and end up doing all the work.
However, I began to realize that there IS a better way. I’ve truly learned lōkahi from my husband. Even before we got married he expressed how he wanted to always be in agreement. He said he always wanted to be on the same page, meaning we support each other in our personal and couple goals, we make big decisions together, and we always, always communicate. Having this open discussion and making lōkahi a priority in our marriage has made our lives so much easier and our marriage so much stronger.
I learned that it’s ok to work with other people and that I don’t always have to LOSE. There are win-win relationships, and the more I learned to listen empathetically, the more I am able to achieve win-win with groups. It’s not perfect—people have to want to work together as well, but every effort you make will help your relationships, including your relationship with yourself.
Now go out and bring more unity in your relationships. You got this!
Aloha literally means “the breath of life.” When a person is born into this world, they take their first ha, or their first breath. When a person departs from this world, they breathe their last ha. The word marks the significant and deep moments of reflection, the moments where the only thing that matters is the love and the tenderness of the relationships formed in this life. It’s no wonder, then, that western culture has redefined the word aloha as meaning “hello, goodbye, and ‘I love you.’”
Aloha marks the life and death of a person, but it means more than just “hello” and “goodbye.” The tenderness of feelings that accompany these two significant life events, birth and death, remind us that this truly is our one life to live. We have one chance to breathe love, to breathe goodness, and to breathe light to others.
Thus, aloha is the breath of life. It is the kind of unconditional love that surpasses superficial personalities and weak character. No matter what, a person who lives with aloha has integrity and humility. They understand that nobody is perfect, and every person needs to be loved. They love others just as they love themselves. People are attracted to them—not because they are popular, but because they emit beautiful and pure energy. They are like lights in a dark room. They give love and they receive love.
This way of living aloha is to breathe life, not to just survive life. Those who live aloha appreciate this life. They appreciate the challenges as much as the good times. Aloha becomes them and, in return of their giving aloha, aloha is returned to them. They live a happy life, a peaceful life, and a beautiful aloha life.
The Aloha Challenge
Aloha begins at the core of each person. It begins with a raw, but gentle, evaluation of who we are now. Here are some questions to ask yourself to find out where you are in living aloha.
Do I listen to others with the intent to respond?
Do I seek to be heard before listening?
Am I assumptive about the needs of others before asking?
Do I build myself up by pointing out the flaws of others?
Am I selective with the people I choose to love?
Do I compare myself to others?
Am I happy for other peoples’ successes?
Am I happy for my own accomplishments?
Do I talk negatively to and about myself?
Do I talk negatively to and about my spouse (if applicable)?
Am I usually on my phone when I’m around people?
If you answered NO to most of these questions, you are off to a great start. If you answered YES to all, most, or some of these questions, you are in the company of many others who struggle to truly LIVE with LOVE.
In this day and age, we are surrounded by advertising and media falsely marketing that you can be happy if you have this or that. Companies and people make empty promises to hook you in and distract you from the things that matter the most.
People who live aloha can easily recognize and avoid these traps. They recognize that this life isn’t about owning the latest gadgets and clothes. It isn’t about finding the faults of others and living their lives based off an old hurt. Challenges and pains happen to everyone, but those who live aloha have respect for their own personal lives. They live with love, meaning that they breathe love for themselves, for others, and for God. They learn to overcome these obstacles and allow the obstacles to make them stronger.
The challenge, therefore, is simple.
List 5 things that are THE MOST important to you.
Share your list with a trusted friend, and discuss with them why you feel this way. If they feel that your priorities are off, listen and evaluate yourself, referring back to the questions listed above. Ask yourself, do I invest enough time and energy to the things that matter most to me?
Challenge yourself for the next three days with this: For every negative thing you say or think—either about yourself or others—say or think of two positive things to replace the negative. See how long you can keep it up until you are free of negative thoughts.
Make a conscious effort to smile more.
Do something kind for yourself (BONUS if you ask your spouse to help!).
Share Your Story
Every person has a unique story, and we’d love to hear yours! How have you felt while doing this challenge? Was there anything that was challenging to you? Was there anything that truly inspired you? Be sure to share in our Hawaii Vibe Tribe Facebook group or use the hashtag #HIVibe! Replying and commenting on others is also another wonderful way to keep the vibe HI!
Much love,
Lei
Extra: My Story
Staring at the waves as a little girl, I felt so vulnerable. They crashed and crashed, rolling up against my legs and surrounding my ankles with their cool touch. I felt great energy from the water, and I knew that others who visited Hawaii felt the same. There was something so enlightening, so chaotic—and yet so peaceful—about the ocean.
I always thought about the ocean as the best metaphor of my life. In my adult years, it is so fascinating to reflect back on all the things I’ve gone through. My life was crazy and calm. There were moments of deep sadness and moments I felt like I had wings to fly. I experienced painful trauma and I experienced sweet peace.
However, throughout all of it, I remember one thing: I had to live with love. I didn’t adapt the word aloha until my teen years, but I recognized, from an early age, that every person suffers in one way or another. Every person has a story. I also realized that, like the ocean, our stories make us feel vulnerable. They’re unpredictable, beautiful, and ugly all at the same time. But when we truly learn to share our stories and participate in the human experience, giving and receiving love, we learn to live. We learn aloha, to breathe life.
I hope that this challenge will encourage you to start recognizing the things that matter most, and to start prioritizing your life according to those things.
And just a quick tip… I know that taking care of yourself first is crucial to loving others. For the longest time I just gave and gave all the love I could away. I’d go home alone, depressed, and I’d cry a lot. The only people I could turn to as a young adult were my older sister and God. I learned that giving love is wonderful, but you need to receive love too—from God, from others, and, importantly, from yourself. It is a process, but don’t forget to take care of yourself too. We need you. 🙂
E komo mai! 🌺 I am the author of Aloha State of Mind, a self help book that teaches you how to create paradise wherever you are. My blog, Naturally Aloha, focuses on all things Hawaii: culture, values, food, lifestyle, and more. I hope my writing inspires you to carry aloha with you everywhere! Learn more…
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