Life is full of challenges, and not surprisingly, many of those challenges come in the form of relationships. Even if you’re the kindest person, you might accidentally say or do something that offends someone else. Bridges can be burned, tensions arise, and tempers flare. But whatever caused some disconnect between you and another person, the emotions can leave you feeling sad and, to be honest, quite raw.
We’re so blessed to have the freedom of choice. No matter what other people say or do, choice is such a powerful tool. We can choose to react to the situation, or we can choose to take control and act. An ancient Hawaiian tradition can help with this.
The Ancient Hawaiian Tradition
The ancient Hawaiians had a practice they used when people had any kind of pilikia, or trouble, with someone else, whether that was physically, emotionally, or spiritually. This practice is called Ho’oponopono. Pono is the Hawaiian word for “righteous,” or to “make right.”
People who were at disagreement with each other would gather together to sit and discuss their disputes until they came up with a resolution. There would be a mediator to help facilitate, and people would leave these meetings with feelings of love, forgiveness, and gratitude.
In some places Ho’oponopono, as a meeting, is still used. For example, when I was a newspaper editor at my university in Hawaii, there were some disputes between the editors and the chief editor. The lower editors felt like she was exercising too much power, and not giving them credit for their work. A Ho’oponopono was held and everyone left feeling that their voices were heard and the pilikia, the trouble, was gone and settled.
However, there is another way to use Ho’oponopono, and it doesn’t require everyone to come together. You can say a few key words, which can be done mentally, and direct it towards someone who you might be in conflict with. This is especially helpful for victims of abuse or trauma. Forgiveness can truly free a person from pain, or at least alleviate the pain, and Ho’oponopono is one way to forgive and let the love of God and others pour back into your life.
Ho’oponopono
To start, you would address the person you have pilikia with.
Hello _____ (insert name here).
Then you would say these words:
I love you.
I’m sorry.
Please forgive me.
Thank you.
If you don’t know what you’ve done to that person, you can simply state, “please forgive me for my part.” This is such a powerful thing that can be done anywhere, anytime. You don’t need to state these words out loud. You can say them in your head and direct them to the person you are thinking of, or who you feel has pilikia.
This is a wonderful way to heal. If someone has deeply hurt you, especially those who you are close to and once trusted, doing this encourages forgiveness, repentance, and gratitude. These words can even be used for people that you don’t have pilikia with, serving as a reminder of your love and gratitude for them.
As you say these words, it’s also best to think of Christ. He loves so perfectly, and you can use that love too. I’ve found this ancient Hawaiian practice to be incredibly helpful on my journey of healing, finding inner peace, and feeling happy. I hope you do too!
Love,
Lei
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