Ho’oponopono is the Hawaiian practice of “making things right or well.”
Ancient Hawaiians have done this practice for centuries. When two people or groups have a disagreement or hūhū, hard feelings, they would meet together for a session of ho’oponopono. It has been adapted in several different ways, including sending positive energy to others and one’s self.
“Ho’o” means – to do or be
“ponopono” means – to make right or correct, also to make tidy and neat, balanced
Therefore, ho’oponopono is the art of mending, of healing, of making things clean between, and restoring balance. There are many ways people do ho’oponopono. I’ve been in a ho’oponopono session with a facilitator who asks questions and gets everyone’s opinion, like a mediation session.
I’ve also learned ho’oponopono that you can do on your own, by sending out aloha into the world, and especially towards those who have hurt you.
Ho’oponopono comes from the word pono, which means righteousness and balance. The difference between the two is that pono is a personal character trait that can be developed, whereas ho’oponopono is an action of making things right with oneself or others.
Personal Practice of Ho’oponopono
You can do a personal practice of ho’oponopono by first finding quiet to do this exercise. In your mind, think of the person who you feel resent towards or have pilikia, troubles, with. Then, either verbally or mentally, say these lines:
Hello _____ (insert name here).
Then you would say these words:
I love you.
I’m sorry.
Please forgive me.
Thank you.
Ho’oponopono forgives others, thereby freeing yourself from the anger and hurt that comes from holding onto pain.
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A visual of ho’oponopono: the orchid plants
Growing up in Hawaii, my parents thought they would try their hand in raising Tahitian vanilla orchid beans. People paid a lot of money for vanilla bean, and the Tahitian plant had an especially delightful taste.
They ordered some plants, which came in abundance. We lived in a rental on the Big Island at the time, so my parents got a bunch of thick, black planting containers, which we filled up with potting bark and small rocks, and we placed them in the back yard.
We had at least 20 pots, filled to the brim, with pieces of bamboo sticking out to support the green orchid vines.
Needless to say, after months of watering, re-soiling, and weeding, the plants withered away. The conditions weren’t right, and the little red fire ants, which infested the island at the time, took over. They swarmed on the plants like people in a busy airport.
But my parents kept hoping the plants would somehow revive.
We kept taking the orchid plants with us
We moved 3-4 times, because we were so poor, and those pots came with us everywhere. I hated carrying those pots because 1) they were heavy and I could barely get my arms around them and 2) they had tiny red fire ants that bit you, and when you got bit, the pain seared the whole area, lasting for days.
My parents divorced in 2013, and I returned in 2016 to clean out the family home to sell. When I saw those pots, I cringed (maybe a lot). Why had we carried those pots around for so long?
The orchids were long gone. The bamboo sticks looked like sad broken pieces, weathered by time and the sun.
I got to work emptying those containers and stacking them in a tall pile. Carrying around those containers, filled to the brim with rocks and potting bark, had never served us. We should have thrown them away years ago, when the original orchid plants died.
I’ve reflected on this experience often, and compare it with ho’oponopono.
False beliefs and burdens don’t serve us
In life, things happen: we experience abuse, pain, betrayal, death of a loved one, etc. We carry the heavy feelings from these experiences with us, everywhere we go. They affect our daily life and our reaction to experiences.
Most times these burdens were placed on us from others: our parents, a boyfriend/girlfriend, spouse, family member, coworkers, etc. but sometimes these feelings come from ourselves.
We regret a decision, feel worthless, or just totally down about something that already happened.
Like those orchid containers my family and I carried everywhere, we should ask ourselves this question:
Why do we still carry these emotional loads?
Sometimes the loads feel too heavy, and we lay on the ground, totally exhausted from the pain of it all. Or the metaphorical fire ants sting us and certain parts of our lives sear in pain for a day or two.
With all of the pain these burdens cause us, there is no logical reason to keep carrying them. The load doesn’t serve us. It doesn’t even do what it’s supposed to do.
Ho’oponopono helps us get rid of these loads. It teaches us to forgive others and forgive ourselves. We all make mistakes. We all fall short. But we don’t need to hold onto the pain forever.
What are some loads you can take off now? What are the beliefs and burdens that aren’t serving you? I invite you to try the personal practice of ho’oponopono to free yourself of the emotional weight caused by some of life’s challenging experiences.
And, of course, if you’re struggling with this, ask God for help. He is so willing to help and show you the way. His son, Jesus Christ, always waits with open arms to help you find the peace and forgiveness you need.
It’s never too late to turn a new leaf.
With aloha,
Leialoha
Let’s hear from you!
How will you implement the practice of ho’oponopono in your life? Let us know in the comments!
Nānā i ke kumu is the Hawaiian saying that translates to “look to the source.” It encourages us to look to our ancestors, to nature, and to God for guidance, help, and love.
“Nānā” means – to look, observe, to pay attention to
“ke kumu” means – teacher, beginning, source, or origin
Therefore, nana i ke kumu reminds us to find, look, and pay attention to the source, origin, and beginning.
What “Nānā i ke kumu” means to me
Growing up in Hawaii, whenever I heard this saying, it reminded me to always remember God. He gives us life, love, and light.
As I look to him, I can find happiness and purpose in being here.
I understand that his plan is greater than my own. As I learn to trust and look to him, I have no reason to fear.
However, I would be incorrect if I said that this saying only directs us to God.
I’ve met many Hawaiians and locals who translate this saying into following their ancestors or exploring nature.
I think these are also wonderful ways to find guidance and peace.
So how does this saying help you? Why should you “Nānā i ke kumu?”
Obviously we don’t learn something from reading it alone. By applying what you learn from this, you can find guidance, peace, and belonging.
If you’re struggling to find your path right now, feel discouraged, or just need a motivation boost, looking to the source can help you.
I’m actually writing this as the world turns its head to the “Black Lives Matter” movement. Riots, looting, and violence broke out in the streets, interrupting peaceful protests and dishonoring the innocent lives of those who were unjustly killed.
As I watched everything unfold, my head whirled a thousand times.
The confusion and anger rose within me. Then I paused, took a deep breath, and came right back to this: Look to the source.
It kept me grounded.
When the world is in turmoil, and when wars and disasters occur, what do you do? How do you find peace?
People panicked, were outraged, or shocked. They didn’t know what to do.
And that included myself! But I went back to this saying and gained CLARITY. I realized this: When we look back to our ancestors, to God, and to nature, we see what really matters.
I spent time praying, taking quiet time outside in nature, and reflecting on my ancestors’ experiences.
And I discovered this. At the heart of all that’s going on, this is what matters:
We create our own stories.
Even when we look back at our ancestors and their stories, we honor them by creating our lives. If their actions aren’t what we’d be proud of, then we should do something that THEY can look up to US for.
As I pondered on my ancestors’ experiences, especially the cultural trauma that the Hawaiian people suffered, I felt a connection with the black people suffering now.
We should be grateful for the hardships our ancestors went through, as they inspire US to get through our own and take advantage of the opportunities they didn’t have. As I said before: WE create our OWN stories.
I wouldn’t have gained that clarity without looking to God and trusting in him, reflecting on the lives of my own ancestors, or taking quiet time out in nature.
So if YOU are seeking answers to some of life’s difficult questions, look to the source–THIS is why it matters.
Clarity, guidance, and peace are available to us when we focus on the source.
Here are some ideas to implement this saying, Nānā i ke kumu, into your life.
Look to your ancestors
When we look back at those who came before us, it helps give us a sense of place.
Finding our “sense of place” is a commonly used phrase in Hawaii, maybe because so many people feel out of place, including myself at some points in life.
With multiple opinions of politics, a diversity of cultures, and conflicting views about tourism and the economy, people can easily feel out of place in Hawaii–or anywhere you might live!
Even those who grew up in Hawaii—and are as every bit Hawaiian in a cultural sense—but aren’t of Hawaiian descent can feel out of place.
(Side story: I went to a private school for Hawaiians, and could only imagine the struggle of those with blonde hair and blue eyes, who didn’t “look” Hawaiian, but were every bit Hawaiian–maybe more than myself!)
So how can we look to our ancestors to find our sense of place?
Having Hawaiian ancestry doesn’t automatically give us a sense of place. After all, Hawaiians are a tiny minority of the human population.
Actually, we need to understand that this saying doesn’t just apply to Hawaiian ancestry. It applies to everyone! We can ask simple questions about our ancestors, and when we learn more about them, we learn more about ourselves.
What did our ancestors like? What did they sacrifice? Where did they come from? Why did they make the decisions they made? What cultural traditions did they uphold? Which religion did they practice? Why? Did they have notable strengths? Or weaknesses?
When we learn these little details about our ancestors, it’s like a flame within us grows.
We come to see how their stories influence our own. It gives us a sense of belonging, of ‘ohana.
We desire to be better, because they were better.
We celebrate our heritage, our culture, our ethnicity.
When we come across their struggles and losses, we mourn with them.
And then we rejoice in their successes. If they could do it, we can too!
Nana i ke kumu encourages us to look back in order to look forward.
We admire our ancestors for getting us to where we are today. We feel closer to them and let their lives inspire our own.
Many Hawaiians and locals feel connected to nature. When I moved around and traveled to big cities, I finally understood why people LOVE visiting Hawaii. It’s literally a fresh breath of air!
Cities and communities can feel cramped and claustrophobic.
But when you go to the islands, the sun greets you with its warm rays, the tradewinds blow a gentle breeze through the palm trees, and the crystal blue water laps on the shore with grace.
It’s breathtaking.
It’s also humbling. When was the last time you took a hike in the mountains and breathed the fresh air? Or took a stroll down the street in the sunlight?
When you go out in nature, do you feel the quiet, the peace, and the respect?
It’s been said that nature, in all its forms, does not rebel against God. Every plant, animal, rock, and coral submits to the will of God, so when you are around them, you feel peace. They aren’t trying to force their own ideas and agendas on God, as we humans often do.
They celebrate, praise, and worship God by fulfilling the measure of their creation.
As humans, we can feel this quiet serenity in nature. Let it humble us, remind us to be grateful, and teach us valuable life lessons.
Whenever I go out into nature, I feel SO grateful to be alive. I actually FEEL more alive! The same feelings can happen for you, but it’s up to YOU to get out in nature first.
If you want to learn a little more about the song of nature, check out the works of Ralph Waldo Emerson, as well as Walt Whitman. They were the great transcendentalists who appreciated the peace of nature. Their poetry beautifully illustrates the solace of nature.
Even better than reading their poetry, however, is to go out to experience nature yourself. Nana i ke kumu. Find tranquility by listening to the sounds and breathing the fresh air of nature.
Look to God
When we look to God as the source, we learn that his ways are better than ours. His plans are more grand and joyful than we ever imagined. He is the source of knowledge, truth, and light.
When we look to him, we change things in our lives to align with his will. We become more humble, submissive, and childlike. More aloha flows into our lives.
If we focus on him, we recognize who we truly are: his sons and daughters.
We are royalty.
When our self worth and confidence increases, our ability to spread light and love increases too.
Soon, our path is laid before us. It isn’t always easy, but looking to the source, the beginning, the origin of our lives, helps give us perspective.
This life isn’t forever, but with God’s help, we can truly make the most of it.
Nana i ke kumu
Look to the source. Remember your ancestors for strength and sense of place. Find peace and gratitude in nature. Look to God for direction and purpose. When we nana i ke kumu, we discover our sense of place.
We begin to create paradise wherever we are.
What will you do to look to the source? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments below!
With aloha and joy,
Leialoha
Your turn! How do you look to the source?
Let me know in the comments! I’d love to hear your thoughts!
Lōkahi is the Hawaiian word meaning unity, oneness, harmony, and agreement.
Lōkahi tells us that YES, it is possible to be united and to have healthy relationships. Even when we don’t agree with one another or come from different cultures, races, and religions, we can BE ONE.
Lō – means to obtain
Kahi – is the shortened version of ‘ekahi, which is the number one
By breaking down the word, we learn that lōkahi means to obtain oneness, unity, and harmony. How can we do this when every person is so different?
How can we obtain this oneness in some of our most important life relationships, like with our spouse or children?
Lōkahi teaches us that we need people
I can explain lokahi best by sharing a part of my story. My family lived in poverty for most of my teenage and young adult life. My parents suffered through a messy divorce, and, as they worked through it, they remained absent most of the time—physically, emotionally, and mentally.
Because of this, my siblings and I turned to one another. It was up to us to take care of ourselves—meaning, providing the food, paying the bills, and even creating a better life and future for us.
I got a job and my older brother took care of the tedious house chores (feeding the dogs, the sheep, fixing broken things, etc). I made most of the food, and I’d help outdoors as well.
During one of these dark months, fly strike attacked our sheep. We had to chase the sheep down to take care of the infections. We didn’t always know what we were doing, but we had each other to figure it out.
Those dark times taught me so much about how we need people. As an independent person, I grew up fending for myself, but, this time, I knew I needed my siblings.
And they needed me.
Like ‘ohana and laulima, we’re all in this together.
I have fond memories of making jokes, laughing, and, after my parents’ divorce, feeling a sense of freedom together.
My siblings and I are all so different, yet we created a way to contribute and help one another. This is lōkahi.
It’s knowing that we are all a piece of the puzzle.
When hardships arise, as they always will, we hold onto one another–we unite, we stand strong together.
We are all needed.
Just because we don’t always see eye to eye doesn’t mean that we can’t show compassion and love.
We CAN work together to come up with solutions, fight the enemy of pride, and put aside our differences to see this truth:
WE ARE ALL CHILDREN OF GOD, and we ALL have a contribution to make.
With the diversity in today’s world, we need lokahi more than ever.
Here are some ways to become one with others on your life journey.
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Lōkahi withholds judgment
How often do we judge others because they choose a different lifestyle than us?
How often do we judge others for choosing a certain political party, handling their money differently, or worshipping at a particular church?
We ALL make our own choices. And, we all have weaknesses, beliefs, and perspectives that motivate us to do what we do.
When we give people grace and withhold judgment, we give them the opportunity to BE THEMSELVES and, more inspiring, to sometimes BE BETTER.
In an amazing way, we, ourselves, change as we SEE them as God sees them: loved and worthy.
Now, I bet you didn’t think of this… But most times we judge people because of something going on within ourselves, or because we learned behaviors from parents or society.
Before we point fingers and blame others, what is going on INSIDE OF US?
We’ve all gone through unfair, unnecessary, and unjust experiences. So when someone does something different than us, we may get triggered with annoyance or prejudice because of our own experiences and perspectives.
The more we recognize the judgement we place on others, the more we’re able to clear the quiet resent and prejudice within ourselves.
We’ll soon find that it’s easier to get along and become one, lōkahi, when we show compassion, grace, and kindness… no matter the choices that others make.
Honor Others
As I’m writing this, a tragic event has happened: an innocent man named George Floyd was violently and unnecessarily murdered by a white police officer. In a hurt and angry response (as people should be hurt and angry about this), people have broken out in riots and looting.
My heart weeps because this is NOT lokahi OR pono (right).
Violence, in any form, is unacceptable and evil. “Honoring” someone through violence is also unacceptable and evil.
I’ve shared a video below of Yahosh Bonner. I love this talk because even though this man’s ancestors were slaves, he looks to them for strength. He honors them by the way he lives. Yahosh recognizes their sacrifices and lives his life to make them proud, not ashamed.
My favorite part? He takes advantage of the opportunities they didn’t have.
I’ve been deeply saddened (as most of have been) by the violence and aggression–we are MUCH better than this.
I’m not Black, but I can understand the minority experience.
I can understand what it feels like to be oppressed, and to know that oppression went as far back as my ancestors. I know what it feels like to live in poverty, where it seems like everyone else has the upper hand, and I’m stuck on the bottom.
But we can CHOOSE our story, because we CREATE our story.
I chose to get myself out of poverty–even working three jobs at one point and using up loads of time to apply and receive scholarships. I networked with people who had influence in the college campuses, and I chose mentors to support me. I created my story for myself, honoring my ancestors and working hard for the opportunities that they didn’t have.
We honor those before us by living our lives the best we can, focusing on Christ, and serving others along the way.
If we want to create unity, we draw strength from the goodness of our ancestors, those around us, God, and even ourselves.
This man exemplifies this so well. Oh and his singing is a bonus. 😉
Listen more
One of the Hawaiian values is “pa’a ka waha,” meaning to close the mouth. We all talk too much. We all deeply want to share our stories and opinions, but have you ever just listened to someone… truly, sincerely listened?
I’ve said this many times–so many times that I sound like a broken record! But people rarely mean the words they say. Of course there are exceptions, like if someone says they need to use the restroom or they want something to eat.
But, in most cases, there is always a deeper meaning behind the words.
For example, when an overweight friend says, in a joking manner, that they’re “too chubby,” they’re probably saying something else. Of course, context is important in all of this. But truly listen. Why did they say that? Are they accepting of their weight—or is this something they feel insecure about, so they’re joking about it?
How do they view themselves? When they look in the mirror everyday, can all they see are the words “fat,” “chubby,” “obese” written all over themselves? Is that all they can focus on?
How can I help through listening?
When you truly, sincerely listen, you begin to realize that everybody hurts. You recognize that the things we say are sometimes programmed into our subconscious. Listening helps us know how to respond to others and recognize their programs and beliefs–and, sometimes, our own!
In this example with the overweight friend, when you listen and seek understanding, the understanding WILL come.
Perhaps you feel prompted to address the weight issue—maybe your friend has deeply wanted the opportunity to vent about it. Or maybe you feel prompted to talk genuinely about the good qualities of this person because they’re so fixed on their weaknesses and insecurities.
We all have our own realities, where we see the world differently. Our life experiences color our vision differently than someone else.
When we listen, we add more color to our own vision, helping us to see the reality of others. This, in turn, helps us better respond to other peoples’ needs.
Lōkahi is all about becoming one, and we can’t become one if we don’t listen.
Show compassion + kindness always
Aloha teaches us to JUST LOVE. When you make a decision ahead of time, it’s easier to know what to do when pushed against the flame.
I made a decision, early on, that I’d always show compassion and kindness, even when I don’t agree with people’s choices.
It makes my life so much easier. If we are to live lōkahi, we must learn to give all the basic respect and honor every human deserves.
I’ve been in grocery lines or restaurants when a customer freaks out at an employee. When I see the issue, I’m appalled! Sometimes we allow our ego to get to us, and we blow things out of proportion. I’m sure you’ve seen this too.
We interact with people almost everyday of our lives, so why not make a decision to live more lōkahi? If we’re stuck with people the rest of our lives, why are we not doing something to improve their lives and our own?
Questions to consider in order to live more lōkahi
Make a decision now. Ask yourself, how would I like my relationships with others to be?
I’ve written questions to help you think about the relationships in your life:
Would you like your interactions with people to be pleasant, memorable, or uplifting?
If someone talked about you, without you knowing, what would you want them to say?
Does your spouse really trust you? If not, how can you help them trust you %100?What do you need to change?
If your child has a problem, would they come to you for help? Would they feel ashamed or embarrassed to ask? How can you change that?
Is there a problem in the world that deeply troubles you? What will you do about it?
Do you blame problems on others, or do you first ask, as the apostles of old did: “Is it I?”
Visualize your life in living in unity. Really see it.
Whether you want a better relationship with a spouse, sibling, neighbors, or yourself, truly ask yourself what you need to do.
If you’re still not sure what you need to do or change to have more unity, pray and ask God. He will let you know.
I hope you’ll be able to create more unity in all your relationships, even those from different backgrounds, religions, and places.
As we seek lōkahi in our lives, they become more beautiful, brighter, and happier. We feel at peace with all those we meet, and the world becomes better for it.
With peace and aloha,
Leialoha
Let’s hear from you!
How will you implement the value of lokahi in your life? Was there a time you felt united with others? What can you do to create more experiences like that? Let me know in the comments below!
Ho’omau means to endure with diligence. It is the action of doing and being good, even when things are hard. Ho’omau is patience through challenges, and having a positive attitude, even in the bleakest conditions.
“Ho’o” means – to do, or to be
“Mau” means – Steady, constant, ever. It connotes the feeling of eternity, that things continue:
Persevere.
Endure.
Last.
Therefore, ho’omau is more than just the ability to endure… it is the belief that life goes on forever.
The trials and challenges we face are events in life, not life itself.
Because they don’t last forever, we can face them with positivity and strength.
*A similar Hawaiian value, Ho’omanawanui means to “bear for a season,” encouraging us to be patient in our trials. Ho’omau and Ho’omanawanui share similarities, but ho’omau reminds us that trials don’t last forever, and ho’omanawanui helps us be optimistic and patient through them.
Just Keep Swimming
I’ve never been a good surfer. In fact, I didn’t learn how to surf until I was 13 years old, when my Filipino grandpa took us to White Plains beach on Oahu.
I enjoyed surfing, but I was not very good at it, and whenever we got home, I’d find bruises all over my body from my bones hitting the board when I paddled out to sea.
One time, however, my sister and I separated from our family to surf by ourselves.
Being amateur surfers, we went pretty far out. If we didn’t go so far into the ocean, other people could get hurt if we couldn’t stop or turn our boards while catching a wave.
After a while, however, we began to drift. Before we knew it, we drifted quickly.
It was the current.
The current pulled us away from the surf zone, away from the swimming zone, and away from shore.
Grandpa swam out to us, told us to keep paddling towards shore, but to stay in the direction of the current.
Feeling Stuck…
It felt like hours that we paddled. My arm muscles ached from paddling, and my bones felt like they would shatter from hitting the board. I remember seeing my mom standing on the shoreline, watching with concern. She was so small and so far away.
It felt like we were getting nowhere.
The sky darkened and the waves got bigger the farther away we went. But we kept paddling. At some points, I got off my board and swam with it, because my body hurt so much.
Finally, grandpa stood up on a coral reef.
“We can walk back to shore,” he said. When I stood on the reef, my legs were noodles. It took all my energy to walk to the sandy shore.
My feet had cuts on them by the time we sat on the sand. I looked at my sister, both of us pale with exhaustion.
Grandpa let us rest for a few minutes, but he said we needed to keep going, because the family would be worried. We helped each other carry the longboards, but we had drifted so far off, that it took forever to walk back to the original surf spot.
By the time we reached the rest of the family, my body was done. I laid on the sand and rested, not even caring about the cuts in my feet.
The Currents in Life
Like the current in this story, challenges and trials can come unexpectedly in our lives.
Sometimes we don’t even notice them, but when we do, they exhaust us, threaten to drown us, to pull us further away from safety and relaxation.
So what do we do? We ho’omau. Keep swimming.
These events don’t last forever.
I knew I wouldn’t be stuck out in the sea forever.
If I just kept going, following the current until I reached shore, it would be over.
This is the attitude of ho’omau.
Life is difficult and uncomfortable. People, experiences, and situations can push us past our limits, but when we keep swimming, we can do it.
It would have been easy for me to give up hope and just sink beneath the ocean.
But I knew we’d make it. I didn’t know exactly when, but I knew relief would come. And it did.
Relief does come. Sometimes it doesn’t come as quickly as we’d like it to, but, with God, the peace does come.
Here are some additional ways to help you implement the value of ho’omau in your life.
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Give yourself permission to accept that things are hard
Perhaps you know “that” person who says they’re ok, even when they’re not.
I was totally that person—and sometimes I still am.
Ho’omau isn’t just gritting your teeth and getting through—although, sometimes you really do need to survive—but ho’omau recognizes that things ARE hard.
Ho’omau is truly valuing the situation and accepting that life challenges hurt. They’re uncomfortable, and difficult.
When you give yourself permission to accept that things are hard, you give yourself permission to heal, to cope, and to keep going.
You also give yourself credit for what you’re doing. We can “keep swimming” all our lives, feeling like we’re going to drown at any minute, but if we don’t give ourselves credit for how far we’ve come, we’ll never truly appreciate ourselves.
Ho’omau. Keep going. Persevere. Be steady. You can do all these things better by giving yourself the credit you deserve.
Create safe ground
Turmoil in life is unavoidable, but we can prepare for it by creating safe ground. We can better endure by having something to stand on, just as I had the coral reef to walk to safety.
Is there something or someone that you can turn to for peace, respite, and relief? For me, the answer is Jesus Christ. He is a solid foundation to provide the comfort I need in times of turmoil.
When people and systems fail, when I feel low and depressed, I turn to Christ. He is constant.
Ho’omau is the act of being constant, so how can we be more constant? For me it’s turning to someone who is constant.
Create your safe ground by turning to the source of peace and relief.
Keep hope
Even when you feel in your darkest place, ho’omau. You can do it. I am rooting you on, sending good vibes and cheer, and God is always cheering you on. Trust him, turn to the Savior, and enduring to the end becomes a little easier.
E ho’omau!
Leialoha
How do you ho’omau through your trials?
In the comments below, I’d love to hear your thoughts!
Ho’omanawanui means to bear or endure for a long period of time. In essence, ho’omanawanui is patience. It is being able to persevere well through our various seasons in life.
“Ho’o” – means to do or be
“Manawa” – means time, season, date, or a period of time
“Nui” – means big, great, or large
Ho’omanawanui is to do or be something for a long season, time frame, or date.
There are many examples of things that take a long time to complete or that feel never-ending: raising children, working towards retirement, building a business, completing a creative project, strengthening a relationship, and so forth.
Ho’omanawanui is the attitude of going through these long seasons of life with grace and patience. It is doing and being well during long periods of life, especially those that don’t seem to have an end date.
A similar value to ho’omanawanui is ho’omau, meaning to endure well and persevere.
Growing up in Hawaii, my family was so poor that people in our church and neighborhood offered physical services to us, such as spaces they weren’t using. For example, the people who lived in the lot next to ours didn’t live in their home the full year. They only came around during the winter, so they offered to let my family stay in their house.
I call it a house, because it wasn’t a home. It was a shack in the middle of the Hawaiian woods, a shack that had each piece of wood carefully nailed by hand.
The shack didn’t have running water or electricity. We took showers in the backyard pool (which collected water from the copious amounts of rain in Hilo), and used the bathroom in a little makeshift outhouse, swarming with mosquitoes and an occasional cockroach.
Not idea at all.
Another family felt sorry for us and let us use the bathroom in their barn so we could shower with hot water. They also let us use the free space in their barn for our extra belongings—all of which could not fit in the shack we lived in.
Because we were indebted to these people for using their space and resources, my little sister, Esther, and I got assigned to make the payments.
When I say “payments,” I mean big summer projects. One of our projects was to stain the whole exterior of the shack we lived in. The other project was to organize the knick knacks in the barn, where our moldy boxes and belongings sat.
We got volun-told to do these things, and they were big projects.
Getting through the projects
In the summer between one of our school years, we set up the scaffold and stained the house. We did this everyday, stopping only for bathroom breaks and to eat lunch.
Because we were so poor, we just drank a lot of water and ate the occasional bag of pretzels our mom bought us.
Instead of dwelling on how long these projects took, and how tiring they were on our bodies, we, instead, focused on the positives.
We blasted the radio to the tunes of Taylor Swift, Miley Cyrus, the Fray, and Nickelback. We made up stories to write in the future. I thought I could “stain” my hair green, so we experimented secretly and I ended up cutting some hair off!
In this long, tiring period of our lives, at least we had each other.
We can’t always control our circumstances.
My sister and I had no option but to contribute, since we knew very well our neighbors and fellow church members were offering their spaces and services free of charge.
But we controlled what we could.
It was a long summer, but I look back at it with delight because I grew closer to my sister and enjoyed that time with her.
With ho’omanawanui, we control what we can: our attitude and our outlook.
There are seasons in our lives that seem to go on forever, but when we give ourselves permission to look for the positives, we can make these seasons bearable, even enjoyable.
Here are some other ways to live the value of ho’omanawanui.
Use this picture to post on social media!
Be patient + positive
Do you find yourself rolling your eyes (internally) when someone talks forever? Or when you’re waiting in a line at a grocery store? Or when faced with a circumstance outside of your control?
I’ve learned that we GROW THE MOST in the times that we feel stuck. Sometimes I hate that this is true… but we don’t usually grow or learn in the comforts of life. We grow in the difficult time, when things are inconvenient or uncomfortable.
When we feel stuck in a situation that we don’t like, we have the opportunity to be more creative, try new things, and test our willpower.
When we look at our obstacles as opportunities to learn and grow, we not only help ourselves… we help others too!
How would being a little more patient help a child? A spouse? Or even yourself?
Remember that challenges are events in life, not life itself.
Yes, there are many inconveniences in life, but when we deal with them patiently and positively, these inconveniences can strengthen us in ways we never imagined.
Eliminate selfishness
Like the previous tip suggests, try to exercise a little more selflessness. When was the last time you seriously pondered who could use your help? Or the last time you prayed and asked God how you can serve someone?
When was the last time you sincerely thanked someone for what they did? Or the last time you felt genuinely happy for someone on social media (or in real life) for their successes?
When you’re driving or getting ready for the day, are you asking God how you can help?
Ho’omanawanui encourages us to be selfless. Of course, we still need to take care of ourselves, but we can find GREAT joy in our seasons of life by serving and thinking of others.
Celebrate the little wins too
Going to high school in Hawaii, we had a lot of pa’ina, which is basically a little party with food. I guess most people might call it a potluck.
The funny thing about pa’ina is that we didn’t even have HUGE things to celebrate… we had pa’ina for completing a section in our English classes, or completing a math quiz (on a random day), or just because it was someone’s birthday. It didn’t have to be huge.
And the same is with ho’omanawanui. When we practice patience, a difficult task for many of us, we should celebrate the wins!
That one time you replied calmly to your child? Win!
The moment someone cut you off on the road but you quickly took control of your emotions? Win!
Being kind to yourself when all the things on your list don’t get done? Win!
There are so many wins in life, and if we take the time to celebrate them, we can actually become more patient! Acknowledging our efforts is a HUGE win!
Oh, and you don’t have to have a formal “pa’ina” to celebrate your little victories, but, as a Hawaiian, I always encourage food! 😛
Final Thoughts
I hope that you can find happiness in the periods of life that last a long time. When we implement the value of ho’omanawanui, we can make even the longest + hardest challenges a little lighter and sometimes even more delightful.
With love + joy,
Leialoha
P.S. The correct pronunciation for ho’omanawanui is “Ho – o – mana- va – nu – ee“ 😉
Let’s hear it from you!
How do you live the value of ho’omanawanui in your life? Let’s hear it in the comments below! 🙂
E komo mai! 🌺 I am the author of Aloha State of Mind, a self help book that teaches you how to create paradise wherever you are. My blog, Naturally Aloha, focuses on all things Hawaii: culture, values, food, lifestyle, and more. I hope my writing inspires you to carry aloha with you everywhere! Learn more…
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