+ How to Stop
Growing up in Hawaii, I learned a lot of common sayings from locals, but one saying really applies to those moments you don’t like yourself, or when I didn’t like myself. One of these sayings is, “Is all good.” People would say this for everything—when you made a mistake, when you forgot something, when there was an accident, when you tripped, when you stammered on your words… and to be honest, it was all good.
But, for some reason, we seem to dwell on the bad things about ourselves, and to us, things really aren’t “all good.” Because we’re only human, there are reasons we don’t like ourselves. Perhaps we learned beliefs from our parents, who said things about themselves, and we internalized it into ourselves. Perhaps we suffered from abuse, neglect, trauma, or some other grief in life, and that changed our mind into thinking, “I don’t like myself” or “I don’t deserve anything good in life” or “I won’t ever be happy.”
This article talks about the top reasons you don’t like yourself, and then how to stop. Why is it important to know the reasons you don’t like yourself? When you begin to understand your thought processes and your beliefs about yourself (which are usually false), then you begin to realize that you are of infinite worth. You have full permission to like—even love—yourself because a Heavenly Father already loves you so much, and he created you as uniquely YOU. You can’t be replaced by anyone, and when you see that, anything is possible. You deserve joy, grace, and love.
So here are the top reasons you don’t like yourself…
You compare yourself and your life to others
This is the most obvious reason you might not like yourself. When you scroll through social media and see others (especially peers) who have so much success, and you don’t have those same results, it can feel crushing. It can feel like you you’re doing something wrong, or you’re just not rich, pretty, skinny, etc enough. Basically you feel like you “aren’t enough” and that you never will be. But that’s simply not true. You ARE enough, and you always have been. You have a unique mission here on this earth, different from the girl you see on social media, different from your neighbor, or the lady at church. You are beautifully YOU! 😀
You have suffered through a lot of darkness
Mental illness, such as depression and anxiety can really cause feelings of dislike for yourself. With depression, you can feel hopeless, isolated, and even helpless. And when you have a small group of friends (or no friends), it can feel so alone. You think, “Well, if nobody likes to hang out with me, am I even worth anything?” The feelings of self-hatred can burn so strongly in these moments of grief and despair. My heart weeps for those who feel this way—because I was in the same place too once. Know that there is hope. There is always hope, through a loving God, who created a perfect plan just for you. Trust in that plan, trust that he loves you infinitely, without bounds.
You suffered neglect
If you were neglected as a child or adolescent by a parent or sibling, or even as an adult by a spouse, then you can begin to believe that nobody cares about you. You begin to think that because you’ve been so neglected, that
Someone took advantage of you
Whether you were the victim of abuse or a victim of the system (government, school, etc), someone somewhere down the line took advantage of you, making you feel weak, hopeless, helpless, and unwanted. It’s not fair, you think. Why do all these bad things happen to me? The conclusion comes up that you probably deserve it, or that you have no worth so of course it would happen to you. That’s not true though. You were a victim to someone else’s inappropriate behavior, but you still have worth. You are still a beautiful daughter of a King.
Your needs weren’t met
If you didn’t have the basic necessities of life growing up (shelter, food, clothes), then you might think that nobody cares about you, so why should you care about yourself? This simply isn’t true though. YOU can be the chain in your family that breaks off the cycle of poverty, of abuse, of neglect. You CAN have your needs met. As you continue to work hard and keep your eyes focused on the light, you can do it.
You’re not where you want to be (physically, mentally, etc)
Sometimes the struggle is just SO REAL in trying to reach your dreams. Whether you’re trying to lose weight, be more patient, or just be kinder to yourself, when you fail, it’s easy to get frustrated at YOU. But here’s the thing. You’re trying! Some people don’t even make it to the step of trying. Every try is a step in the right direction. And every fail is an opportunity to learn. You got this sister!
How to Stop it + Start LOVING yourself more
When Hawaii locals would say to me, “Is all good,” sometimes I’d feel a little infuriated. “They obviously haven’t been through or seen what I’ve seen…” I’d say in my head. As someone who survived abuse and poverty, I realized, however, that I could MAKE things “all good.” I could even make things BETTER. I was in control of my life, and I could choose how to react to things and how to start believing in myself.
And you can too. You have full control of your life, and you can start believing in yourself more. To start loving yourself more, you need to first recognize the source of your dislike. What is the honest reason you dislike yourself so much? Read through the reasons above and take time to ponder your life, your purpose, and how all of your experiences have molded you. Then, recognize and process the reasons you don’t like yourself. Will you let these reasons affect you for the rest of your life? Or will you let go of the negativity and recognize that you have an infinite and divine worth, and that you can reach whatever dreams you want?
Once you make your decision, live by it. Recognize that you can do it! Our trials and hardships are events in life, not life itself. Start loving yourself a little more by giving yourself credit for even the smallest successes. Celebrate the gift of your life. You are so loved and so worthy. I hope you can start loving yourself more this year and experience even more joy!
With aloha,
Leialoha
