Depression brings on many suicidal thoughts, but one thing I’ve found, as someone with high functioning depression, is that suicidal thoughts don’t always mean you want to commit suicide. Thinking about death just seems to be a common plight of those with depression.
I find myself thinking about death quite often, but I don’t want to die, and I don’t want to commit suicide. However, in reflecting on this I realized that I’m not the only one with this problem. In talking to close friends and family who have depression or anxiety, I discovered that they sometimes experience suicidal thoughts too.
So whether you are hanging by a thread or wondering what to do about those thoughts, here are some tips to help you.
Tell someone
Seek help right away if it’s serious. If you are planning a suicide or forming ways you can carry it out, call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255 or a trusted family member or friend. If you are just thinking about suicide but not acting on it, please, please, please still talk to someone.
The first time I talked to my husband about it, he was blown away. He had no idea that I thought those kinds of things. I told him about the various scenarios that would come up and the times that they occurred. Just talking to him about it took a load off my shoulders and helped me not feel so alone. I also tell him each time I have suicidal thoughts so that he can offer assistance if it gets worse for me.
Just letting someone know that you’re having those thoughts, like a spouse or trusted friend, and helping them understand the level of severity will help you. I feel like I see things more clearly when I just tell someone what I’m thinking and can let that load off.
Write about it
Just as talking to someone helps lighten the load, writing about it can too. As a college student in Utah, I felt like I had absolutely nobody to talk to. I didn’t have any trusted friends, and my sisters lived 4 hours away. So I opened up a word document and typed out all of my feelings. Seeing them on written down felt pretty cleansing, as though I could now release all of them. I believe you will feel the same way if you write down your feelings.
Discover your triggers
I don’t always think about death and dying. In fact, I noticed that these thoughts are usually triggered by something else. Extreme stress, fatigue, hunger, and even just random things that people do or say can trigger the suicidal thoughts.
So in addition to the tip before (writing about it), record things that happened before you started having the suicidal thoughts. Did someone say something or treat you a certain way? Were you totally stressed out? Did you feel overwhelmed by something?
By writing down the things that trigger the suicidal thoughts, it makes it easier to know what to avoid and/or let go.
Don’t dwell on it
Suicidal thoughts can last for days. The longest I’ve had to deal with them was probably about 2 weeks, but for some people with severe depression, it can be even longer.
The key to letting go of the suicidal thoughts is to stop dwelling on it. I know that’s hard to say when your brain keeps moving it back to the front of your brain, but as you practice controlling your thoughts and learning strategies to cope, you strengthen your willpower. It makes it easier to stop thinking about suicidal thoughts in the future when you choose it.
Practice self-awareness
Self awareness means that you are conscious of your thoughts, character, and behaviors. Lack of self awareness can make you feel numb, leading to confusion, hopelessness, and even suicide itself.
There are ways to develop self-awareness, such as thinking about thinking.
Really listen to your thoughts and your brain. An example of an internal conversation might look like this. “What am I thinking? Are my thoughts reasonable? If they aren’t, do I have the emotional and mental capacity to be reasonable at the moment? If not, who can I go to for help?”
Let your thoughts be the servant and you the master. You tell them what to think and do.
Don’t be alone
I’ve found that suicidal thoughts stick their ugly heads up when I’m alone. It seems to know that I’m the most vulnerable when I’m alone. I listen to them because I’m not paying attention to something else or being with someone else.
Don’t get me wrong on this. It’s totally ok to be alone, and I enjoy some quiet time to myself. But if you have severe suicidal thoughts, it’s best to find someone and tell them, or reach out to someone. I text my husband and tell him how I’m feeling but I always reassure him that I’m ok because I am self aware and know that the feelings aren’t severe.
I hope something here has helped you with your suicidal thoughts. Thinking about death isn’t something to be afraid of, and you shouldn’t feel bad that those things crop up. However, it is SO important to get the help you need, whether it’s talking to a counselor, friend, family member, church leader, or just calling the suicide prevention hotline.
Developing skills of self awareness and avoiding or overcoming triggers can help you dodge or even completely eliminate suicidal thoughts in the long run.
I am sending all the good vibes and hope your way as you continue your journey through this!
Lots of aloha,
Lei
P.S. If you want to dig a little deeper into strengthening your character to deal with these kinds of things, sign up for my free mini course, 5 Hawaiian Days to Wellness! I promise you’ll love it! And it’s FREE!
Summer brings memories of pool parties, popsicles, barbeques, watermelon, and the hot sun. For those suffering from mental illness, however, summer can quickly become a depressing cycle of feeling left out, alone, and downright miserable. It feels like your summer has no joy. It can also feel like there is something wrong with everything, especially yourself.
To get out of the summer funk, try these 10 tips for a joy-infused summer.
Get outside more
It’s really hot outside during the summer, but that’s a great reason to get out! If you can spend even just 15-20 minutes in the sun, the natural vitamins it provides you can help you feel so much better. One great way to get outside is to go swimming because it’s the perfect combo of hot (the sun) and cool (the water). If you’re not feeling confident because you don’t have the so-called “summer body”, look at it as an opportunity to start loving yourself at this point of your journey.
Plan a trip
This doesn’t have to be a huge, fancy trip. Even just a trip up your local canyon to camp or to a nearby town is good enough. Summer is a great time to travel, and the adventure of traveling can do wonders for your mental health. It can also help you create new, fun memories! Now that’s a joyful summer!
Eat good food
Summer has some of the best foods, from barbecues to ice cream and watermelon. Prepare a special meal this summer for yourself or for others. Serving yourself and others can bring satisfaction and joy into your life.
Take more pictures
These can be selfies, wildlife, nature… anything! Create memories by taking more pictures this summer.
Find water
As a Hawaii girl, I’m always looking for large bodies of water. I absolutely love being near water because 1) it’s beautiful, 2) it’s calming, and 3) it cools me off. Like the first tip, get outside more and stay cool by finding water. It can be a pool, a lake, a reservoir, or the ocean… but find water and play, relax, and enjoy the sun. Don’t forget the sunscreen though! 😛
Try something new
In a nearby town or city, find a new skill to learn or try. There are many fun activities to do that don’t cost very much. Bowling, ax throwing, making art, ceramics, etc are a few of the many fun things you can try. When I lived by myself as a college student, I appreciated that the city had lots of fun things to do. One of the fun things was a chocolate tasting tour. If you’re feeling down, that’s definitely a pick-me-up!
Get enough sleep
Summer days go on forever. The sun rises early and sets late at night, so it’s easy to stay out super late. However, the inconsistency of your schedule can cause a lot of problems—physically, mentally, and emotionally. Be sure to stick to a routine. A late night every once in a while is ok, but every night will keep you feeling drained.
Sleep under the stars
I had the recent experience of sleeping under the stars at Lake Powell. I marveled at their beauty and felt humbled by my experience. It helped remind me of my sense of place. If you feel down and don’t feel like you belong, sleeping under the stars will remind you of a loving God watching over you. That’s enough to boost the joy for your summer and refresh you for the fall and winter months ahead!
Spend a little more time with people
(and less time on the screen)
Our phones take up so much of our lives and time, so unplug for a day or two. Spend more time with people you love and enjoy being with. People have a little more time during the summer to do things, so schedule some dinners or activities to build your relationships. If the thought of getting together with others feels overwhelming, then take it one step at a time. Maybe get together with just one close friend and work your way up to getting together with a few people.
Keep a journal
With all of the memories you’re making this summer, keep record of it. You will be so grateful to look back at the pictures, your feelings, and the activities you did this summer—including the hard stuff you went through. Keeping a journal provides you with an outlet for the good, the bad, and the ugly. But it can mostly help you focus on the most important things in your life. After all, the quote goes:
The most important things in life aren’t things.
As you continue your journey this summer, I hope you can use these tips to bring more joy into your life! Even if you’re at a very difficult point in your life, know that there is always something to feel mahalo for and something that can bring you joy.
I send all the aloha and good vibes your way for a joy-infused summer!
No matter what kind or level of sadness, it is incredibly hard to deal with depression. Some days are better than others, but when depression hits hard, it hits really hard.
The inability to think, feel, or even speak can leave you feeling worthless, unloved, and so alone. It feels like nobody can understand the grief and that nobody cares—even if you know that people care.
As someone who suffers from high functioning depression, I want to share some of the strategies I’ve used to deal with depression. I am not a doctor or therapist and cannot guarantee these tips will work but these are things that have worked for me. Please also note that I have not taken any medication to help with my depression—I deal with it solely through the tips I will share below.
Exercise
If you can do something as simple and short as a 30 minute workout, this signals to your body your subconscious (or conscious) decision to take care of yourself. For some people, like me, exercise is an outlet and an amazing way to deal with depression. I am motivated to workout because I know it will relieve stress. However, some days, when I’m not feeling motivated, I literally have to drag my feet to get working out… But I always do it because I know I will feel better.
For some people, exercise is probably the last thing they can think about. Just getting out of bed is a chore. However, in the moments that you don’t want to workout, I want you to visualize what it would feel like if you did workout. Visualize how you’d feel after the workout—you might be sore, but what about the satisfaction that you gain from getting out some sweat and having your heart pump? What about the satisfaction of just taking care of your body?
Each time I don’t want to workout, I take a couple of minutes to visualize how I will feel after a workout. This helps me focus on something else, as opposed to the feelings of sadness and hopelessness, and I begin to see that I can totally do a workout and the satisfaction and benefits from it are totally worth it!
Eat healthy
I used to not eat very healthy because I was so poor. I ate whatever I could get my hands on, or whatever was the cheapest thing I could find. This contributed to a lack of energy and a lack of self worth. For example, I would eat half a snickers bar for lunch, and the other half for dinner because I was just so poor. I would have a short whiff of energy from the sugar, but then I’d be sluggish and tired the rest of the day. Also, even though I worked out everyday, I could not get rid of the pooch or extra body fat because of the food I ate. I knew that this was not a healthy and sustainable lifestyle, so I got a job—well, 3 jobs. The work provided better food.
I actually started packing sandwiches and apples, made sure to drink plenty of water, and ate snacks throughout the day (as much as I could afford). These small changes significantly impacted my energy levels. To this day I try to pack snacks and keep myself fed because hunger can be a trigger for depression.
Try to get to know your body and eat intuitively. Some people with depression don’t eat at all, and some eat too much. Find a healthy balance, follow some healthy food bloggers, and then get cooking. You will be surprised how big a difference that healthy eating can make for your depression.
Become more spiritual
My belief in God has literally saved my life plenty of times. I won’t lie: I’ve had suicidal thoughts. I’ve thought about dying more days of my life than I’m comfortable admitting. But every time I’m at a low, I pray to God and ask him to help me see clearly, or at least have the energy to get through whatever I’m doing.
You will be surprised how comforting and how merciful God is. I’ve learned on a deeply spiritual level that God always wants to help us, and he never forgets us. If you are depressed, I encourage you with all of my heart to turn to God for help and answers. If you haven’t prayed before, or don’t know where to start, then
Journal
When I get depressed, I pull out my journal and write. I write everything that I’m thinking and feeling, even the thoughts about death. As someone with high functioning depression, I seem normal and functioning, but my head always feels like a puzzle and most times I feel soooo sad when I should be happy.
When these moments come, I just write everything. Having my jumbled thoughts written on paper (or on a doc on my laptop) somehow helps me organize my thoughts and deal with depression. What seemed like such abstract and complicated situations become doable, and I begin to see clearly. I recognize the things I can control, and the things I can’t control. I let go of the things I can’t control, and as soon as I do that, a weight is lifted off my shoulders.
This has helped me significantly deal with depression because we are our worst critics. Depression makes me feel like I’m not good enough, that I’ve caused all the problems, and that the world would be better off without me. Writing about all of this gives me a good cry, but then it’s all out on paper and I don’t have to think about it anymore. In Hawaii, we say the word “pau” for finished. The thoughts are literally pau because you wrote them all out and you can now continue from a fresh slate. Sure, you might have the same feelings again, but for now you can let those things go.
I always end my journal entries with a positive and uplifting quote or beautiful picture. Putting something positive or beautiful in my journal is like the calm after the storm. I can let things go and continue from a state of peace and love.
Go out in nature
Being from Hawaii, it should come as no surprise that people are so happy because we have access to the sun and to the beach. The beach provides blue space and refreshment. The sun provides Vitamin D and general warmth (I’ve always described the sun as feeling like a “hug from nature”—which is so important for depression, especially if you are constantly alone) for your physical body. However, not everyone has access to a beach. When I moved to the mainland, this was probably one of the hardest things for me.
I missed my turtle friends and the convenience of the healing powers of ocean water and waves. Longing for the sun during the winter months (I have seasonal depression too), I had to find another way to enjoy nature—and I did. To cope with all of this, I long walks—mostly by rivers. I also tried to sunbathe as much as possible, because this warmth reminded me of the Hawaiian sun. More recently, hiking and jogging outside has helped me a ton.
Whatever you need to do to get you some fresh air and sun—do it! 🙂
Replace negativity with positivity
Depression makes you have sooooo many negative thoughts, and they’re all directed at YOU. Words like this pop up: “You’re worthless.” “Nobody loves you.” “Everybody would be better off without you.” Can you feel the negativity in those words? The energy just dulls, and the vibe just dies a little. Something I’ve had to do is replace all of these negative thoughts—and sometimes you can write these things down.
Here are some examples to replace the negative thoughts…
“I am of great worth—to myself, to God, and to (insert name here—for me it’s always my husband). I have great things to offer.”
“I am loved by God, who is a loving Heavenly Father, and my (insert person here).”
Can you feel the energy rise in these statements? Can you feel the calm and relaxation in your spirit? Negativity disconnects and limits our ability to be and feel spiritual. The more we replace the negative thoughts, the more connected we feel with ourselves, with God, and with others.
I want to finish by adding a word of encouragement and good will as you deal with depression. As impossible as it may feel to be happy while in the depths of depression, there is hope. YOU can choose your path, and while depression makes it EXTRA hard to choose a path of happiness and light, you can do it! Your external circumstances can’t determine what happens inside of you. I am sending all the love, aloha, and good vibes that I can your way. You are loved. You are of worth. And you can do this!
Lots and lots of aloha,
Lei
Comment below some of the strategies you’ve used to deal with your depression. I’d love to hear them and I reply to every comment! 🙂
When you are depressed, it can feel as though life has lost all purpose. You may wonder, “what is the point?” Or you may just feel completely hopeless. Depression does a great job of confusing the mind and making simple concepts and ideas–or even simple scenarios in your life–feel like complex and complicated experiences.
The following sentences can help ground you in these moments when you are depressed. These simple statements can remind you of your purpose, your value, and your life.
Reading these sentences aloud or in your head can give you the refocus and refresh you need to rise above the depression.
If you’re sick and tired of having high hopes but never reaching your goals, it’s time to stop and ask yourself why aren’t they happening? Maybe you want to lose weight or start a new business. Maybe you want to increase your income or improve a relationship. Whatever your goal might be, there are some serious roadblocks to success.
I’ve been there—I think we all have. The disappointment of reaching the end of the year and realizing I didn’t do all I’d set to do in the beginning just sucks. But the good news is that it doesn’t have to be that way. Nope! You can have 100% responsibility over the failure or success of reaching your goals. So here are the top 5 reasons why you’re not reaching your goals + ways to fix them!
You’re too lazy
I started with this because honestly, we have all been there. Sitting somewhere, we take the time to write down goals and dreams, fantasizing the future, but when it gets down to the grind of things, the “thick of thin” takes the first class seat in your life.
Procrastination sets in and you find every excuse in the book to not reach your goals. It’s in our small, day-to-day actions that we can be lazy and find any and every distraction possible that drains our time from doing the things that will bring us satisfaction.
You’ve probably heard this a million times, but in order to create a reachable goal in the first place, the goal must be SMART (view the acronym below).
Specific
Measurable
Attainable
Relevant
Timely
It has to meet all of these criteria to be a good goal in the first place. My personal favorite is the T, timeliness. When you attach deadlines to your goals, it creates a sense of urgency. It also helps you make better plans and arrange your schedule to make time for your goals!
You won’t take responsibility
Did you know that you have 100% responsibility for your life? In my Hawaii Vibe, I talk about how we are response-able, meaning that we have the ability to respond.
Whatever your current situation might be, you can choose to get up and reach those goals. Or you can choose not to. It’s totally up to you.
Leialoha
Some of the most amazing people I know and admire have been in some of the darkest places, but they chose to rise above their circumstances and take 100% responsibility for their lives.
So what will you choose to do?
You’re “too busy”
#ToughLove but this is another excuse. You’ve heard this a million times but on average a person spends 8-12 hours a day doing things. If your goal is to lose weight, what can you do to give yourself at least 30 min a day to do that? If your goal is to improve your relationship with your spouse or children, how much of those 8 hours have you devoted to them?
You see, we spend so much of our time being “busy” but does being “busy” provide us the rich satisfaction and joy we would receive from spending time on the things that matter most? It’s like the story of the man who was chopping down a tree but his ax was dull. It was taking him forever. A friend asked why he wouldn’t just pause and sharpen the ax—after all, it would make the process of cutting the tree soooo much faster. The man simply replied that he was “too busy” and “didn’t have the time.”
Can you imagine how the quality of your life would improve if you would just take some time to sharpen the saw and work towards your goals?
You don’t have the resources
This is actually a legit reason you might not be able to reach your goals. When I was in high school, my family lived in poverty. I had big dreams of being a writer, but we couldn’t be on the computer unless we started the generator (did I say poverty? Yes I really meant it—we lived in a house that didn’t have running water or electricity). The generator would be on for maybe half an hour and my siblings and I would try to negotiate who could use the computer for that amount of time. Homework always took precedence, and then games took second place because my siblings needed something to get their minds off the current situation.
I decided that since I couldn’t type my words, I’d write them. Whenever I could snag a free composition notebook or paper somewhere, I’d do it (no, I didn’t steal anything, I’d just use paper from the recycling bins at school, or ask my mom to get me a composition notebook when they were on sale for 50 cents or less). I wrote so many words on paper, and my ideas exploded on these pages. To this day I write ideas on paper, but I type my articles and stories on my laptop. What I’m getting at is that you don’t have to have the resources to reach your goals now.
Everyone starts somewhere, so start where you are.
How can you creatively use what you have to start working towards your goals now?
It’s time to stop reaching only 1-2% of your goals and time to start reaching all 100% of your goals! You can totally do this! Start applying some of the tips here and let me know in the comments what you’re committing to do!
E komo mai! 🌺 I am the author of Aloha State of Mind, a self help book that teaches you how to create paradise wherever you are. My blog, Naturally Aloha, focuses on all things Hawaii: culture, values, food, lifestyle, and more. I hope my writing inspires you to carry aloha with you everywhere! Learn more…
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