The Hawaiian word pā’ina is a small party, potluck, or dinner. The Hawaiian word ho’olaulea is a large party or celebration. No blog about Hawaii would be complete without a discussion on food. Food plays a powerful role in every culture, as it brings people together, nourishes the body and spirit, and makes us all feel better in general. Especially in Hawaii, never underestimate the power of food to open hearts and spread aloha.
The Hawaiian luau portrays the value of pā’ina
The Hawaiian luau draws people to touristy night shows, full of music, dancing, and traditional luau food. The dancers, with their colorful costumes, hip-shaking action, fire knives, and bright smiles, light up the stage. The pounding of the drum fills the salty night air, and the smell of food makes any person’s stomach growl in anticipation.
The luau plate is a pageant of colors: green laulau with salty, hot pork in the center, pink poke, red lomi lomi salmon, tender kalua pig, white rice, mac salad, chicken long rice, white squares of haupia, and, of course, purple poi. Occasionally, depending on who hosts the luau, shoyu or katsu chicken, purple sweet potato, or teriyaki beef is added to the plate.This is a taste of the islands, a plate that probably can’t get more traditionally Hawaiian.
Food nourishes us
No matter if the visitor to Hawaii gets a taste of this ‘ono (delicious) food at a tourist luau, or a family member’s luau–baby’s first birthday, a wedding, graduation, and anniversary–good food and entertainment does something for the soul. When we eat well, we feel well.
Although luau is the most commonly used word in Hawaii for a feast, I grew up using the word pāʻina, which is a meal, dinner, or small party with food. Pāʻina is a time for us to gather and appreciate one another, all over a delicious, heart-warming meal. With pāʻina, we learn how to use food to serve and give, bring our loved ones together and bond, and celebrate life.
Using food as a tool to assemble, meet, and love one another, we create a space of aloha. Our hearts are never far from Hawaii when we learn to use food in the right way for ourselves and others.
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Have pāʻina for others
No matter the event, my high school classmates and teammates always talked about having pāʻina. They wanted to have a party, so we had pāʻina for big things and little things: when we finished a test, for someone’s birthday, when we had a special sports practice, on weekends after races and sports events, and the list could go on. I couldn’t always bring food because of my family’s circumstances, but I did enjoy the idea of celebration.
We should celebrate both little and big successes in life. How often do we get down on ourselves because we focus on the negatives? “We didn’t do this, we didn’t do that, and we failed at that…” In our culture, and with the rise of social media, each of us tends to focus only on our flaws and weaknesses, the negative stuff.
But what about the good things we do? All of us do great things every single day. While we don’t need to host a big party or have plenty of guests over, how can we celebrate the goodness of our lives and others? After a long day of work, I definitely savor a meal–I earned the meal.
When we had pāʻina in high school, everyone brought food to contribute, and we just enjoyed one another’s company. We were able to kick back and relax, including the teacher, for just a moment. It was a celebration of little and big victories.
Pā’ina celebrates little and big victories
But the concept of pāʻina can go even further than a little get together. For those with mental illness or debilitating struggles, a pāʻina can mean just celebrating the fact we got up and put ourselves together for the day. For those who work hard at their jobs to provide, the pāʻina can include spending meaningful time with loved ones.
There are so many reasons to have a pāʻina. We don’t have to do anything huge or special, like a ho’olaulea, which involves lots of people, food, and usually dance. But we can just do something small, yet rewarding. We should give ourselves and others credit for the big and small wins in life.
Know limits
I had an aunty who always said, “No limit!” when we visited her house. She brought out pan after pan of pani popo (rolls in coconut pudding), laualau, and made one fresh batch of rice after the next. When we slowed down, she still made other food, as if she expected a second wave of hunger to wash over us. I could never imagine her doing anything else in life except cooking… because she always had food in the house, and she always made sure we ate.
My siblings and I remember her words: “No limit!” She said it over and over again, placing more food in front of our loaded plates. I was only in my pre-teen years, but I had already developed a bad relationship with food. To me, anything I put into my body made me fat. While the food tasted good, all I could think was that this would be some extra pounds I wouldn’t be able to lose.
The truth about food
At some point in our lives, every one of us realizes we might have a bad relationship with food. Some of us have “no limits” when it comes to food: we eat when we’re bored, sad, tired, happy, and angry. We eat any kind of food–good and bad. Some of us have no limits on our mental relationship with food: we think (as I did) that any food entering our bodies does it no good. Some of us eat food uncontrollably, unable to stop.
With pāʻina, we know our limits. It’s true that when we attend parties, we usually find ourselves gouging on the food, eating more than we normally would. It’s just a fact that some of us are social eaters, eating more when we’re with people. And that’s ok–eating food together symbolizes becoming a part of one another’s lives, partaking of and sharing in each other’s goodness and love.
However, we should always know our limits. Do we have a tendency to only focus on the food? What about the people, the reason for gathering?
Even in our personal daily lives, do we know our limits with food? Pāʻina especially tastes delicious when we deserve it. Are we living our lives so the food tastes deserving? Hawaiian food isn’t always the healthiest food, and I’m aware of that. This is a reason I don’t eat Hawaiian food all the time! It tastes delicious, but it’s also just kind of heavy. Do we know our limits on “treats?”
When we create a better relationship with food, knowing our limits, we feel better about ourselves. Food becomes a tool that we use to nourish ourselves and others, sharing greater aloha through a physical means.
Pā’ina nourishes joy
When my little sister graduated from college, she and her husband moved right away. It was a busy time of life, so we didn’t get to do anything to celebrate. About a month or two later, I told her we were going to have a pā’ina to celebrate her receiving her degree.
It meant so much to her, but it also meant a lot to me. As I served her, I felt a nourishment of joy–not only from the food, but the company and celebration. I’m so grateful for the value of pā’ina. It taught me how to celebrate life and nourish the good in life. Too often we focus on the negative, but there is so much good being done, and so many positives!
So have a happy pā’ina—for all your little and big successes!
With aloha,
Leialoha
P.S. Want to learn more about the Hawaiian values? Check out my Free resources to bring aloha home!
Let’s hear it from you!
How do you celebrate pā’ina with your loved ones? Let us know in the comments below!
The Hawaiian word pau means finished, completed, or done.
“Pau” is probably one of the more commonly used Hawaiian words by locals all over the Hawaiian islands. Those raised in homes where Pidgin English, Hawaii’s Creole language, is spoken are also very familiar with this word.
As a young girl, to tell my parents I was finished eating, I would say, “I’m pau.”
My parents also had a specific hand gesture, extending both palms up and twisting them, as if to show there was “no more” in their hands. Even if my siblings or I asked permission to do a certain activity, or go a certain place, they would do that hand motion to symbolize it was all done, and the answer was “no.”
The value of Pau
Although the word pau is not a Hawaiian value, and is more commonly used in its literal sense, meaning that something is done, this word has a lot of significance to me. I’d like to share with you why this word means so much, and how you can use it in your life too.
Here is the dictionary definition of “pau,” and I hope it illustrates the value of it better:
Finished
Ended
Through
Terminated
Completed
Over
All done
Entirely
Completely
After
To be completely possessed
Consumed
Destroyed
In life we go through challenges and hardships. None of us are immune. Sometimes others cause the challenges. And other times, we cause the challenges.
Either way, when we overcome the challenge, we usually forget to have closure.
Closure means that:
You’ve processed what happened
Took out the lessons from the experience
Grieved what you needed to grieve
Felt joy for whatever you needed to feel joy for
And you can now move on.
Many people don’t have closure with things that happened in their lives. Most of us just stuff everything down, and, when a moment related (or sometimes unrelated) to a tragic past event occurs, we are undone.
Undone.
That means we break down, feel triggered, anxious, or depressed about something we figuratively “swept under the bed” for years.
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Pau is closure
We should give ourselves the time to process things—even things that happen on a normal basis. For example, I’ve struggled with family for many years. Because I’ve never been able to trust my extended family, it’s hard to trust the in-laws. After getting together with in-laws, I feel exhausted. But I give myself grace and time to process.
I give myself that grace because I know it’s not my fault. I deserve to give myself credit for trying, process, and have closure with whatever happened that day with the in-laws.
Whatever your struggle, give yourself the grace and time of processing, growing, and closing.
Pau is completion
How often do we easily forgive others, but hold onto the grudges against ourselves? Do you get annoyed or impatient with yourself for past mistakes? Even if you have forgiven yourself, do you often go back and forth, feeling bad then OK about it?
We can forgive completely and thoroughly with Christ. If we don’t think we can move forward, turn to him. Because he suffered for all of us, we can repent and become better. We can finally be PAU with the things that have hurt us, whether by others or ourselves.
We can start over, rejoice in life, and change. Pau is completion. It’s moving past our mistakes and seeking to try again.
We’re human and we slip up all the time. But with Christ, we can truly be pau with the mistakes we’ve made.
Pau is hopeful
Even though pau is just a commonly used word in Hawaii, I’ve used it many times in my life to be pau with difficult things, be pau with bad habits, be pau with relationships or things that weren’t serving me.
So pau is hopeful. We’ll never be pau with learning, as we grow, make mistakes, and try again everyday. But hopefully, as we recognize the things we can be pau with, it will bring even more joy into our lives.
With aloha,
Leialoha
Let’s hear it from you!
How do you have closure with certain things in your life? What are some things that it’s time to be pau with? Share in the comments below! Mahalo!
Ka lā hiki ola is the Hawaiian saying meaning that each day brings new life and possibility. This saying encourages us to look forward with optimism. No matter what challenges, failures, mistakes, or struggles we face today, we have an opportunity to grow and change with each new day.
Ka lā literally translates to “the day.”
Hiki means – the possibility, can, may, able to
Ola* means – life, health, well-being, and alive.
*On a deeper level, ola can also mean recover, heal, survive, and thrive.
So ka lā hiki ola literally means the possibility of life, wellbeing, and health in each day. How amazing does that sound? Don’t we all want goodness in our lives every day?
How do we embrace each day as an opportunity to for wellbeing, life, and goodness?
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Learning from the Sunrise and Sunset
Have you ever seen the sun rise over the horizon, or the sun set over the ocean? With beautiful pastel colors painting the sky like a rainbow, and the reflection on the sparkling water, sunrises and sunsets are breathtaking.
But what’s more hopeful about sunrises and sunsets are the promises they bring. With each new sunrise, there is the promise of another bright day, another opportunity to try.
With each new sunset, there is the promise of closure, of rest, of reflection. It also promises that the sun will rise tomorrow.
Each day is a gift full of promises, and when we recognize our life as a gift, it changes everything.
We want to do more, be more, and see more. Our desires turn to serving others and becoming a force of good in the world.
We want every person to feel the promises of a new day for themselves.
It’s suddenly plain to see that we are not made for endings, but for beautiful beginnings.
Each day is brand new.
Here are more ways to live this value.
Ka lā hiki ola means to look for the positives
Our lives are full of heartache and trials, but when we live by this saying, we look for the positives. We look for reasons to smile and rejoice.
We rejoice for others too. Even though we all fail at times, we’re just happy to be here.
I’m an optimist. I see the hard things in life, but I choose to focus on the good. When we focus on gratitude, the things we can control, and the goodness that happens every day in our lives, we attract more good things.
Treat each day as an opportunity to heal
Too many people get wrapped up in the humdrum of life, stuck in old beliefs passed down from generations before, or beliefs that we created ourselves.
What if we took time each day to heal these emotional wounds? Healing takes time, but when we focus energy on it, we can free ourselves of the burdens placed on us, and that we’ve been carrying for a long time.
For me, the promise of a new day inspires me because of Jesus Christ. Having gone through poverty, abuse, and hunger, I looked to the sun everyday in excitement because of Him. Healing didn’t come instantly, but it came. And with each new day, I began to thrive.
This talk has really inspired me to find purpose and joy in my life because of Jesus Christ:
Visualize your life with the hope of ka lā hiki ola
It’s easy to think that this Hawaiian saying won’t do any good. Besides, we all know that each day is brand new. But would it change your perspective if we said that each day is a brand new opportunity for more happiness? Or more peace? Or more abundance? How does that change things?
Take the time to visualize your “brand new day,” and get excited for it! We only have one shot at this life so let’s take advantage of the time we have here.
Ka lā hiki ola. Each day is brand new. Every day is beautiful, inspiring, and exciting. It promises possibilities, a thriving life, and more.
So let’s go live!
With joy and aloha,
Leialoha
A similar value to ka lā hiki ola is ho’ohana, which is the value of doing meaningful work. Ho’ohana helps us find purpose in our everyday lives. After reading through this, consider reviewing ho’ohana to help you look forward to each new day, in addition to the value of ka lā hiki ola.
Let’s hear from you!
What helps you look forward to each new day of life? Let me know in the comments below!
The Hawaiian word ho’omaluhia means to have peace or to be peaceful. Here is how to gain the peace you need right now.
This is one of my favorite Hawaiian words because the way it sounds is just as beautiful as the meaning. Ho’omaluhia encourages us to live in a way that, no matter what challenges come our way, we feel at peace. We feel a sense of calm. Personal preparation and confidence have helped us attain this peace and serenity in our lives.
“Ho’o” means – to do or to be
“Maluhia” means – peace, calm, tranquility, security, and safety.
Therefore ho’omaluhia is being secure—in ourselves, our beliefs, our relationships, and even sometimes our circumstances. Ho’omaluhia is feeling peace with who we are. We can feel safe with ourselves, no matter what storms of life come our way.
Learn ho’omaluhia from Hawaii’s many storms
While Hawaii is beautiful most of the time, it does have an occasional storm here or there.
Sometimes the most beautiful days turn into huge storms. Living in Hilo taught me to always carry an umbrella. Even if there was no cloud in sight, the day was bound to have some rainfall.
When I was a teenager, I remember a big typhoon coming our way.
It was going to be a really big one.
Since my family was poor, we lived in an unfinished house (no running water, no electricity–just a skeleton house), my brothers nailed up extra plyboards over the windows. It felt kind of silly, since the house wasn’t even done yet, but, like I said, this was going to be a huge typhoon, and we needed to be ready.
So we sealed up the house and camped inside. The typhoon came with some wind and rain, but it didn’t feel too different from any of Hilo’s other, more common (and sometimes more violent), rainstorms.
Personal preparedness brings peace of mind – the essence of ho’omaluhia
Even though the typhoon wasn’t as huge or dramatic as we expected, we still had a peace of mind knowing that the house was boarded up. Should any huge gusts of wind or rain press against the windows, they’d stay intact.
Like the boards we put up to protect ourselves from the elements, we can have peace in our lives by being prepared for challenges.
That’s not to say we’ll always know what’s ahead of us, but if we have a system in place to protect us, we can have peace even in the craziest storms of life.
For some, preparation comes in the form of setting personal boundaries with family members, friends, activities, and even one’s self. For others, preparation comes in the form of having a relationship with God, others, and one’s self.
How can we best prepare?
Ho’omaluhia is an attitude that helps us prepare for any situation. It’s knowing who we are and being ok with that, even accepting the hard stuff, in order to have peace. Ho’omaluhia is understanding that things aren’t perfect, but when we trust in God and know who we truly are, we’ll be ok.
Here are some of the key ways to implement ho’omaluhia in your life.
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Ho’omaluhia through Christ
The scriptures repeatedly tell us we can find peace in Christ. Why? Because he’s already triumphed over death and hell for us. We don’t have to struggle by ourselves, because he feels our pain, and he can comfort us.
No matter how low we feel, or how dark times may be, we can find light and love by turning to the Savior of the world. He provides the ultimate and lasting peace we need to survive and thrive in this life.
Reading scriptures helps me understand who he is. Praying to God helps me feel loved and worthy. These small acts can help us find peace in Christ. I really like this song about finding peace in Christ!
When we’re in the middle of a big drama or dark life experience, it may seem impossible to feel peace. But ho’omaluhia is all about action. Is there a place you just love and find peace in? Maybe it’s a warm, sandy beach, or a fresh spot in the mountains. Maybe you find peace when you’re in the comfort and coziness of your own home.
If you don’t have access to your favorite spot, try visualizing it and/or using YouTube videos to help. There are a lot of YouTube videos of scenic places with ambience.
In that special place that you feel peace and quiet, let your mind visualize the good in your life. Ask yourself:
What things are going well?
What’s not going so well?
What can I control?
What can I let go of?
Then take a moment to write your answers in a journal or notebook. Make notes of how you can better handle situations. Making decisions ahead of time helps us be better prepared to handle uncomfortable or painful circumstances with grace and aloha.
Set personal boundaries
Life hands us so many things to fill our time and distract us from what matters most: relationships, self improvement, learning, etc.
Setting personal boundaries helps us live ho’omaluhia. It helps us pre-determine where and what we will spend our time on. Instead of feeling anxious about upcoming circumstances, disappointed about things not getting done, etc, set boundaries on the things that cause stress, anxiety, and sadness.
For example, if spending too much time with certain people stresses you out, then maybe it’s time to consider your relationships. Which ones drain you? Which ones draw you away from the feelings of peace, ho’omaluhia?
Ask yourself this question with other areas of your life, like physical health, hobbies, social media usage, etc.
Setting boundaries frees you from things that draw away from ho’omaluhia.
Know who you are and be OK with it
Do you know who you are—who you really are? It’s easy to let the storms of life whirl us around when we don’t really know ourselves. The nice thing is, we don’t have to know ourselves perfectly in order to have peace. We just have to know who we are to God.
As sons and daughters of God, we have the power within us to choose. We can choose the good in our lives.
We are royalty. We were destined for greatness. When you look at who you are to God, it provides peace.
In a world that grows louder and louder, it can be difficult to find tranquility. However, with the Hawaiian value of ho’omaluhia, we can create the peace. When we are at peace with ourselves, we allow more aloha to flow into our lives.
We create paradise right where we are.
With joy and aloha,
Leialoha
Your turn!
How do you implement the value of ho’omaluhia in your life? Share your thoughts in the comments below!
“Pa’a ka waha” is the Hawaiian saying that literally translates to “close the mouth.” A lot of kupuna, adults, and teachers said this when I was growing up in the islands. It meant that you were talking too much, and you needed to listen.
Listening is a lost art form, but it doesn’t have to be, especially when we learn the simple technique of closing our mouths. Pa’a ka waha almost always guarantees a stronger relationship. People love to feel seen, validated, and recognized. When we listen with love, we provide the goodness and aloha that this world desperately needs.
Listen… because the more people you meet, the more aloha is shared
On average, a person might meet around 80,000 people in their lifetime. Of the many people you’ve met so far, can you think of any that have listened deeply to you? And I mean, truly, sincerely, genuinely, from the bottom of their hearts, listened to you?
I can count 5 people who listened like this… and their biggest secret, in my opinion, was that they kept their mouth closed. They sincerely sought to understand what I was saying, not just decipher the words. They wanted to know the true meaning behind the words.
Based on their understanding, they asked questions and continued to listen. Pa’a ka waha: No interruptions. Not even an autobiography of “something like that happened to me.” They listened with all sincerity of heart.
How often do we listen like this for others?
Pa’a ka waha encourages us to truly listen. Here are some ways we can learn to be better listeners.
Pa’a ka waha is staying present – in the moment
We’ve heard this probably a million times: keep present, be mindful, stay focused. Pa’a ka waha encourages this too! It’s hard to understand someone’s situation and feelings if we don’t focus on them, stay present, and remove the distractions of our phone, earbuds, tvs, and so forth.
When we stay in the moment, we begin to see others as God sees them, and their situations become clearer to us. Answers and resolutions don’t always come automatically, but just listening to others can help them heal, see things clearly, and even move on. Sometimes (most times) the very act of listening helps other people solve their own problems.
So let’s put down those phones, take out the pods, and make time to look others in the eye, listening with true intent.
Listen to how God speaks to you
God has a special way of speaking, through the Spirit, to each person on the earth. How does he speak to you? For most people, it’s a prompting, a warm feeling, or a quiet voice. When was the last time you felt or heard the Spirit?
When we learn how God speaks to us, it helps us know what questions to ask others. Because the truth is… God can inspire us to help others. He can whisper the very questions we need to ask, and when the moment is right. Sometimes people open their mouths too soon, and they ruin the conversation. But when we feel in alignment with God, knowing already how he speaks to us, we can facilitate a beautiful, open conversation of aloha and understanding.
Pa’a ka waha is listening to yourself
How often do we cut our own thoughts short by “being busy?” Meditation, pondering, or quiet time can really help when it comes to listening to ourselves. It’s like closing our mouths to ourselves allowing our mind and heart to listen to US. When we learn how to listen to ourself, we better learn how to serve and listen to others.
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Remove distractions
As I mentioned before, putting away distractions like our phones, tvs, etc can help us pa’a ka waha and listen much better. Another way to practice mindful listening is getting outside. Remove the distractions. Being in nature is one of the best ways to become a better listener. Listening to the sound of waves lapping on the sand, the swaying of palm trees in the breeze, or even the hum of a waterfall helps us quiet our minds and listen to our hearts. What is really going on in our hearts? Do we truly have the desire to do and be better—then how?
Ask for help to care
I know a lot of people who straight up just don’t care. I know it sounds awful to say this, but some people just don’t care to listen to others, preferring to talk only of themselves. They don’t care what other people are saying and only think of what themselves. We can give these people grace and make our own commitment to listen better.
Sometimes it’s difficult and sometimes uncomfortable to listen when you’re not used to it. Maybe you’ve always been the talker or the center of attention, where everyone listens to you…
But first give yourself credit for even acknowledging that you need improvement in the area of listening.
Secondly, ask for help to care and have aloha for others. Sometimes we just need to pray and ask God for help: help to see others as he does, help to care about their feelings, help to understand. There’s hope for everyone, so know that there’s no better time to start practicing listening and the art of pa’a ka waha than now.
Pa’a ka waha takes practice
Let others know that you’re trying to be a better listener, and be willing to take their advice when they offer it. Learning to close your mouth and listen isn’t easy, especially at first, but it’s totally worth it. You can do it.
Pa’a ka waha is a selfless act of love. It’s exercising true aloha by putting other peoples’ needs before your own. It’s so easy to forget that listening is an art, but when we master it, we bless our lives and others for good!
Pono is the Hawaiian word meaning to be righteous, balanced, good, correct, and moral. It encourages excellence, prosperity, and a sense of duty.
Pono may seem like an outdated idea to many, especially in the way it encourages moral and righteous behavior.
But in a world where religion is mocked and morality has all but disappeared, the value of pono has never been more important.
When we live the value of pono, we live a balanced life: with nature, God, ourselves, and others. Our life is filled with ho’omaluhia, peace, because our actions are in alignment with who God needs us to be. A sense of calm overcomes us because that alignment feels well with our na’au, our gut feelings.
Being pono means standing up for the right, even when unpopular or mocked. It’s not easy to stand for truth, especially when we’re alone. But the value of pono encourages us to do so.
Being pono means putting trust in God before man, knowing that righteousness will always have its reward.
How do we further implement the value of pono in our lives?
Learning Pono from Koa Trees
In the high mountains of Hawaii stand forests of beautiful koa trees. Koa trees were so important to ancient Hawaiians, as their sturdy and thick wood were perfect to make strong canoes.
The koa trees known for strength and resilience, hold ground against the elements. They live in difficult conditions, where the high elevation makes it cold, and the humid wind sends a chilly breeze through the forest. They take about 80 years to reach their full potential, but as they grow, they are ever strong.
I had the opportunity to plant koa trees when I joined a high school club. Our club did backbreaking work to plant koa trees in the forests of Mauna Loa. We held a huge pack of koa seedlings on our backs, and an o’o stick in the other hand.
Our instructor told us that most of these seedlings would not make it through the conditions of the environment. But many of them would.
I always thought about this. Pono is much like the strength of the koa trees. It isn’t easy to stand strong and tall against the elements. Likewise, it isn’t easy to stand firm when people question our beliefs and efforts to be moral.
Pono is based on our personal convictions to do good, and elevate all of the human ‘ohana
Planting the koa trees reminded me of my high school life. I was the girl who didn’t swear. I really wanted to be right with God, and since he commanded—as far back as the 10 commandments—that we not take the Lord’s name in vain, I made my decision not to swear. Ever.
I became known as the “goody-good” girl in high school, and classmates would question my decision. Nobody seemed to judge me for it. I felt so strongly about my convictions that my classmates didn’t blink an eye about it. They didn’t follow example–though an effort was always made to stop people from swearing around me. But they did recognize it as a part of a bigger duty and respect to God that I held in my heart. In fact, when we graduated, the valedictorian mentioned me in her talk, saying that if anyone felt lost and needed direction, they could turn to me.
It was shocking. And self-revealing. I don’t share this story to boast. I share this story because being pono is the right thing to do. Even when it’s not popular, when everyone else around us seems to do the opposite thing, when society and communities say that morality is out of style.
Choosing to be pono matters. When we make a conscious decision of how we’ll live pono, we dig our roots deep into the ground and stand strong and tall, just like the koa trees.
How else can we live pono?
Create a relationship with God
Being pono stems from having a relationship with God. If you don’t know who he is or what he commands, how can we be righteous? How can we be right with him?
You can start having a relationship with God right now: through prayer, reading his word, and attending his church. You don’t have to do anything special or make a dramatic life change to have a relationship with God, just start where you are.
Make a decision ahead of time
What kind of person do you want to be? What do you want to be remembered as? When you start with the end in mind, it’s much easier to live a pono life. If you can visualize the kind of person you want to be, how would that change and reshape the way you live now?
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Live Balanced
Living balanced seems like a hard concept to grasp, but it can be made simple. Here is an example I like to use to explain balance: when someone litters the earth, that action throws things off balanced–for nature and the earth. When someone picks and properly disposes of the litter, it restores balance.
The same principle applies to our relationships with God, others, and ourselves. When we have a pilikia (trouble) with someone else, the mana (energy, spiritual relationship) is thrown off balance. We restore the balance in the relationship through ho’oponopono (making things right, correction).
If we want to live the value of pono, we would be wise to take a moment to ask ourselves these questions:
Is my relationship with God balanced?
How is my relationship with others (or enter name here)? Am I doing too little or too much of something?
Is my relationship with myself balanced?
Sometimes we get into the habit of doing too much or too little of one thing–too much social life, too little connections, too much exercise, too little exercise, etc.
When we take the time to look at our life and ask, “Is my life pono–is it balanced?” we can feel what we should improve on. If we’re struggling to know what needs improvement, we can always ask God.
A pono life is a blessed life
The Hawaiian value of pono has deeply blessed my life. Even though I’ve sometimes stood alone in my beliefs and morals, I feel right with God. That’s one of the greatest blessings I could ever feel in this life. Being pono has helped me to feel right with God, and I know it can do the same for you as well. If you’d like to learn more about how to build your relationship with God, check out this wonderful source from my church!
The Hawaiian word ‘ohana means family. The word is familiar to most people but seemed to be made popular by Disney’s “Lilo & Stitch,” where the characters quote, “‘Ohana means family. Family means no one gets left behind.”
This is indeed true of families, but there is a deeper meaning to the word and spirit of ‘ohana. It’s more than just inclusion or not being forgotten. It’s about fostering loving and lasting relationships with those of our blood-relatives, as well as our brothers and sisters in the human family.
The Polynesian culture deeply values ‘ohana, and family ties are more important than anything else—more important than money, than fame, than material things. A brother would sacrifice anything for a brother, a parent for a child, a sister for a sister… Family ties are so important.
Generations before are also deeply important. We find our sense of place by knowing who our ancestors were, and what they sacrificed for us.
So how do we implement the value of ‘ohana into our lives? What if we come from broken families, or if we’ve never felt the ties to loved ones?
Queen Lili’uokalani’s ‘Ohana
Those who have studied the life of Hawaii’s last monarch, Queen Lili’uokalani know that she was a hanai, adopted, daughter to Abner Paki and Laura Konia. In her own bibliography, the queen notes how this was the common practice of ancient Hawaii.
It was a custom that the firstborn in the family went to one of the parent’s siblings. This may seem odd to western culture, and the queen acknowledges this.
Why would anyone give their firstborn to a sibling to raise? we wonder.
It was the concept of ‘ohana… that we are all connected, and sharing families helps avoid pilikia, trouble or offense. It requires trust and confidence in your family to give your firstborn to a sibling.
If it was so important to the ancient Hawaiians to give their firstborn children to another for care, what does that mean for us today?
‘Ohana connects us, no matter what
Certainly, none of us are expected to give our firstborn children to a sibling!
But what if, instead of giving up a firstborn child, we give more love and friendship to our families?
If we granted them a little more trust or, at least, the benefit of the doubt, would that change the dynamic?
Would things change if we loved and had confidence in our families enough to support them? What if we forgave them willingly and openly?
The spirit of ‘ohana is that we are deeply connected: by our heritage, our shared blood, and our family ties. We came to this earth at this time, together, and we can be together even after this life.
The spirit of ‘ohana is that we support our blood ‘ohana as well as those not related to us. After all, we are all God’s children so every person we pass is a brother and sister. So we do well to one another, love one another, and care for one another—physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.
How else can we live the spirit of ‘ohana?
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Reach out to ‘ohana
It seems to me that most families are not very open with one another. As the world advances in technology and resources, people grow further and further apart.
Take the time to reach out to your family members. Let them know you’re there. Even if you don’t agree on things, such as religion, politics, finances, etc do what you can to preserve the relationship. You’ll find that deep relationships, where differences are discussed in a mature and meaningful way, can last forever. And you might find that you have more in common than you realized.
Seek understanding
We all come from families of every shape and size, and it’s important to seek understanding in each interaction. Families mold the way we see the world, and it’s important to understand, for yourself and others, how families have shaped us. Most times we seek understanding by being better listeners. Read more about how to do that here:
Some of us come from families where abuse, in all its degrading forms, was common in the home. Have the courage to recognize the abuse, then make a decision to break the cycle. Many cycles of abuse are generational, meaning they pass from one generation to another.
It’s usually caused by the beliefs of ‘ohana members past, and their beliefs do not need to be yours. Notice your thoughts and feelings towards other and your family, and make the commitment to break any cycles that have repeated itself in your family.
For those coming from broken families
One of the hardest things for me in moving to the mainland was the constant stereotype that Polynesian families are strong and close. Most Polynesian families have strong ties and healthy relationships, but not all.
When my parents got divorced, I felt estranged from my dad and his family. I felt disenchanted by my grandparents, who had played such little roles in my life. So when people on the mainland assumed that, because I was Hawaiian, my family was strongly knit together, it hurt.
No family is perfect, but I did crave the strong bonds I saw in other families. It made my heart happy to see siblings that cheered one another on, and parents who genuinely listened and supported their kids.
Take heart 💙
So if you come from a broken family, take heart. You can still value ‘ohana and keep the spirit of it in your life.
The spirit of ‘ohana is that every person is a part of the family, and every person has something they can contribute.
I believe that God compensates for the things we lack. For example, I never really had a strong emotional bond with either of my parents. Their way of coping with things was to stuff it down. Later in life, I met amazing women who were mother figures in my life. I never quite had a father figure, so I turned to God for that, because he is the father of our spirits, and he is perfect. Take hope, knowing that God compensates for the lack in your life.
There is hope for a better ‘ohana for everyone in this world. My hope came when I got married, knowing that I was starting my own ‘ohana. My hope came in knowing that I’m the one breaking the cycle of abuse so that generations after me will always have reason to hope.
So hold onto that hope, no matter what your ‘ohana looks like right now. And remember, you are a part of one big ‘ohana too!
With joy and aloha,
Leialoha
P.S. If you’re new here, check out my free mini course, 5 Hawaiian Days to Wellness, complete with Hawaiian values, challenges, and encouragement!
Mālama is the Hawaiian word “to care for and protect.” You’ll commonly hear the word mālama associated with the phrase, “Mālama ka ‘aina,” meaning to take care of the land.
Hawaiians, to this day, love, preserve, and protect the land. It is the source of our living. If we take care of it, it will take care of us.
The word mālama can be used in other ways too. If you’re in Hawaii and are saying goodbye to someone, they might tell you, “Mālama pono” meaning to “watch out” or “be careful.”
Another common phrase is “Mālama Honua” which means to take care of the earth. When we protect the planet, we keep it well for future generations.
Mālama can also mean tending to others. Those who live the value of mālama have a bigger perspective. They see that every person suffers from something and needs nurturing and love. These attributes may come naturally to some of us, but, for others, these are skills that take time and practice to develop.
When we mālama, see the needs of others, the world, and ourselves, and we respond responsibly.
Like many of the other Hawaiian values, we can implement the value of mālama in our lives through service, protecting, and nurturing. An interesting thing about mālama is that when we care for others, we actually provide healing for ourselves too.
It’s an interesting paradox, but makes sense. After all, Christ said that “…whosoever will save his life shall lose it: but whosoever will lose his life for my sake, the same shall save it” (Luke 9:24).
When we actively seek opportunities to care for others, we find ourselves, as well as purpose and meaning in our lives.
Here are other ways to live the value of mālama.
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Mālama is Selfless Service
When I was about 16 years old, I remember being hungry a lot because we lived in poverty. For many nights, mom put random things together for dinner. She stretched out the budget by making things homemade, and we usually ate every last crumb of our meals.
We were faithful church members and made friendships with a lot of people there. One of the friendships was with full filipino aunty Fabi, who just married full Mexican Uncle Al. They invited us to their house and whenever they did, there was guaranteed to be a lot of food.
Uncle Al made delicious, authentic Mexican food, and Aunty Fabi made mouth-watering, authentic Filipino food. Both were expert cooks.
“You eat like birds,” Uncle Al teased when our stomachs filled up fast at his house. There were five of us, but we barely made a dent to the tray of enchiladas. Our stomachs were small.
Uncle Al and Aunt Fabi exemplified mālama to me. They served and cared for us, when our own parents couldn’t do that for us: Emotionally, Uncle Al would crack jokes to make us laugh; Physically, they both fed us; and mentally, they genuinely asked about our school activities and whereabouts.
Mālama gives all… there’s no holding back.
One day, my older sister complained there was no food in the house. She was the most vocal of the siblings, brave enough to argue back with dad. I think God sent angels to help us because several hours later, Uncle Al showed up with a huge tray of enchiladas.
Mālama. Care. Tend. Protect. Preserve. Uncle Al and Aunt Fabi probably had no idea what a difference they made… they were just doing their best to care for others. When we live with an attitude of mālama, we can spread aloha in so many ways… ways that we didn’t even know were possible.
Honor yourself and others
Mālama means to take care of yourself too. If you don’t take care of your emotional, physical, and spiritual needs, it is difficult to serve others. Honor your personal dignity by trying self care activities and refueling your spirit.
You honor others when you seek self improvement and try to become your best self.
Mālama ka ‘aina
Take care of the land. As I said earlier, when you take care of the land, it takes care of you. In the Hawaiian saying, “Nana i ke kumu” we learn to look to the land as a source of knowledge, inspiration, and physical nourishment.
When we care for and respect the land and its creatures, it does the same for us. It teaches us valuable life lessons and provides peace.
I have learned many things from observing God’s creations, especially the sea turtles in Hilo. During a trying time in my life, I sat at the beach every morning, watching the sea turtles swim in from the ocean. Their gracious presence, wise eyes, and kind spirits taught me a lot of life lessons.
From interacting with and caring for God’s creations, I felt nurtured and refreshed in return.
If you want to support wildlife conservation efforts, I highly encourage you to check out Fahlo. When you buy a bracelet from Fahlo, you support a wildlife conservation cause (depending on which animal bracelet you get!) and then receive your very own animal to track! I absolutely love my turtle bracelets, which reminds me to malama the earth. 🙂
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Mālama inspires us to protect the innocent
There are a lot of terrible things going on in the world today, whether we want to turn a blind eye to it or not: human trafficking, racism, abortion, abuse, poverty, starvation, etc.
We can’t do everything for everyone, but we can support causes we feel passionately about, whether that’s through raising awareness, educating ourselves, or volunteering time, money, or resources.
When we protect the innocent, we honor the value of human life. We live a pono life, restoring balance in the world.
Watch this video to learn more about why we should fight against abortion: 2,363
Also please consider donating to help end child trafficking: O.U.R.
Mālama is loving aloha
Mālama is an inspiring Hawaiian value that, when practiced, can bring a lot of joy. I’m sure Uncle Al and Aunt Fabi found joy in serving our family. Their food, made with love, brought us joy too.
Can you imagine what the world would be like if we all cared for one another a little more? If we served a little more? It doesn’t even have to be huge. Even just having a lighthearted conversation with a cashier, a smile to a stranger, or a quiet service to a family member can foster the value of mālama in our homes and lives.
When we learn to mālama, we invite the constant flow of aloha, love, into our lives, thereby creating paradise right where we are.
With aloha,
Leialoha
If you want to bring more aloha into your home, check out my free ebook: Bringing Aloha Home
It’s your turn!
If you have any other ideas on how to implement the value of mālama, let me know in the comments below! 🙂
Ha’aha’a is the Hawaiian word for “humility or humble.” When we live the value of ha’aha’a, we learn to come from a place of love, understanding that things won’t always work out or be perfect. And that’s OK.
The attitude of ha’aha’a is being meek, unpretentious, and modest.
Those who live ha’aha’a sincerely rejoice in the goodness and success of others and themselves.
They don’t raise themselves above others on any basis, whether that be wealth, class, race, ethnicity, etc.
It’s difficult to live the value of ha’aha’a, as we live in a society that tells us we deserve everything we see in ads and marketing, or when we compare ourselves to the “perfect” lives we see on social media.
However, when we choose to live the value of ha’aha’a, we become a magnet of goodness. We emit the love and compassion of Christ. People are drawn to us because they feel and know the sincerity of our hearts.
People can trust us, because those who live ha’aha’a withhold judgment, and, instead, show forth love and understanding.
They come from a place of aloha, love, instead of fear.
The opposite of ha’aha’a
It might be easier to understand how to live the value of ha’aha’a by explaining its opposite.
Ever since I was a preteen, I felt the strain of want. I wanted nice clothes, not the hand-me-downs from my sister, I wanted to have beautiful hair, nice shoes, but mostly just new, stylish clothes. We were terribly poor by the time we moved to Hawaii, so I could never get what I wanted.
Every now and then my mom would take us to Old Navy for some new clothes, but we’d get the least-expensive, most basic shirts and a few pairs of shorts that could last me a couple of years. I always felt so out of style, envious of the girls who had nice clothes and dresses.
When I got to college and worked some jobs, I got a couple of new clothes. And I had a realization… something we all hear but never realize until it hits us in the face.
Money can’t buy happiness.
Ha’aha’a is being happy where you are, and happy for others… at the same time
I got new clothes, but I still wasn’t happy. I still wanted more. But I couldn’t afford more.
It was then I realized that being happy doesn’t come from owning more things. Happiness comes from a humble heart. It comes from just being happy for others.
No, I couldn’t afford all the nice things and I’ve certainly never been the most stylish person.
But I can just be happy where I’m at. Ha’aha’a. Humility.
We can envy things that other people have, focusing on their abundance and our lack… or we can focus on what we do have.
For me, I had a lot of skills, kindness, and the ability to work hard. And that was enough.
Ha’aha’a is being grateful for what we do have, instead of looking at the lack. It goes hand in hand with mahalo.
How else can we implement the value of ha’aha’a?
Ha’aha’a is being willing to learn
A person who is humble is also willing to learn from others. As with the value of ‘ike loa, a person who lives ha’aha’a is childlike. They’re full of wonder, willing to learn and gain knowledge.
They listen when others speak, and feel when it’s appropriate to speak themselves. They love to contribute, even if they don’t always know what to do. They’re just willing to help.
Ha’aha’ looks for the good
A person living ha’aha’a looks for the good in others. They don’t boast of their own accomplishments, but genuinely compliment and bring out the best in others.
Ha’aha’a thirsts after knowledge
The humble person studies diligently, knowing that there’s always something more they can learn. They ponder topics that interest them, and seek God’s help for inspiration and further learning.
Becoming humble isn’t an easy task. It requires so much concentration, and truly listening to our own thoughts. When we recognize that sometimes we judge or criticize others, or claim that we can “do it better,” we’re taking away the opportunity to serve and rejoice with others.
Let us become a more humble people. As we do so, more unity (lokahi), and joy will come into our lives and communities.
With aloha and joy,
Leialoha
Let’s hear from you!
In the comments below, I’d love to hear how you implement the value of ha’aha’a!
If you’d like to learn more about the Hawaiian values and how to apply them into your life, check out my 5 Hawaiian Days to Wellness mini course. It’s free and gets straight to your inbox! 🙂
E komo mai! 🌺 I am the author of Aloha State of Mind, a self help book that teaches you how to create paradise wherever you are. My blog, Naturally Aloha, focuses on all things Hawaii: culture, values, food, lifestyle, and more. I hope my writing inspires you to carry aloha with you everywhere! Learn more…
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