Ho’omau means to endure with diligence. It is the action of doing and being good, even when things are hard. Ho’omau is patience through challenges, and having a positive attitude, even in the bleakest conditions.
“Ho’o” means – to do, or to be
“Mau” means – Steady, constant, ever. It connotes the feeling of eternity, that things continue:
Persevere.
Endure.
Last.
Therefore, ho’omau is more than just the ability to endure… it is the belief that life goes on forever.
The trials and challenges we face are events in life, not life itself.
Because they don’t last forever, we can face them with positivity and strength.
*A similar Hawaiian value, Ho’omanawanui means to “bear for a season,” encouraging us to be patient in our trials. Ho’omau and Ho’omanawanui share similarities, but ho’omau reminds us that trials don’t last forever, and ho’omanawanui helps us be optimistic and patient through them.
Just Keep Swimming
I’ve never been a good surfer. In fact, I didn’t learn how to surf until I was 13 years old, when my Filipino grandpa took us to White Plains beach on Oahu.
I enjoyed surfing, but I was not very good at it, and whenever we got home, I’d find bruises all over my body from my bones hitting the board when I paddled out to sea.
One time, however, my sister and I separated from our family to surf by ourselves.
Being amateur surfers, we went pretty far out. If we didn’t go so far into the ocean, other people could get hurt if we couldn’t stop or turn our boards while catching a wave.
After a while, however, we began to drift. Before we knew it, we drifted quickly.
It was the current.
The current pulled us away from the surf zone, away from the swimming zone, and away from shore.
Grandpa swam out to us, told us to keep paddling towards shore, but to stay in the direction of the current.
Feeling Stuck…
It felt like hours that we paddled. My arm muscles ached from paddling, and my bones felt like they would shatter from hitting the board. I remember seeing my mom standing on the shoreline, watching with concern. She was so small and so far away.
It felt like we were getting nowhere.
The sky darkened and the waves got bigger the farther away we went. But we kept paddling. At some points, I got off my board and swam with it, because my body hurt so much.
Finally, grandpa stood up on a coral reef.
“We can walk back to shore,” he said. When I stood on the reef, my legs were noodles. It took all my energy to walk to the sandy shore.
My feet had cuts on them by the time we sat on the sand. I looked at my sister, both of us pale with exhaustion.
Grandpa let us rest for a few minutes, but he said we needed to keep going, because the family would be worried. We helped each other carry the longboards, but we had drifted so far off, that it took forever to walk back to the original surf spot.
By the time we reached the rest of the family, my body was done. I laid on the sand and rested, not even caring about the cuts in my feet.
The Currents in Life
Like the current in this story, challenges and trials can come unexpectedly in our lives.
Sometimes we don’t even notice them, but when we do, they exhaust us, threaten to drown us, to pull us further away from safety and relaxation.
So what do we do? We ho’omau. Keep swimming.
These events don’t last forever.
I knew I wouldn’t be stuck out in the sea forever.
If I just kept going, following the current until I reached shore, it would be over.
This is the attitude of ho’omau.
Life is difficult and uncomfortable. People, experiences, and situations can push us past our limits, but when we keep swimming, we can do it.
It would have been easy for me to give up hope and just sink beneath the ocean.
But I knew we’d make it. I didn’t know exactly when, but I knew relief would come. And it did.
Relief does come. Sometimes it doesn’t come as quickly as we’d like it to, but, with God, the peace does come.
Here are some additional ways to help you implement the value of ho’omau in your life.
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Give yourself permission to accept that things are hard
Perhaps you know “that” person who says they’re ok, even when they’re not.
I was totally that person—and sometimes I still am.
Ho’omau isn’t just gritting your teeth and getting through—although, sometimes you really do need to survive—but ho’omau recognizes that things ARE hard.
Ho’omau is truly valuing the situation and accepting that life challenges hurt. They’re uncomfortable, and difficult.
When you give yourself permission to accept that things are hard, you give yourself permission to heal, to cope, and to keep going.
You also give yourself credit for what you’re doing. We can “keep swimming” all our lives, feeling like we’re going to drown at any minute, but if we don’t give ourselves credit for how far we’ve come, we’ll never truly appreciate ourselves.
Ho’omau. Keep going. Persevere. Be steady. You can do all these things better by giving yourself the credit you deserve.
Create safe ground
Turmoil in life is unavoidable, but we can prepare for it by creating safe ground. We can better endure by having something to stand on, just as I had the coral reef to walk to safety.
Is there something or someone that you can turn to for peace, respite, and relief? For me, the answer is Jesus Christ. He is a solid foundation to provide the comfort I need in times of turmoil.
When people and systems fail, when I feel low and depressed, I turn to Christ. He is constant.
Ho’omau is the act of being constant, so how can we be more constant? For me it’s turning to someone who is constant.
Create your safe ground by turning to the source of peace and relief.
Keep hope
Even when you feel in your darkest place, ho’omau. You can do it. I am rooting you on, sending good vibes and cheer, and God is always cheering you on. Trust him, turn to the Savior, and enduring to the end becomes a little easier.
E ho’omau!
Leialoha
How do you ho’omau through your trials?
In the comments below, I’d love to hear your thoughts!
‘Ike Loa means to “see much,” encouraging us to keep learning and seek knowledge. Living the value of ‘ike loa means that we are lifelong learners. No matter the age, we can delight in learning new things.
“‘Ike” – means to see, view, perceive, and experience.
“Loa” – is the word for plentiful, abundance, and very much.
Therefore ‘ike loa is to see many things—to experience, learn, delight in, and love life as it happens.
‘Ike loa reminds me of a person who is childlike, not childish.
The childish want to stay young forever. The childlike are happy to grow older, mature, and embrace the change. The childish think they know enough, while the childlike love learning and expanding their understanding.
When you live the value of ‘ike loa, you are childlike: full of wonder, thirsty for knowledge, and seeking the abundance the world has to offer.
‘Imi Ola is the value of seeking life in it’s highest form. These two values sound similar, however, ‘imi ola encourages us to seek our best lives (creating our purpose, expanding our skills, etc) whereas ‘ike loa encourages us to “see much” our entire lives, by committing to be a lifelong learner, childlike, and view all experiences as opportunities to grow.
“Listen to your Kupuna”
Growing up in Hawaii, this was the old adage people would say at every gathering, family party, or community event. “Listen to your kupuna,” meant to listen to the older folks, those who had lived to a ripe old age and had seen, heard, and experienced more than the rest of us.
This always bothered me though, especially because most of the kupuna, the old folks, in my life had offered poor advice. Not all of them had poor advice, but most of them acted as the know-it-alls and had one-or-none approaches to things.
Regardless of my personal feelings, I always listened, out of respect and with the knowledge that they had grown up in a completely different time from myself. Their experiences, culture, traditions, and beliefs were different from my own.
And that’s ok. ‘Ike loa isn’t about listening to everything and obeying everything.
It’s about being willing to understand and withhold judgment.
‘Ike Loa is about still learning, even as you get old.
I remember talking to a kupuna and sharing with her some of my own views, especially in becoming a creative entrepreneur, making money and inspiring others through writing books and a blog.
With disgust, she shut them down, chastising me for even thinking this a possibility.
To her, women couldn’t survive having their own careers or side businesses. They couldn’t write or speak their mind. She asked, “How could a woman possibly make money being creative?”
Ouch!
But I withheld judgment, knowing that she had grown up in a different time from myself.
I learned a valuable lesson from that old, cynical woman: As I grow in years, I want to always be seeking knowledge and truth.
I love seeing old people who pick up new talents and hobbies in their later years, or those who start a business after retiring. Why not have a whole third act in life’s journey?
Today’s culture seems to mock all of us–both young and old–saying things like, “She’s too old to find true love” or “It’s too late for him to start a business now” or “It’s just never going to happen for me.” In a world that devours “30 before 30” or “Forbes Under 40” lists, it’s SO important to remember the value of ‘ike loa.
‘Ike loa is a lifelong journey of learning. It never stops. That doesn’t mean you have to read and study vigorously everyday, but ‘ike loa is the attitude that one always has more to learn. Improvement and knowledge never end in this life.
Here are more ways to live the value of ‘ike loa.
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Try new things
I fear that many of us are stuck in routines and careers that aren’t fulfilling.
One way to create the life you want is to try new things.
If I had to name all the things I’ve done and tried before figuring out I wanted to be a writer, you’d laugh. There were so many things!
But I’m so grateful I tried new things, because all of it led me to what I want to do: write + spread aloha.
Trying new things also helped me discover what I don’t want to do, and I created ways to do something I’m totally passionate about. I know the same can happen for you!
Keep learning
If there’s something you always wanted to learn, be open to the wonder of it.
Over the last couple of years, people have created amazing online courses, with hundreds of topics and ideas. With technology and social media you really can create the life you want. As Shakespeare said, “The world is your oyster.”
Our life is what WE make out of it. If we want it to be amazing, then we need to do amazing things!
If we want it to be adventurous, then we need to do adventurous things!
As we keep learning throughout life, we gain perspective which gives us clarity on what our mission in life is, but it also helps others on their journey.
Remember the abundance mindset
In our day and culture, it’s easy to get complacent, lazy, and apathetic.
It’s easy to think that since someone else is already doing that thing you want to do, there’s no room for me.
‘Ike loa is all about the abundance mindset.
It’s knowing that there are limitless possibilities and opportunities. And there is certainly room for everyone!
I hope you learned a little more about the value of ‘ike loa. I have felt so blessed to implement this in my life. I’ve truly enjoyed learning and being full of wonder.
It’s given me a zest for life, and I know it can do the same for you!
With aloha and joy,
Leialoha
Let’s hear from you!
How will you implement the value of ‘ike loa in your life? Let us know in the comments!
‘Imi Ola means to seek life, encouraging us to search for the best we can do in our life’s journey.
‘Imi literally means – search, seek, look, even hunt
Ola means – life, health, wellbeing, living
‘Imi ola means that we search for the best life we can create.
Using our skills, knowledge, and talents, we create the lifestyle we desire and serve others. Service to others, after all, is the greatest act we can perform in this life.
Those who live ‘imi ola are constantly seeking improvement, as they want to be their best selves.
Truly, ‘imi ola is a principle of living the aloha lifestyle, because when we work towards our best selves, we bless our lives and those around us.
Pay attention to moments that change the world & our lives
Most people realize the importance of ‘imi ola when they experience a life-changing event, such as the birth of a child or marriage.
Sometimes life-changing events are negative, like a national or global calamity, abuse, etc.
Some, unfortunately, never have moving experiences. They don’t allow themselves to recognize these life-changing moments and ask questions to discover who they are and who they can become.
My life changed on September 11, 2001, when I was 9 years old. We had just moved to an air force base in Japan and were living in, what they called, “the towers.” Ironic, but the first night we arrived in the towers, I heard my mom call out in shock from the other room.
“The airplanes hit the buildings!” I rushed in to see, on the TV screen, an airplane go straight for the tower.
I had a sick feeling in my stomach, and when I went to bed that night, I could hardly sleep because it was all I could think about.
The next morning, my siblings and I sat in the living room watching TV, witnessing the horror of what had just happened.
I cried with each new story I heard and saw: of calls people made to say their last goodbyes, of firefighters blanketed in dust and debris, of people jumping out windows to end their lives, of the sounds of bodies falling on the roofs, of the towers finally collapsing…
It was terrifying. Heartbreaking. Life-changing.
After a while, I couldn’t handle it anymore and went into the room to cry. I was devastated. How could God let all these people die—people who were just living normal lives and who hadn’t done anything wrong?
How could this happen?
As I searched the scriptures, prayed, and pondered this question in the following weeks and years, the answer came to me: We live in a fallen world. Things like this happen. This is the lot of mortality.
It’s not that God is angry at us, or that he wants us to suffer, but he allows these things to happen so we can learn and continue to grow.
From then on, I began to strengthen the value of ‘imi ola in my life. I wanted to become my best self in order to best serve others and society as a whole.
I wanted to inspire, educate, and help people live their own best lives… so that when bad things happen—which they will—we all can be better prepared and at peace, knowing we’d all done our best in this life.
What was a moment that changed your life? Or changed the world?
I’m writing this article during the outbreak of coronavirus, a pandemic that has literally changed everything. Perhaps this is the moment that has changed your world and perspective.
What can we learn from these life-changing moments? How can you live your best life? How can you best contribute?
Here are some other ways to live ‘imi ola.
Create your purpose
I think we spend too much of our time trying to “discover” or “figure out” our purpose in life. Probably the most important thing we can do to follow our life purpose is to just start.
Start by creating… write something, draw something, try a new skill. When you go for it, you discover what you like, and, also important, what you don’t like.
Ask people what skills you have, support a cause you’re passionate about, and create who YOU want to be.
As you create purpose and do meaningful work (ho’ohana), you will successfully discover your life purpose and path.
If you want to become your best self, you should never stop learning. Listen to experiences of others, seek understanding, read good books, and study God’s word. As the old saying goes, “Knowledge is power.” The more you know, the greater your ability to seek life in it’s highest form and be your best self.
I think we sometimes put too much pressure on ourselves to read “adult” books, like self help books, finance books, educational books, etc. but we can learn so much from fiction and YA books too!
Give yourself the permission to expand your imagination and creativity through reading fiction books too. My fiction favorites are Eragon, the Chronicles of Narnia, and books written by authors like Shannon Hale and Gale Carson Levine. 😉
Here are some of my favorite self improvement books that have expanded my perspective. The following links are Amazon affiliate links, meaning that when you click through and purchase, I will receive a commission at no extra cost to you!
It’s difficult to trust people, but know that you can always trust God. He will direct you to know and understand your contribution.
Sometimes he will leave you in the dark, but know that it’s OK—that shows he trusts YOU enough to make your decisions.
We don’t know WHY things happen the way they do in life, especially when tragedies occur, but when we CHOOSE our story, we bring more purpose and joy into our lives.
Having been abused by my dad, I knew that I didn’t want that to be my story… And that is ‘imi ola: you climb from the bottom, literally starting where you are, to create the life you want and fulfill the mission that God has put you on the earth for.
Live ‘imi ola by trusting in his plan and his ways. Our challenges are part of the story, but not the WHOLE story.
Find and get help from a Mentor
If we want to learn and be better people, we need to reach up to those who are where we want to be. A trusted leader once told me that if you want to get to the top, you need to look up, not across.
It’s important to have supportive friends and family, but we need people who can guide us along the way.
A mentor helps you create a vision of where you can be. They know the path, because they’ve walked it themselves. Mentors can act as guides to helping you reach your destination.
I’m SO grateful for the mentors in my life–spiritual mentors, business mentors, author mentors, etc. These articles will go into depth about WHY you need a mentor and HOW to find a great one!
I hope that you can seek your best life by living ‘imi ola. I encourage you to take time to ponder those life changing moments and what you’ll do because of them. It’s never too late to start becoming your best you.
With joy and aloha,
Leialoha
Let’s hear from you!
How will you implement the value of ‘imi ola in your life? Let us know in the comments!
Ho’omanawanui means to bear or endure for a long period of time. In essence, ho’omanawanui is patience. It is being able to persevere well through our various seasons in life.
“Ho’o” – means to do or be
“Manawa” – means time, season, date, or a period of time
“Nui” – means big, great, or large
Ho’omanawanui is to do or be something for a long season, time frame, or date.
There are many examples of things that take a long time to complete or that feel never-ending: raising children, working towards retirement, building a business, completing a creative project, strengthening a relationship, and so forth.
Ho’omanawanui is the attitude of going through these long seasons of life with grace and patience. It is doing and being well during long periods of life, especially those that don’t seem to have an end date.
A similar value to ho’omanawanui is ho’omau, meaning to endure well and persevere.
Growing up in Hawaii, my family was so poor that people in our church and neighborhood offered physical services to us, such as spaces they weren’t using. For example, the people who lived in the lot next to ours didn’t live in their home the full year. They only came around during the winter, so they offered to let my family stay in their house.
I call it a house, because it wasn’t a home. It was a shack in the middle of the Hawaiian woods, a shack that had each piece of wood carefully nailed by hand.
The shack didn’t have running water or electricity. We took showers in the backyard pool (which collected water from the copious amounts of rain in Hilo), and used the bathroom in a little makeshift outhouse, swarming with mosquitoes and an occasional cockroach.
Not idea at all.
Another family felt sorry for us and let us use the bathroom in their barn so we could shower with hot water. They also let us use the free space in their barn for our extra belongings—all of which could not fit in the shack we lived in.
Because we were indebted to these people for using their space and resources, my little sister, Esther, and I got assigned to make the payments.
When I say “payments,” I mean big summer projects. One of our projects was to stain the whole exterior of the shack we lived in. The other project was to organize the knick knacks in the barn, where our moldy boxes and belongings sat.
We got volun-told to do these things, and they were big projects.
Getting through the projects
In the summer between one of our school years, we set up the scaffold and stained the house. We did this everyday, stopping only for bathroom breaks and to eat lunch.
Because we were so poor, we just drank a lot of water and ate the occasional bag of pretzels our mom bought us.
Instead of dwelling on how long these projects took, and how tiring they were on our bodies, we, instead, focused on the positives.
We blasted the radio to the tunes of Taylor Swift, Miley Cyrus, the Fray, and Nickelback. We made up stories to write in the future. I thought I could “stain” my hair green, so we experimented secretly and I ended up cutting some hair off!
In this long, tiring period of our lives, at least we had each other.
We can’t always control our circumstances.
My sister and I had no option but to contribute, since we knew very well our neighbors and fellow church members were offering their spaces and services free of charge.
But we controlled what we could.
It was a long summer, but I look back at it with delight because I grew closer to my sister and enjoyed that time with her.
With ho’omanawanui, we control what we can: our attitude and our outlook.
There are seasons in our lives that seem to go on forever, but when we give ourselves permission to look for the positives, we can make these seasons bearable, even enjoyable.
Here are some other ways to live the value of ho’omanawanui.
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Be patient + positive
Do you find yourself rolling your eyes (internally) when someone talks forever? Or when you’re waiting in a line at a grocery store? Or when faced with a circumstance outside of your control?
I’ve learned that we GROW THE MOST in the times that we feel stuck. Sometimes I hate that this is true… but we don’t usually grow or learn in the comforts of life. We grow in the difficult time, when things are inconvenient or uncomfortable.
When we feel stuck in a situation that we don’t like, we have the opportunity to be more creative, try new things, and test our willpower.
When we look at our obstacles as opportunities to learn and grow, we not only help ourselves… we help others too!
How would being a little more patient help a child? A spouse? Or even yourself?
Remember that challenges are events in life, not life itself.
Yes, there are many inconveniences in life, but when we deal with them patiently and positively, these inconveniences can strengthen us in ways we never imagined.
Eliminate selfishness
Like the previous tip suggests, try to exercise a little more selflessness. When was the last time you seriously pondered who could use your help? Or the last time you prayed and asked God how you can serve someone?
When was the last time you sincerely thanked someone for what they did? Or the last time you felt genuinely happy for someone on social media (or in real life) for their successes?
When you’re driving or getting ready for the day, are you asking God how you can help?
Ho’omanawanui encourages us to be selfless. Of course, we still need to take care of ourselves, but we can find GREAT joy in our seasons of life by serving and thinking of others.
Celebrate the little wins too
Going to high school in Hawaii, we had a lot of pa’ina, which is basically a little party with food. I guess most people might call it a potluck.
The funny thing about pa’ina is that we didn’t even have HUGE things to celebrate… we had pa’ina for completing a section in our English classes, or completing a math quiz (on a random day), or just because it was someone’s birthday. It didn’t have to be huge.
And the same is with ho’omanawanui. When we practice patience, a difficult task for many of us, we should celebrate the wins!
That one time you replied calmly to your child? Win!
The moment someone cut you off on the road but you quickly took control of your emotions? Win!
Being kind to yourself when all the things on your list don’t get done? Win!
There are so many wins in life, and if we take the time to celebrate them, we can actually become more patient! Acknowledging our efforts is a HUGE win!
Oh, and you don’t have to have a formal “pa’ina” to celebrate your little victories, but, as a Hawaiian, I always encourage food! 😛
Final Thoughts
I hope that you can find happiness in the periods of life that last a long time. When we implement the value of ho’omanawanui, we can make even the longest + hardest challenges a little lighter and sometimes even more delightful.
With love + joy,
Leialoha
P.S. The correct pronunciation for ho’omanawanui is “Ho – o – mana- va – nu – ee“ 😉
Let’s hear it from you!
How do you live the value of ho’omanawanui in your life? Let’s hear it in the comments below! 🙂
Kū literally translates to “to stand,” and pa’a translates to “firm” or “solid.” So the word kupa’a means to stand firm.
Steadfast.
Immovable.
Constant, determined, and faithful.
When we live the value of kūpa’a, we stand strong in our decisions, based off of truth and righteousness (pono). No matter what happens to us, we are resilient, knowing that if we don’t stand for something, we would fall for anything.
The thick and thin about lava
At around 15 years old, my family moved from Oahu to the Big Island. During our first few months there, we explored the island, venturing to one of the most popular sites to see: the lava flowing into the ocean.
At the time, the flow hadn’t covered most of Pahoa, and instead was just a huge field of black rocks that had hardened a few years before.
In my journal, I wrote that red reflectors on the ground guided us towards the flow. At one point, we couldn’t find the reflectors, so my dad trudged forward. Before our hike, other locals warned us to be careful while walking on the lava.
While the surface of the lava was hardened and felt solid, the lava could actually be a thin layer, which, if stepped or stood on for too long or hard, might break and fall into a lava tunnel beneath.
I worried and thought of this as dad guided my siblings, mom, and I through the lava field. I once felt secure by the reflectors, knowing that officials marked those as safe spots. Those reflectors marked that no lava flowed beneath here, and the surface would not break through. Now walking, without any knowledge, made me terribly anxious.
A dangerous situation
At one point, dad found a spot where you could see the lava flowing beneath. I timidly walked to where he stood and peeked inside, the hot glow of lava oozed far beneath. The ground below felt solid, but I could only imagine it snapping, like a brittle cracker, into a million pieces, and we would all go falling into the burning below.
Fortunately, it didn’t break, and we continued towards the ocean.
Since the daylight shone above us, we couldn’t see the red glow of the lava flowing into the ocean perfectly. But the smell of sulfur, the smoke and steam rising into the air, and the occasional gust of heat let us know that the lava flowed ahead of us.
We stayed there for a while, admiring the lava flow from a distance, but the whole time I felt nervous. Even going back, I longed to see the reflectors to know that we stood on solid ground. We eventually did get back. Nothing happened, but I still reflect on this experience.
Kūpa’a is all about standing firm and being solid in decisions, knowing that the decisions were made and based off of truth. When we make decisions based off of popular beliefs, trends, or opinions, we stand on shaky ground, where, when put against the test of time and God’s truth, the ground breaks and we fall into the lava below. We can, as the popular saying goes, get “roasted” because our beliefs aren’t built on solid truth.
When we stand on solid ground, strong + confident in our decisions, we withstand any weight or burdens that may be placed against us.
How to live Kūpa’a
I once spoke to a close friend whose daughter was making decisions that were inappropriate and disrespectful to God. My friend and I share the same religion and beliefs, and it’s important to us to always be pono… that God recognizes those efforts we make to honor and respect all people and their rights. My friend’s husband told their daughter this:
“Just because you don’t go to church or abide by the standards, it doesn’t mean that you lose your morals.”
That stuck with me. We have a kuleana, responsibility—not only to God—but to humanity and to this world, to have morals. Living kupa’a is all about living upright and moral in a world that mocks morality and standards.
The values I’ve discussed on my blog are all a great way to start discovering what it means to be moral and pono. However, connecting with God is the greatest way to discover morality and to know how to live our best lives in this world.
Here are some other ways to live the value of kupa’a.
Know your why
If you don’t know your why, it’s harder to kupa’a. In my church we follow a commandment called “The Word of Wisdom,” where we choose to abstain from alcohol, drugs, and other harmful substances. I made a very conscious choice, as a young girl, to obey this commandment.
As I got older, classmates and neighbors questioned my choice, thinking that it “wasn’t fun” that I obeyed all these “rules.”
But I knew my why. I did it because I wanted to be obedient to God. If I wanted to be close to him, I needed to listen to and obey him.
This was never a good enough reason for others, but it was solid ground for me. I’ve felt blessed for my decision, and grateful to God for helping me stay firm in it too.
If you don’t know your why, it makes it difficult to stand strong where you are. When people ask questions or bring up things you’ve already made a decision on, and you know your why, be confident in that decision.
Be pono
There are many people who are kupa’a in things that are morally wrong, like abortion (murder) or abuse in any of its forms.
My dad was one of those people. He twisted the church’s teachings and then used his personal convictions to abuse me and my family. He manipulated God’s truth so that he could get away with the things he did.
It was awful and confusing. My dad was so firm in his beliefs, that they became a reality for him. He ended up getting what he wanted and, to this day, believes he did no wrong to my siblings, my mom, and myself.
With a charming personality, he painted the picture of us as the bad guys (and we all still suffer from trauma and ptsd from it to this day). Some of my siblings even left the church we grew up loving and living.
My dad would say, “Live your truth.” And that was the problem.
As Ben Shapiro put it: “There’s no such thing as ‘your truth.’ There’s THE TRUTH and YOUR OPINION.”
When you choose to be kupa’a about something, make sure it is pono and right. Make sure that it benefits and blesses society and yourself. Even if it’s unpopular, such as choosing not to swear/use bad language or choosing modesty over trends, when you choose pono morals, it does bless humanity as a whole.
Stand firm
There are so many things to be kupa’a about, that in the end, it’s up to you to decide what you will stand strong in. There are so many voices in today’s world crying for attention, so how will you react? Will you make your decisions beforehand, so when the testing time comes, you’ll stand firm?
I’m so grateful for the value of kupa’a. It helped me feel peace about my decisions, even when others have mocked or questioned me. I feel pono and aligned with God when I choose to be kupa’a about God’s truth. What are some ways you’ve used kupa’a in your life?
With aloha,
Lei
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It is knowing that there is a God, whom we owe everything to. I heard someone once say that “It would be disrespectful to God if I were ungrateful.” Mahalo is recognizing + trusting in God, that his plan and ways are greater than our own. It is knowing that he, as the creator, has given us all these things and supports us, even from one breath to another.
When it rains, as it frequently does in Hawaii, our hearts are always full of gratitude. As the sun shines, we are grateful. When we go to the beach and swim, feel the warmth of the waves, and interact with the sea animals, our hearts are full of gratitude. When we go to the mountains and hear the birds sing, the wind whistle through the trees, and the lava flowing continuously, we are grateful.
Mahalo ke Akua. Thanks be to God.
Swimming in the middle of the ocean
When I was about 16 years old, I went to a summer program called Na Pua No’eau. There were different groups in this program but my group was especially meaningful to me, because I love the ocean. We learned how to man and sail the wa’a, the Hawaiian canoe. We learned the basics of reading the stars, how to tie the knots, and how to show respect to the canoe, the ocean, and to one another.
One day, we sailed out past Hilo bay. I was so excited for this, because we’d only stayed in the bay to practice sailing, and I knew it was nothing like being out in the great wide ocean.
As we broke free of the Hilo bay wall, the ocean loomed for miles: deep, blue, wise. We sailed quite a ways, the view of Hilo bayfront looking like a postcard in the distance.
Our captain let us take a jump in the water, which we willingly did to cool off. As I floated in the middle of the ocean, knowing the water went down for miles below me and around me, I realized how tiny I was. What mother Teresa said was true, that we are just “a drop in the ocean.”
Who knew what creatures lurked in the water beneath me, or how deep it went? The water was an intense dark blue, and when I turned my body to look out at the horizon, it stretched on forever.
I felt so vulnerable. So small. My body totally exposed in this sea of unknown, my legs dangling into the unknown. It was terrifying. And, yet… so humbling.
Even though I was this tiny human being—that was so fragile physically and emotionally, that could be swallowed up in this deep blue by the water or by some creature, that I was just one person in a world of billions of people—I still mattered.
The Great Paradox
That is the great paradox… that even though we are “nothing” in comparison to the grandeur and glory of all God’s creations, we are still everything to him. We are still his greatest and grandest creation.
This perspective changed my life. God has given us everything, and yet we are nothing. God loves us with all he has, and yet we only give him back a portion of our thanks and gratitude.
To complete the quote by Mother Teresa, she said: “We ourselves feel that what we are doing is just a drop in the ocean. But the ocean would be less because of that missing drop.”
We all matter. And, most importantly, we matter to God. Of all the things he’s given us, our time and life here is a precious gift.
We are each a part of the picture.
We all have a contribution to make.
We’re all needed.
Knowing this changed my heart. Mahalo ke Akua. Thanks be to God for all the life he gives us—the world around us, people, and even the magnificence of our own bodies. When we realize how tiny and seemingly insignificant we are in the world, we learn the value of mahalo.
Here are some other ways to live mahalo.
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Go out in nature
Nature is one of the world’s greatest teachers. There is no rebellion in the spirit of nature and animals. As a young adult returning to the Big Island, I used to swim laps at my favorite beach every morning, sometimes passing turtles.
The turtles taught me many valuable lessons… not that they did anything special, but their spirits were special. Their behavior, their grace, their patience taught me things I needed to do and change in my life.
Let the stars, the trees, the moon, the animals, and the sun—let nature—teach you.
Have an attitude of gratitude
It’s so easy to look at your life and see the things you lack. If someone else has a product or “thing” then we seem to immediately want that. We grow sad when we can’t get the things we want, when, really, we should be looking at what we do have.
One of the best things I’ve done for myself, especially growing up in poverty and experiencing abuse, was to look at the things I did have: I didn’t have money or control over my family situation, but I had creativity, a good brain, and the value of ho’ohana, doing meaningful work. I was so grateful for those things I had—though not physical “things.” This attitude of gratitude helped me get out of my darkest times.
Encourage selflessness in your life
I watched a video once that said ingratitude is a result of selfishness: We think we deserve more. We think we’re better than others. We think others don’t deserve what they have.
What if, instead of thinking only of ourselves, we thought more of others?
How can I serve them?
How can I be happy for them?
When we focus on service, our lives become more joyful. Serving helps us be grateful for the things we do have: our knowledge, our life, our people.
Mahalo ke Akua – Thanks be to God
Saying a prayer of thanks, and then showing our appreciation to God through our actions are powerful ways to live mahalo. Thanks be to God for the wonderful opportunity we have to live each day.
I know sometimes it’s hard to find something to be grateful for. Sometimes we think we have to dig deep to find gratitude. But it can become habitual, and the more grateful we are, the more blessings and miracles we see.
I created this Mahalo ke Akua gratitude journal to inspire you to write and reflect daily on the things you’re grateful for. With practice, this book can blossom your gratitude into a beautiful habit, a habit that no longer requires a book to record!
Mahalo for being here!
There are so many ways to implement the value of mahalo in your life. I’m sure if you’ve visited Hawaii, it feels good when people tell you mahalo. You feel appreciated. You feel seen.
Let’s give our thanks to God by living an attitude of gratitude for ourselves and all around us. We can do this!
Ho’ohana is the value of purposeful and meaningful work. When we work towards something with intention, it provides a feeling of satisfaction and purpose that nothing else can.
Think about the work you currently do, whether you’re a mother/homemaker, working a full time career, or starting a side hustle… is your work purposeful? Is it meaningful to you?
Work can be hard. Some people work because they have to, some because they want to, and others consider work to not be work at all. Ho’ohano is the idea that when we become friends with work, work can be an enjoyable, growing, and enlightening experience.
“Ho’o” – means to do.
“Hana” – means to work with purpose or intent.
Therefore, ho’o + hana = to do meaningful, purposeful, or intentional work
Ho’ohana is like playing a sport
If you’ve ever played a sport, you know that it requires effort, especially physically and mentally. If you can put your energy and focus into what you’re doing, you become stronger and your abilities increase.
In high school, I did Cross Country and, although I wasn’t the fastest runner on the team, I worked hard. I pushed myself to beat personal PRs and boosted my teammates too. At the start of the season, there would usually be a lot of people on the team, and by the end, about a quarter would’ve dropped out.
The drop-out quarter of runners would complain about practices being too hard, or gossip about the coaches, spreading lies and negativity. Some of us ignored them, and some listened. The ones who listened usually ended up dropping out too.
Those of us who didn’t listen continued to try our best, and to be obedient to our coaches, instead of complaining. When our coach said to get down and do 10 burpees, we did it. When our coach said to sit down and relax, so we could mentally visualize race day, we did it.
It’s not about the destination, only finding meaning in the journey
Races and practices, though still hard on the body and mind, actually became enjoyable. Anybody who does a sport knows this. When you become a friend to the exercise and work, you actually have fun and find purpose + meaning.
That is ho’ohana. It doesn’t mean that work becomes any easier, it just means that you become a friend to work, knowing that as you put in your 100%, YOU become stronger. You become friends with those who work alongside you, and friends with those directing you (boss, employer, coach, etc).
Whether it’s a coworkers, spouse, family member, friend, or teammate who complains about the work, slipping down the hole of negativity, criticism, and gossip, YOU actively choose to disengage and press forward. With your own desire to learn and grow—even if the work is hard–you choose ho’ohana and pave the way for success.
Instead of waiting for something to happen in your life and work, you create paradise right where you are through living ho’ohana.
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How to live Ho’ohana
There are many ways to implement this Hawaiian value into your life, but the most important thing is to start where you are. Trying to do everything at once leads to overwhelm, and ho’ohana is about doing meaningful work, not trying to do everything.
Create Purpose
Whether you’re a stay at home mom, employee, or employer, create purpose in your work. Creating purpose is different from finding purpose. When you create purpose, you intentionally choose the WHY behind what you’re doing—whether that be wanting to raise the kids in a loving environment, make extra money from a side hustle, or work towards a dream vacation. When you find purpose, you go through a checklist in your head of your reasons to work.
Ho’ohana loves creativity, so as you create a WHY behind your work, you find more peace + enjoyment in it. It might seem a little more obvious to find the WHY behind raising children or running a business, but what about jobs that are less enjoyable—those of minimum wage, demanding environments, and/or less-than-pleasant customers… I’m talking call centers, fast food joints, etc. How can you live ho’ohana when you’re starting from the bottom and/or stuck at a job you don’t like?
Choose your why
Create purpose. Choose WHY you’re there. People say things like, “I have to work,” but the reality is that nobody is forcing them to work. Ho’ohana is taking responsibility for the choice to work.
I’ve worked odd jobs to make ends meet here and there. One of the jobs was at a call center, where people would call in swearing and angry at the product. It was so hard not to take things personally. But I had a purpose in this work. It was just a temporary job to make some money while I started a side hustle (this blog!). That was my reason.
I did my best and implemented the value of ho’ohana by becoming friends with my coworkers and bosses. They noticed my efforts and I was even promoted to the Tier 2 calls, which meant a pay raise!
When the time came that I left the job, my coworkers were so sad, as we’d all become good friends. To this day we’re all still good friends. I’m so grateful that my time there—at a less than pleasant job—had been a growing and even enjoyable experience!
Put in 100%
Ho’ohana puts in a full 100% effort. It doesn’t mean you need to be perfect at the things you’re doing, but when you TRY, you receive a deep satisfaction in life.
For a short time in college, I worked at a bakery as a pastry chef. My supervisor was very much a witch: breathing down our necks, impatiently giving orders and demands, telling us to do one thing then chastising us the next minute for not doing something else, etc. She was so inconsistent and grumpy, it was easy for anyone to feel negatively towards her and the work.
But I chose to ho’ohana… to work hard and be a good team player. In no time, my efforts affected my coworkers and even the other supervisors in the bakery—who would often approach and ask me how I was doing.
They would always say hello to me, which really made my time at the bakery better. The work conditions regarding my supervisor never improved, I never got a raise, and my efforts weren’t once recognized by my supervisor.
But God noticed.
I had given 100% to that job, and God had graced me with more patience, endurance, and stamina to handle the snappiness and weaknesses of others. And another blessing occurred from giving 100%. While I had been working at the bakery, I networked with the right people and got an envied and prized job on the college campus.
Giving 100% really works!
Take Initiative
When you see an opportunity to grow and learn in your work, take initiative. Ho’ohana is all about building others up, and building yourself up at the same time. Have you ever had a disagreeable coworker or work environment? How easy is it to complain and gossip about it? Or to just quit in search of a place that would “make you happier”?
While some situations are toxic—and you should definitely run away from those asap—most jobs are great “except that one thing or person.” What if we implemented the value of ho’ohana to grow + expand ourselves and our abilities to give and receive aloha?
Every person has weaknesses, so how can we use our strengths to help with the weaknesses of others? Ho’ohana is being resistant against the downers of work, and, instead, seeking solutions.
When we think of a work environment like a sports team, wouldn’t you do something to compensate for a player who has a weak knee or arm? Wouldn’t you want to help them so the whole team grows stronger? In fact, wouldn’t everyone want to use their strengths to help others with their weaknesses?
Ho’ohana is creating that environment where everyone can work hard and help one another.
Be Creative
If you know that the work you currently do isn’t what you want to do forever, then truly let the value of ho’ohana sink in by being creative. While creating this blog, I worked about 4 different jobs to support myself and my husband (and he worked too). From taking family photos and wedding videography, to substitute teaching and working as a music teacher at a local school… I worked hard to pursue my dreams.
Ho’ohana is all about stretching ourselves to reach our dreams. My main goal was to be able to work for myself as a creative, but this would not be easy. And it would certainly take time. All of my side jobs weren’t always easy, but I stayed positive and kept it in my mind that these little tasks would generate income to start up my creative business.
I felt silly as I did all of these jobs, especially when people asked me what I was doing, but I learned that their opinions didn’t matter. Ho’ohana allowed me to see the bigger picture—that I was working for a cause.
Sometimes you have to do things non-traditionally to do work that is purposeful and meaningful for you. I’ve met so many people who created their success without going to college and getting a degree. I’ve met people who hustled in college (like myself) and got a degree but hustled even more afterwards, in order to create purposeful work.
A huge part of ho’ohana is to stay positive. Our world views work as drudgery, and like we’re slaves to work our whole lives. This simply isn’t true. Work can be enjoyable when we create purpose and view work as a necessary growing part of life.
There will always be work to do—work to raise children, work to make money, work in the yard, work to strengthen a relationship, work to correct a mistake, work towards a dream, etc.
But ho’ohana helps us enjoy and even love the work we do… because work is not meaningless. We create purpose and meaning in it.
Even though work hasn’t always been easy through my life, I’m grateful for those times I implemented ho’ohana, because it made things much easier.
With joy and aloha,
Lei
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So what are some ways you want to implement ho’ohana in your life? Comment below!
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Aloha is probably one of the most popular Hawaiian words, meaning “hello,” “goodbye,” and “I love you.” But if we truly break it down and understand the etymology, the feeling, and the spirit of aloha, we learn to live on a deeper and more meaningful way.
“Alo” is the presence of, and “ha” is breath or life force. So, literally, aloha is the presence of life. It is recognizing the life in ourselves and others, and, more importantly, the love that flows through all things. Ancient Hawaiians had this concept of mana, or energy, that flows in everything. In Christian religion, this mana could be understood as spirit. The greater our love, the greater the mana.
Aloha is the constant giving and receiving of love. From the moment we were born, we have the desire to give and receive love. It is our natural state of spirit.
Through pain, heartache, trauma, and grief, our ego steps in to protect us. We form beliefs that block our flow of aloha, such as the belief that we can’t trust anyone, or that we can’t be truly happy. Aloha is loving ourselves, others, and God enough to return to that love.
It’s a lifelong journey, but it’s one that is totally worth it. When we truly recognize the life force in ourselves and others, and honor that, we create that flow of love with every person and living thing we encounter.
Aloha is like the flowing of a river
To better understand the constant flow of aloha, I imagine a beautiful, strong river. Some rivers are small, some large, some shallow, and some deep. This is like the flow of aloha in our lives. The better we get at practicing aloha, the deeper and stronger this river flows. People can feel the aloha spirit from just being around us.
Others have a harder time with the flow of love. Perhaps they suffered a deep trauma that makes it difficult to navigate the flow. Perhaps they experienced a grief, violence, or abuse that sucked them nearly dry.
Life is full of difficulties, but know this… there will always be a flow within you. Even if you feel that all love and light has dried out of you, it isn’t so. God created us with an abundance of love, and, because he loves us, we can reach out to him to quench any of our needs, especially that of love.
No matter how small or large your flow of love, there will always be difficulties and challenges placed in your way. I think of limiting self beliefs, negative thoughts, feelings of worthlessness, and hopelessness as the pieces that make a dam.
A dam cuts off the flow, and, because we all experience heartache in life, we all have things we need to work to remove out of our thoughts and beliefs.
Self limiting beliefs block the flow
When I was a young adult, I recognized that I had this self limiting belief: “I can’t be truly happy because if I am, then something bad will happen.” I didn’t allow myself to be happy because I feared what would come next.
It always seemed like if I did experience some kind of joy, I had to shut it down quickly—stuff it inside—so that if someone said something rude or negative, or a bad event happened next, I’d know that I’d already stuffed the happiness down and I hadn’t really deserved it.
Or that it hadn’t actually been a true feeling.
This belief came from years of neglect, abuse, and manipulation. I would rejoice in other people’s successes, but I never felt secure or happy in my own.
When I recognized this belief, it took a long time to remove this block that had such a huge role in creating a dam to the flow of love. I would give love, but never truly receive it from others.
This is not aloha. Aloha flows between all things.
Let it flow. 🙂
Work to remove the blocks of self-limiting beliefs, negativity, selfishness, worthlessness, and hopelessness.
Here are some additional ways to help you do this, and more fully implement the value of aloha in your life.
Love and trust God first
God, the father of our spirits, is love. He is the God who can give you the love you need. Through his son, Jesus Christ, we can experience unlimited joy in this life. I’m so grateful for their support in my life—in fact, I don’t know where I’d be without knowing there is a God and a Savior for me. Trust that God loves and knows you, because he does.
Learn compassion
“Charity is the pure love of Christ.” Aloha is basically charity: withholding judgment and loving unconditionally.
It’s so easy to judge others.
I read a book, which I highly recommend, called “Judgment Detox,” (that’s an affiliate link, meaning if you click through and buy it, I receive a commission at no extra cost to you!) and it helped me recognize how often I judge people.
Don’t misunderstand me here… we need to judge situations and things for safety and responsible reasons, but how often do we find ourselves judging people for petty things, like lifestyle choices, things they say, or things they post on social media?
We all are different, and we all have a contribution to make.
Instead of judging, have compassion and grace for others. Try to truly understand what they’re saying when they talk to you. “Pa’a ka waha” and “lokahi” teach us how to strengthen our relationships and listen with love to others. This encourages the constant flow of aloha in our lives.
Have aloha for yourself too
For many of us, it’s easy to love and rejoice for and with others, and yet, we rarely rejoice in our own successes. Instead, we criticize and judge ourselves for not doing or being enough. Withholding love for ourselves is the very act of creating blocks to our flow of love. It’s like we’re building our own dams by withholding love for ourselves. We can’t have a continuous flow for others if we withhold love from ourselves.
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Have hope
The spirit of aloha may sometimes feel like a thing of the past, but it isn’t. You can create paradise right where you are by living the value of aloha. If you’ve been hurt in the past, it can feel difficult at first to allow the flow of aloha to run its course in your life. But know that there is hope. There is always hope. 🙂
I hope you will be able to live the spirit of aloha in your home and life. And remember, if you don’t think you can even feel love right now, reach up to a loving Heavenly Father. He will gently remind you of how loved, valued, and beautiful you are. When you reach up to him and do your part, your river flow of aloha will become strong and deep.
Follow my 3 steps to have mercy for people (because we’re all not perfect)
There are 3 things that go through my head when I feel annoyed, impatient, or angry at someone. These 3 keys help me have ALOHA for others all the time.
Every person is a child of God. We learned this in ‘ohana. We are all God’s children so deserve to be treated that way.
Every person has pain, challenges, trials, and heartaches.
People deal with their problems the best way they know how. Sometimes a person hasn’t experienced much. Maybe they’re not as mature as you are, and so they just don’t understand. I’ve come to realize that people usually do the best they can with the knowledge and experience they have.
I hope these tips will inspire you to live more aloha. It is truly possible!
With joy and aloha,
Lei
Your turn!
How do you live aloha? Let us know in the comments below!
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This isn’t the kind of “treat” yourself article, with ideas on makeup, clothes, and food to pamper you. This goes beyond that, to a state of you becoming. Growing up in Hawaii, I realized that “things” don’t last. Cars and trucks rust within a few years, food gets soggy if left out, the lava takes over whatever it wants—burning any homes in its path, and any garden or home left untouched becomes a part of the jungle—the trees and plants growing over anything it can. Despite most physical “things” not lasting in Hawaii, there were some “things” that did last—things you couldn’t see, but felt—relationships, love, family, God, good energy. And this article is to help you improve one of these key unseen relationships, aka your relationship with yourself.
If you struggle to love yourself, recognize those reasons why (Read The Top 5 Reasons You Don’t Like Yourself + How to Stop It) and then process and reframe your mind. Creating a healthy relationship with yourself can impact your life forever, and it can impact every person around you. Have you ever met that woman who carries herself with grace, who looks as though a crown is on her head—she isn’t haughty, no. She knows who she is, and she loves and embraces who she is. And you can too. Here are the top 8 steps on how you can do that:
Be kind in your thoughts
Listen to what your thoughts are saying. I’ve repeated this time and time again in my articles, but when you truly take a moment to listen to your thought process, you’ll recognize you deserve better. The negativity you tell yourself simply isn’t true. You ARE worth it, and no matter how many mistakes you make, you can get up and keep trying.
Recognize life obstacles for what they are
We’ve all had terrible things happen to us—whether we caused the pain ourselves, or someone did something awful to us. I’m not undermining these experiences—they are deeply painful, scarring, and can leave us totally stuck, immovable. Recognize these life obstacles as just that: obstacles. Sometimes it takes a while to get over them, and sometimes you might feel as though you’ll always carry some part of it with you… but continue to rise above them. Remember that life obstacles are just events in life, not life itself. When you recognize that, you realize that your life has a beautiful and hopeful journey—it doesn’t have to always be like the darkness you experienced.
Create something
Being creative helps you enjoy life, and, even more so, enjoy being you. When you let your creativity flow, whether you’re painting a picture, playing/singing music, writing a poem, or whatever craft/art/medium suits your fancy, you are actually giving yourself permission to be YOU. What better way to love yourself?
As a Hawaiian, I’ve always loved flower crowns. In Hawaii they’re called lei po’o or haku lei. Whenever I create a haku lei for me or another person, I feel the good energy inside of me—love for my ability to be creative, and love for the person I’m making the lei for. Find something to create and feel the good energy, the zest for life, and enjoy!
Do something you love
Treat yourself to something you absolutely love… something that will raise your spirits and provide a wholesome activity for you. Whether that’s spending time with a loved one, reading a book, or even just going for a calm drive through the mountains… doing something you love helps you appreciate you!
Don’t hold back on promptings
You know when you have that feeling to go and do something? I suggest you go and do it. 😉 Listening to those promptings from God will inspire your life, and help you feel his love for you.
Serve others + self
When you do something for a person who can’t do it by themselves, it provides a deep satisfaction for life. You feel appreciated for what you do—if not by the person you provided service to than, at the very least, from God. Even serving yourself provides satisfaction, in whatever form that looks for you: eating healthy, writing in your journal, reading the scriptures, or watching an uplifting show.
Celebrate the little successes
You’re doing great. I wish you could know just that. The very fact that you’re here, finding ways to take care of yourself, shows that you’re on the right path. Celebrate that you’re here! And celebrate the little successes: waking up on time, getting to bed on time, serving a friend, smiling at a stranger, etc. You’re doing better than you think. 😉
Pray
Sometimes it’s hard to love yourself when you feel depressed or lonely. In these moments, even just the thought of liking yourself feels impossible. As someone who had depression, I realized that I could not recover on my own, and I needed divine intervention. So I turned to prayer—I always turned to prayer when I couldn’t love myself. God helped me to see my worth as his daughter. He showed me that I’m never alone, because he is always looking out for me. I know he can do the same for you.
Celebrate + Love You
You’re amazing. There’s no-one like you on this earth. You have a unique mission and purpose, and as you learn to love yourself, you learn what exactly those are for you. Your life will be filled with satisfaction and purpose, and when trials come (which they will for all of us), you’ll be better equipped because you know who you are + you already love yourself enough to know you can get through any of your hardest days.
Sending love from one daughter of a king to another,
E komo mai! 🌺 I am the author of Aloha State of Mind, a self help book that teaches you how to create paradise wherever you are. My blog, Naturally Aloha, focuses on all things Hawaii: culture, values, food, lifestyle, and more. I hope my writing inspires you to carry aloha with you everywhere! Learn more…
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