As a student in high school, I learned about the Hero’s Journey in my English class. In the journey, the hero experiences hardships, overcomes challenges, and triumphs at the end. There are other elements along this journey, and one of those is the aid of a mentor. Every hero has a mentor.
As we seek life in it’s highest form, ‘imi ola, we need the help of others. No person, no hero, can do it alone. From my own experiences of seeking a mentor, I’ve compiled the 10 ways to find a great mentor in the list below. Some of these items have specific counsel, and some of them are things you should look for in a great mentor. As you read the list, ponder this: who, in your circle of influence, can be a mentor to you? Who is already a mentor for you? Where can you find a mentor?
1. Look for a mentor with similar goals and vision
I’ve always wanted to be a published author, and I always wanted to write about Hawaii. One of my mentors was a college professor, a well-known published author, and a Hawaii local (as he lived in Hawaii for years before moving back to the mainland). He was deeply spiritual, with a love for Jesus Christ that I admired. Yes, I wanted to be like him: a published author. He had attributes that I hoped to someday gain for myself. I wanted to be as compassionate, helpful, and patient to others as he was to me. His vision for his life was similar to what I wanted for my life, which made it easier for me to relate to him.
2. Choose a mentor who has similar tastes and humor
My college professor mentor had been to Hawaii, so he knew the customs and culture. He also knew how important it was to me, which meant a lot. His similar tastes and his fun sense of humor always helped me. You want to choose someone who you can relate with. I’ve noticed that really old people have a dry sense of humor. That’s not really my humor—it’s actually kind of annoying to me. My mentors all have similar interests and humor to myself, which makes our visits that much more enjoyable.
3. Choose a mentor you admire
I greatly admire all of my mentors, but there is one that stands out from the rest. She holds herself with grace and poise. She never shrinks under pressure or allows outside circumstances to affect her happiness. She takes care of herself in all ways. She was the first person to exemplify to me what it means to live a balanced life. Her life is far from perfect, but her rich character, wealth of experience, and abundance of love have been qualities I hope to one day achieve in my life. Choose someone who you truly admire, not in a romantic sort of way, but in such a way that you can see yourself one day standing in their shoes and becoming as they are.
4. A great mentor encourages, uplifts, and edifies
There are people in life who take and keep taking. Mentors are far from that type. They give, and give, and give some more! After a visit with my mentor, I feel energized and refreshed. Mentors provide healthy encouragement.
5. A great mentor never talks down, belittles, or compares
My mentors have never said an unkind word to me. Instead, they offered counsel and constructive criticism–an important role of a mentor. However, because of their great love for me, I never felt belittled. My mentors are never dying for me to finish a sentence so they can cut in and weave their own life narrative into my concerns. They never try to push their agenda into the conversation. They are patient with concerns and challenges, no matter how big or small.
6. A great mentor is a great listener
I’ve felt the power of being listened to as a missionary, a friend, a wife, and a family member. When someone isn’t listening, you can literally feel it. A mentor listens to you and to the guidance of the Spirit. They don’t think about what they’re going to eat for dinner that night, the amount of time you’re taking up, or what they’re going to say next. They’re listening, truly listening the entire time. They offer advice, counsel, and criticism when asked, but they never impose it.
7. A great mentor is based on principle, not personality
Personality is a wonderful thing, but it is also superficial. The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Steve Covey lists a variety of principles people should base their character off. Choose some principles that help guide your life, and find someone who bases their life on those principles too.
8. A great mentor looks out for your welfare and well-being
Above all, a mentor helps you find balance in your life. When they see the things you struggle with, they offer help. They guide you along to become more self-reliant, based on principle, and successful. They want you to be happy, and will carefully instruct you on how to get there.
I am so grateful for all of the help my mentors have given to me. I feel like I wouldn’t be where I am today if it hadn’t been for the aloha, the compassion, the help, and support that my mentors gave to me. I hope these tips will help you find a mentor in your life! Remember, ‘imi ola—seek the highest!
Love,
Lei
Do you have a mentor? How have they helped you? Comment below! 🙂
