Aloha is probably one of the most popular Hawaiian words, meaning “hello,” “goodbye,” and “I love you.” But if we truly break it down and understand the etymology, the feeling, and the spirit of aloha, we learn to live on a deeper and more meaningful way.
“Alo” is the presence of, and “ha” is breath or life force. So, literally, aloha is the presence of life. It is recognizing the life in ourselves and others, and, more importantly, the love that flows through all things. Ancient Hawaiians had this concept of mana, or energy, that flows in everything. In Christian religion, this mana could be understood as spirit. The greater our love, the greater the mana.
Aloha is the constant giving and receiving of love. From the moment we were born, we have the desire to give and receive love. It is our natural state of spirit.
Through pain, heartache, trauma, and grief, our ego steps in to protect us. We form beliefs that block our flow of aloha, such as the belief that we can’t trust anyone, or that we can’t be truly happy. Aloha is loving ourselves, others, and God enough to return to that love.
It’s a lifelong journey, but it’s one that is totally worth it. When we truly recognize the life force in ourselves and others, and honor that, we create that flow of love with every person and living thing we encounter.
Aloha is like the flowing of a river
To better understand the constant flow of aloha, I imagine a beautiful, strong river. Some rivers are small, some large, some shallow, and some deep. This is like the flow of aloha in our lives. The better we get at practicing aloha, the deeper and stronger this river flows. People can feel the aloha spirit from just being around us.
Others have a harder time with the flow of love. Perhaps they suffered a deep trauma that makes it difficult to navigate the flow. Perhaps they experienced a grief, violence, or abuse that sucked them nearly dry.
Life is full of difficulties, but know this… there will always be a flow within you. Even if you feel that all love and light has dried out of you, it isn’t so. God created us with an abundance of love, and, because he loves us, we can reach out to him to quench any of our needs, especially that of love.
No matter how small or large your flow of love, there will always be difficulties and challenges placed in your way. I think of limiting self beliefs, negative thoughts, feelings of worthlessness, and hopelessness as the pieces that make a dam.
A dam cuts off the flow, and, because we all experience heartache in life, we all have things we need to work to remove out of our thoughts and beliefs.
Self limiting beliefs block the flow
When I was a young adult, I recognized that I had this self limiting belief: “I can’t be truly happy because if I am, then something bad will happen.” I didn’t allow myself to be happy because I feared what would come next.
It always seemed like if I did experience some kind of joy, I had to shut it down quickly—stuff it inside—so that if someone said something rude or negative, or a bad event happened next, I’d know that I’d already stuffed the happiness down and I hadn’t really deserved it.
Or that it hadn’t actually been a true feeling.
This belief came from years of neglect, abuse, and manipulation. I would rejoice in other people’s successes, but I never felt secure or happy in my own.
When I recognized this belief, it took a long time to remove this block that had such a huge role in creating a dam to the flow of love. I would give love, but never truly receive it from others.
This is not aloha. Aloha flows between all things.
Let it flow. 🙂
Work to remove the blocks of self-limiting beliefs, negativity, selfishness, worthlessness, and hopelessness.
Here are some additional ways to help you do this, and more fully implement the value of aloha in your life.
Love and trust God first
God, the father of our spirits, is love. He is the God who can give you the love you need. Through his son, Jesus Christ, we can experience unlimited joy in this life. I’m so grateful for their support in my life—in fact, I don’t know where I’d be without knowing there is a God and a Savior for me. Trust that God loves and knows you, because he does.
Learn compassion
“Charity is the pure love of Christ.” Aloha is basically charity: withholding judgment and loving unconditionally.
It’s so easy to judge others.
I read a book, which I highly recommend, called “Judgment Detox,” (that’s an affiliate link, meaning if you click through and buy it, I receive a commission at no extra cost to you!) and it helped me recognize how often I judge people.
Don’t misunderstand me here… we need to judge situations and things for safety and responsible reasons, but how often do we find ourselves judging people for petty things, like lifestyle choices, things they say, or things they post on social media?
We all are different, and we all have a contribution to make.
Instead of judging, have compassion and grace for others. Try to truly understand what they’re saying when they talk to you. “Pa’a ka waha” and “lokahi” teach us how to strengthen our relationships and listen with love to others. This encourages the constant flow of aloha in our lives.
Have aloha for yourself too
For many of us, it’s easy to love and rejoice for and with others, and yet, we rarely rejoice in our own successes. Instead, we criticize and judge ourselves for not doing or being enough. Withholding love for ourselves is the very act of creating blocks to our flow of love. It’s like we’re building our own dams by withholding love for ourselves. We can’t have a continuous flow for others if we withhold love from ourselves.
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Have hope
The spirit of aloha may sometimes feel like a thing of the past, but it isn’t. You can create paradise right where you are by living the value of aloha. If you’ve been hurt in the past, it can feel difficult at first to allow the flow of aloha to run its course in your life. But know that there is hope. There is always hope. 🙂
I hope you will be able to live the spirit of aloha in your home and life. And remember, if you don’t think you can even feel love right now, reach up to a loving Heavenly Father. He will gently remind you of how loved, valued, and beautiful you are. When you reach up to him and do your part, your river flow of aloha will become strong and deep.
Follow my 3 steps to have mercy for people (because we’re all not perfect)
There are 3 things that go through my head when I feel annoyed, impatient, or angry at someone. These 3 keys help me have ALOHA for others all the time.
Every person is a child of God. We learned this in ‘ohana. We are all God’s children so deserve to be treated that way.
Every person has pain, challenges, trials, and heartaches.
People deal with their problems the best way they know how. Sometimes a person hasn’t experienced much. Maybe they’re not as mature as you are, and so they just don’t understand. I’ve come to realize that people usually do the best they can with the knowledge and experience they have.
I hope these tips will inspire you to live more aloha. It is truly possible!
With joy and aloha,
Lei
Your turn!
How do you live aloha? Let us know in the comments below!
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I often talk about “coming from a place of love” in my articles and in my life. I figured since I talk about it so much, I should go into even more detail about what this means and how to do it.
Coming from a place of love sounds pretty self-explanatory. However, you’ll be surprised how many times I’ve invited people to come from a place of love, and instead they come from a place of fear.
There’s a scripture that says:
“Perfect love casteth out all fear.”
When we have love for others, ourselves, and God, we see things from a grander perspective. Instead of fearing change, the unknown, rejection, or other common fears of people, we see opportunity, progress, motivation, and adventure, to name a few.
Coming from a place of love puts you in a position of understanding, humility, compassion, and empathy. This is pure aloha. It basically means that you recognize fears for what they are: fears. You see that they can be overcome.
In most of my messages, I invite you to come from a place of love because when you do, you are gentler on yourself. You recognize that you have fears, weaknesses, and you make mistakes—but that isn’t the whole story. In fact, those are just pieces of the story that have helped mold you into who you are. You are an amazing, worthy, beautiful human being with the capacity to love, be loved, and to create change in your world and in the world of others.
When you come from a place of love, you show love for yourself and honor to God for his creation of the unique person of YOU. You recognize that hiccups and bumps happen all along this journey of life, but God still loves you—he always has and always will. You know that no matter your mistakes or weaknesses, he infinitely loves you—why else would he have created you? 😉
So whether you are doing a negativity detox or making an effort to show up in life, come from a place of recognize. See the big picture and recognize that this is just one part of your journey. You are a growing, progressing, and learning individual with the potential to fulfill the measure of your creation.
Probably one of the hardest things about a family falling apart is not being able to talk to anybody about it. Our breaking family may be the only thing on our mind, but when others ask, “How are you doing?” we might respond with, “I’m fine, thanks.” Deep inside, however, we feel like we’re falling apart because our families are falling apart.
Daily activities might feel exhausting because our brain are overwhelmed by the grief going on in our family.
So what do we do in these situations? When it feels like our whole world is crumbling down? Whether mom and dad are getting a divorce, a sibling is choosing a path that breaks your heart, when extended or immediate family starts to get toxic and abusive, or any other difficult family situation, how can we survive? How can we even feel joy during these times?
I’m here to share with you that there is hope. Even in the darkest of times, we can find strength, increase our faith, and discover the light that’s always deep within us.
My story: “My family is falling apart”
Before I jump into the tips, let me backtrack for just a second. My parents divorced when I was in college, so I was a little older and could process things better than a child or teenager. However, the process of the divorce was slow, ugly, and incredibly painful, like many of my readers may be experiencing. Manipulation turned into abuse. I felt trapped by poverty and the situation. Depression crept in as I felt the loneliest I’d been in my whole life. When the divorce was finalized and the abusive family member moved out, it felt like a rope around my neck had been loosened.
Now, years later, I look back at that time and ask, “How did I get through? How did I survive?”
Somehow, as my family fell apart, I managed to keep strong faith in God, work hard and thrive at school, make and earn tons of money, and reach so many of my goals. Somehow, I managed to get through stronger, tougher, yet more compassionate and kinder.
So what does this mean for you? I realize that if I could get through all that darkness, especially when it involved the most important people in my life, then you can too. Despite your circumstances, you have all you need inside you right now to get through this, to stay strong as your family falls apart. I’m sorry this is happening to you, and my heart aches for what you’re experiencing, but I can say with confidence that you can do this. God’s hand is outstretched and ready to help, and you are stronger than you ever imagined.
And please remember… your journey is what you make of it, even when your family is falling apart
Your journey will include finding true friends, processing and healing, creating meaningful relationships (including those with family members), trusting in God, and creating JOY right where you are.
The following tips will help you start from the inside out. We can’t always change our circumstances, but we can change ourselves. What happens inside of us is more important than what happens outside.
So how do you keep it together when your family is falling apart? How do you keep yourself mentally healthy and strong? From this article, I hope you gain the strength and confidence you need to take care of yourself, even when your world is falling apart.
Because, the truth is… you ARE strong, and you WILL get through this.
Seek help
First of all, if you are in danger or have been sexually or physically abused, get help from local authorities, church leaders, and/or trusted friends. If you’ve been threatened not to tell anyone, know that you have the courage within you to get help. The results that come from getting help will be far greater than sticking it out—because you don’t need to stick it out.
I know it might be hard to talk to others outside of the family. It might feel like you’re exposing some secret, or that an abuser in the household might hurt you because of it. But sometimes you don’t know the severity of our situations until you talk to someone about it.
Find someone that you can 100% trust and tell them what’s going on. Sometimes they’ll provide insights that you hadn’t previously thought of. Or sometimes they’ll give you the courage to seek help from authorities or others. Someone you can trust could be a best friend, teachers, mentors, counselors, and even doctors. Use your best judgment to determine who to trust with your information.
Be careful to avoid those who gossip and/or speak negatively about others (if someone tells you something negative about another person, they’re probably talking about you behind your back too). Those who gossip will only worsen the situation, and you don’t need that negativity in your life.
Talk to your siblings or other family members
Sometimes divorce or touchy subjects can divide a family. They create opposing views between family members, making the situation even worse. But please try to find private moments to speak with a trusted sibling or parent. It helps to have someone on the same team as you.
When stuff happens in the home, it can feel suffocating and claustrophobic–both physically and emotionally. Finding a quiet time and space to speak with a trusted family member can help release those emotions. You’re both going through this together, and, when you talk about it, you realize you’re not alone.
It doesn’t solve the solution all the time, but it helps your mental health to have some kind of emotional release.
Sometimes speaking with family members unites people. It can help them come up with solutions together. Speaking to your trusted family members in privacy can change the dynamics in your relationship. You will learn to trust your siblings (or parents) and unite together, standing strong even if the rest of your family is falling apart.
Let this trial bring you together
While the whole situation is devastating, allow yourself to look at what you can control: You can be kind to family members, talk to them, and even understand their point of view. Instead of letting the action of a family member pull everyone down, use this as an opportunity to pull the rest of your family together.
On the flip side, sometimes talking to family members causes more conflict
Sometimes speaking to a family member may cause us to feel more angry, tired, or upset, especially when our opinion differs from their opinion. Please understand that you need not fix everything right now. Sometimes our family members need space and time to process their own emotions, and figure out their own views on everything. Give them their space and, if there are no family members to talk to, remember that God always listens. Seek him in prayer and scripture study, and the answers you seek will come to you.
Write in a journal
Probably the biggest and most obvious pain point of a family that is falling apart is that you don’t have any control over the situation. You can’t control the agency of others, but you can control yourself.
Writing in a journal gives you control. It helps you process and gain clarity on the things in your life that you can control, such as your faith, your desire to be free of this situation, and your willpower to get through.
Through writing, you recognize your true desires, and that helps you use your imagination and creativity. When you’re stuck in the middle of a bad family situation, you might feel like all your hopes and dreams have been crushed.
But that’s simply not true. You can TOTALLY still reach your dreams! Journaling helps you to cope with the negative emotions–it puts all those emotions in a safe place, free from judgment and prying.
Journaling also helps you cope with the dark stuff. Write about your true, dark emotions–how low you feel, how angry the situation makes you–and then let it go. Doing so helps you see that your life won’t always be this way. You won’t always feel trapped or alone. Journaling is your escape.
Later in life I burned all of my journals in a bonfire, which was also very therapeutic. It was the final release of all those negative and dark emotions, a time in my life that I needed words on a page to relieve the words in my heart. I hope journaling can give you that relief too.
Reach out to God
A broken family and the misery that comes with it can you make you feel like God has abandoned you. For a while, I felt like God was mad at me, and this was my punishment for something I did wrong. But the truth is that I did nothing wrong, and God wasn’t punishing me. He allowed this to happen because every person has agency, including abusive or hurtful family members. I learned so much about the power of choice from my family, and I know you can too.
You might feel like God has left you all alone. Or you might feel punished for something you can’t fix. Another common plight involves feeling unworthy or having “too many problems” to get help. But please know that isn’t true. You are never too far to reach out to God. He is always there.
Looking back, I can see how he was always there—protecting me and providing tender mercies.
He is always there. If you haven’t prayed in a while, now is the best time to start. I know that once I started reaching out to a power greater than my own, I felt more strength and comfort than I thought I ever deserved. This gave me great confidence in moving forward.
If you just feel like giving up, think about the hope that the future holds. Give yourself 100% permission to dream big and set goals, because situations of unhappiness and brokenness will push and motivate you harder and further than you EVER imagined. Some of the most successful people have started with nothing, but their stories are inspiring.
For me, I really wanted to serve an 18-month church mission and graduate from college in 3 years. I had my timeline set out perfectly so I could one day be a writer and just have a functioning home (that was my big dream—running water and electricity). At the start of my college life, I was sick of the abuse at home, so I did something about it: I got a job. And then I eventually got two more jobs.
I worked 3 jobs while earning the max number of college credits per semester. Then I volunteered at my church and worked closely with my professors to keep myself on track. In the middle of all of this, I won awards and scholarships– which I used to better take care of myself and save for the future. I participated in the English club on campus and I worked out every. single. day.
It won’t be easy, but it will be worth it
Can you see the push? Firstly, I overbooked myself so I was never at home. That meant less time around the toxic family situation. Secondly, working towards my goals gave me purpose and, more importantly, hope. Hope! It is such a beautiful and high-energy word.
If you write goals and stay laser focused on them, you can do it. They will give you the hope and the elevation you need to rise above your circumstances. YOU are taking the steps to control your life.
By staying laser focused on my goals, I was totally able to earn my bachelor’s degree in 3 years, and serve an 18 month church mission in the Philippines. I was so proud of myself! I did all of that with my own laser focus, and help from God. No matter how big your goals and dreams are, you CAN do it!
If I can offer one last word of advice to you as your family is falling apart, it would be to keep your spirit and body healthy and strong. It’s ok to listen to sad music when you feel sad. I actually allowed myself to listen to one or two sad songs but I had to follow those up with some happier and more upbeat songs. Your spirit needs nourishment just as much as your body. You need to acknowledge the pain and validate it, especially if there isn’t someone there to validate you.
However, if I can influence you with all of the good intentions and energy in my heart… please don’t resort to drugs or alcohol. Don’t resort to binge-watching shows or playing video games. And please don’t resort to watching things like pornography. While these “seemingly harmless” forms of entertainment promise you immediate relief and escape, they will entice you until you have formed addictive habits.
Please take care of yourself. It’s ok to grieve and to feel sad for a moment, but please also feed your soul. You are much stronger than the circumstances around you. If you find that you’ve dug yourself into the hole of addiction, please seek help. There are great resources out there to help you overcome this addiction.
Even when your family is falling apart, even when you feel broken, there is always hope.
Create paradise where you are
The last tip is to create paradise where you are. I grew up in Hawaii but lived in poverty, experienced abuse, and had a lot of trauma from it. It doesn’t matter where you live, or what circumstances you’re in… it’s up to YOU to create your paradise.
I’ve added a brief list of Hawaiian values that can help you create paradise where you are. Check out just a few of the many below:
I want to end by sending you lots of aloha and good vibes. If you are looking for additional ways to raise your vibe and live an aloha life—a life of wellness—please consider taking my free 5 Hawaiian Days to Wellness Mini Course.
I hope these tips helped! If you think of any other helpful tips, please comment below as it will help others on their journey!
Aloha literally means “the breath of life.” When a person is born into this world, they take their first ha, or their first breath. When a person departs from this world, they breathe their last ha. The word marks the significant and deep moments of reflection, the moments where the only thing that matters is the love and the tenderness of the relationships formed in this life. It’s no wonder, then, that western culture has redefined the word aloha as meaning “hello, goodbye, and ‘I love you.’”
Aloha marks the life and death of a person, but it means more than just “hello” and “goodbye.” The tenderness of feelings that accompany these two significant life events, birth and death, remind us that this truly is our one life to live. We have one chance to breathe love, to breathe goodness, and to breathe light to others.
Thus, aloha is the breath of life. It is the kind of unconditional love that surpasses superficial personalities and weak character. No matter what, a person who lives with aloha has integrity and humility. They understand that nobody is perfect, and every person needs to be loved. They love others just as they love themselves. People are attracted to them—not because they are popular, but because they emit beautiful and pure energy. They are like lights in a dark room. They give love and they receive love.
This way of living aloha is to breathe life, not to just survive life. Those who live aloha appreciate this life. They appreciate the challenges as much as the good times. Aloha becomes them and, in return of their giving aloha, aloha is returned to them. They live a happy life, a peaceful life, and a beautiful aloha life.
The Aloha Challenge
Aloha begins at the core of each person. It begins with a raw, but gentle, evaluation of who we are now. Here are some questions to ask yourself to find out where you are in living aloha.
Do I listen to others with the intent to respond?
Do I seek to be heard before listening?
Am I assumptive about the needs of others before asking?
Do I build myself up by pointing out the flaws of others?
Am I selective with the people I choose to love?
Do I compare myself to others?
Am I happy for other peoples’ successes?
Am I happy for my own accomplishments?
Do I talk negatively to and about myself?
Do I talk negatively to and about my spouse (if applicable)?
Am I usually on my phone when I’m around people?
If you answered NO to most of these questions, you are off to a great start. If you answered YES to all, most, or some of these questions, you are in the company of many others who struggle to truly LIVE with LOVE.
In this day and age, we are surrounded by advertising and media falsely marketing that you can be happy if you have this or that. Companies and people make empty promises to hook you in and distract you from the things that matter the most.
People who live aloha can easily recognize and avoid these traps. They recognize that this life isn’t about owning the latest gadgets and clothes. It isn’t about finding the faults of others and living their lives based off an old hurt. Challenges and pains happen to everyone, but those who live aloha have respect for their own personal lives. They live with love, meaning that they breathe love for themselves, for others, and for God. They learn to overcome these obstacles and allow the obstacles to make them stronger.
The challenge, therefore, is simple.
List 5 things that are THE MOST important to you.
Share your list with a trusted friend, and discuss with them why you feel this way. If they feel that your priorities are off, listen and evaluate yourself, referring back to the questions listed above. Ask yourself, do I invest enough time and energy to the things that matter most to me?
Challenge yourself for the next three days with this: For every negative thing you say or think—either about yourself or others—say or think of two positive things to replace the negative. See how long you can keep it up until you are free of negative thoughts.
Make a conscious effort to smile more.
Do something kind for yourself (BONUS if you ask your spouse to help!).
Share Your Story
Every person has a unique story, and we’d love to hear yours! How have you felt while doing this challenge? Was there anything that was challenging to you? Was there anything that truly inspired you? Be sure to share in our Hawaii Vibe Tribe Facebook group or use the hashtag #HIVibe! Replying and commenting on others is also another wonderful way to keep the vibe HI!
Much love,
Lei
Extra: My Story
Staring at the waves as a little girl, I felt so vulnerable. They crashed and crashed, rolling up against my legs and surrounding my ankles with their cool touch. I felt great energy from the water, and I knew that others who visited Hawaii felt the same. There was something so enlightening, so chaotic—and yet so peaceful—about the ocean.
I always thought about the ocean as the best metaphor of my life. In my adult years, it is so fascinating to reflect back on all the things I’ve gone through. My life was crazy and calm. There were moments of deep sadness and moments I felt like I had wings to fly. I experienced painful trauma and I experienced sweet peace.
However, throughout all of it, I remember one thing: I had to live with love. I didn’t adapt the word aloha until my teen years, but I recognized, from an early age, that every person suffers in one way or another. Every person has a story. I also realized that, like the ocean, our stories make us feel vulnerable. They’re unpredictable, beautiful, and ugly all at the same time. But when we truly learn to share our stories and participate in the human experience, giving and receiving love, we learn to live. We learn aloha, to breathe life.
I hope that this challenge will encourage you to start recognizing the things that matter most, and to start prioritizing your life according to those things.
And just a quick tip… I know that taking care of yourself first is crucial to loving others. For the longest time I just gave and gave all the love I could away. I’d go home alone, depressed, and I’d cry a lot. The only people I could turn to as a young adult were my older sister and God. I learned that giving love is wonderful, but you need to receive love too—from God, from others, and, importantly, from yourself. It is a process, but don’t forget to take care of yourself too. We need you. 🙂
This is a post from my retired blog, Lost on Da Mainland. Minor edits and changes have been made to improve the message and content.
One of my coworkers once said something that really made me think–and it wasn’t even related to feelings or thoughts. He always wears sweaters, and at the beginning of the week, when he wore a sweater and the weather was still drenched in the summer heat, I asked how he could stand it. He said, “I must be broken because I always want to wear a sweater, whether it’s hot or cold.” When he talked about his cat, he said, “He must be broken because he eats trash and throws up.”
It wasn’t even the cat or the sweaters that got me thinking about the subject of this article, but it was the word he chose to use: broken.
Broken
Everyone is broken. There is some kind of heartache, pain, or sickness that everyone is battling inside–even if they seem like the happiest people. I know that I personally have become so good at putting on a face that people can’t even tell when I’m hurting inside. Everyone is broken, and that’s why I decided to write this. It’s because kindness counts and it pays off, no matter what.
In Hawaii, I’ve always felt this sense of kindness, and that’s in the aloha spirit. It permeates the air in Hawaii, breathes through the lives of the people, and exhibits itself in acts of service and goodwill. In a book I’m currently reading, Managing with Aloha, Rosa Say speaks to my heart when she describes aloha.
As far back as I can remember, Aloha surrounded me, it was the grandfather of all the other values I’d come to learn, woven into my culture and thus my character. It was a feeling connected to family and community, comforting and familiar, yet unobtrusive, a sort of color that warmed up the background of everything. Aloha was just there, it wasn’t something we talked about much, it was more a way of living that you grew up with–and everyone else assumed you grew up that way. It was good, and it was right.
We don’t talk about aloha a lot because it’s just there. When you’re in Hawaii, it’s just there. And without it, the world can get lonely, cold, and even hopeless. There needs to be more aloha in this world. It is kindness in everyday thoughts and actions. This past weekend my little sister got married and I had enough experiences to convince me that kindness is vital to living a happy, meaningful, and beautiful life. When I was with my family, my sister’s new in-laws, and family friends, I could clearly see the value of being kind, no matter what. So I’ve put together a few of my thoughts on kindness, and why it matters.
You never know what someone is going through
Even if you’re having a terrible day, you never know what the person next to you is dealing with, which is why kindness is so important. The golden rule is to treat others how you want to be treated. I’ve been genuinely surprised by how people have treated me. I work at a call center (oh so glamorous), so you can imagine the levels of rudeness in people that I deal with. They call the company for help with their products, but sometimes they are incredibly degrading, belittling, and impatient.
Today was the first time I actually started crying and couldn’t finish a call. I was so tired from the wedding weekend and feeling overwhelmed with life that the rudeness of the customer was just the tipping point for me. You never know what people are going through, and kindness goes a long way. Tone says a lot. Body language says a lot. Countenance says a lot. But even something as small as a smile is enough to brighten another person’s day. 🙂
Kindness is a mark of maturity
No matter how old a person is, kindness quickly reveals a person’s level of maturity. When confronting someone who is contentious, impatient, or angry, it’s easy to get heated and fight back. Kindness is knowing how to fight back or walk away without losing the aloha spirit inside of you. This is a hard balance, but I feel like I’m mastering it. I have a lot of close friends that I’ve made over the years, and sometimes I’m just so busy with life and trying to keep on top of things that I lose touch with them.
It’s interesting to see how some of them lash out at me, guilt-tripping me for not working around their schedules to get together, or not responding as quickly as they’d like. I feel like this is unfair and, honestly, unkind, because when I want to get together with a close friend and they can’t work with my schedule or timing, I’m super chill about it (might be that I’m just an island, go-with-the-flow, you do you kind of girl). People are busy, but it doesn’t mean that I don’t love them or that I’m not interested in their lives. Kindness is knowing how to treat these kinds of situations–especially the ones where you have no control–with grace and patience. There’s nothing to get heated over. It is true maturity to act with kindness, no matter the age, from a little child to a senior citizen.
Kindness helps you feel better about yourself
I think a lot of people are mindless. When you are in the stores, at a restaurant, or even driving, people are on their phones or being aggressive to get what they want before anyone else. Kindness is about being mindful, and being patient when there are lines, when things aren’t working out, or when someone is taking a while to do something. Kindness is looking up at people and making eye contact and smiling or interacting with the cashier at the store. It’s holding the door open for the mom with her stroller or sharing a laugh with another driver when they catch you singing in the car. Kindness is saying hi to the frequent people you see at the gym, the library, or the school. It’s being a conscious and safe driver, even when everyone else is speeding or cutting you off. Being mindful makes you feel better, so in the end, kindness is not only helping someone else, it’s helping you.
It makes the world a better place
In the very end, kindness makes the world warmer, meaningful, and a better place for everyone, as cliche as that sounds. I know that I try really hard to be kind. I’m not perfect–and nobody is–but I feel that as I’ve made a conscious effort to be kind to everyone, it’s helped me be a happier person. I feel like my life has more purpose and that I can be proud of myself in the very end. I can die knowing that I tried, and that even if people were rude to me or intentionally caused me harm, I responded with the fire of the aloha in my heart. If everyone tried a little more to be a little kinder, just think how much better the world would be!!! 🙂
So what are you going to do to be kind? Comment below!
E komo mai! 🌺 I am the author of Aloha State of Mind, a self help book that teaches you how to create paradise wherever you are. My blog, Naturally Aloha, focuses on all things Hawaii: culture, values, food, lifestyle, and more. I hope my writing inspires you to carry aloha with you everywhere! Learn more…
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