Negativity is a fact of life because we all experience negative thoughts at one point or another. It’s ok to have them, but if you continue to feed them they can turn into more serious problems like depression or anxiety. If you already have a mental illness then you know that negativity is the common plight—it’s as if it never seems to go away. I’ve found that doing a negativity detox really helped me overcome my depression and to this day it makes my life more enjoyable and satisfying.
When I choose positivity and remove the negativity, I reach my goals quicker because I’m more motivated, excited, and happy. I am more creative and I have more capacity to share light and serve others.
To do a negativity detox, I’ve outlined the simple steps here. To be completely honest, these “simple” steps are MUCH easier said than done. They might take time and practice, but with the intention to change, I know you can do it. I also invite you to come from a place of love. We are often too hard on ourselves, criticizing our every move. Instead of demeaning yourself for mistakes or weaknesses, come from a place of love in recognizing that there is always room for improvement and change. So read on to learn how to do a thorough negativity detox and invite the light and aloha back into your life!
Get grounded
Often we are in our own little headspace, so wrapped up in what’s going on up there that we can’t even focus on what’s really going on in reality. This usually occurs when we feel like we made a mistake, don’t look good, or have a personal weakness that’s hard to overcome.
First of all, you look great. 🙂 Secondly, we all make mistakes and we all have weaknesses—it’s just a fact of life. However, the problem comes when we start replaying our flaws over and over in our heads. We analyze our every move, our every intention…
It’s OK to evaluate yourself and seek to improve but it’s not ok to bash on yourself for it. Definitely make things right if you hurt someone, but from what I’m guessing, you’re like me and bash on yourself for the littlest things: “Did I say the right thing?” “Why did I wear that?” “I looked so stupid…”
The negative self talk can go on and on—I know it because I’ve been there! When you start getting trapped in the headspace, put both feet on the ground, take a deep breath, and then STOP. Consciously stop the negative thoughts right in their tracks.
Continue taking deep breaths. Allow the negative energy to leave your body and replace them with positive, affirmative sentences like, “You did your best out there” or “You look great” or “I learned a valuable lesson.”
Say whatever you need to get the positive energy back. Too often we take the magnifying glass and zoom up on our flaws and weaknesses. Let’s get grounded by taking conscious hold of the magnifying glass and viewing the good things we do.
Align with your purpose
Negativity loves it when we lack purpose. I remember, as a new piano teacher at a local music school, I learned a piano teaching method totally out of my comfort zone. My first few weeks of teaching were difficult. I felt unprepared and didn’t understand the WHY behind some of the piano methods and activities.
When our trainer came to town, we, the piano teachers, loaded him with questions about the curriculum and how it could possibly work. He finally paused us and asked, “Whenever you teach something to your students, ask yourself: ‘What is the purpose?’”
That made me think a lot. Because I didn’t know the purpose–the WHY– behind some of the class activities, it brought negativity in the feelings of uncertainty, insecurity, and discouragement. This also applies to our life. If we just go about everyday, not knowing what our purpose is, then how can we be happy? How can we feel meaningful and satisfied?
I’ve gotten into the habit of frequently asking myself, “How can I fulfill the measure of my creation?” I know that God created me for a reason, and that I have an influence to change the world… but I don’t always know how, so I listen to impressions I receive and follow through with them. I intentionally try to align with my purpose everyday.
I do things that feel right and will influence me in the long term. For me, these things include service, creativity, writing, exercising, and learning. Of course there are things that need to get done like laundry and dishes, but those also help me align with my purpose by providing a clean, organized space for me to create. The mundane tasks also help me to stay disciplined with time. As you align with your purpose, you feel the WHY behind your life and give reason to the things you do. This removes negativity as you finally hit your “feel good” spot, the point where you’re doing what you were created to do.
Collect + Create good energy
There is too much negative energy in the world. Hatred, anger, grudges, guilt… those are all negative feelings. Of course you can turn to Christ for repentance, but we can also learn to avoid the negativity in the first place.
I invite you to evaluate things in your life that bring bad energy. One very clear example of bad energy comes in the form of gossiping. Since I was a little girl, I hated gossip—hate is a very strong word, but I just absolutely loathed it, and I still do. Living in Hawaii, I could hear family gossiping in the kitchen about other family members.
They snickered and mocked appearances, living conditions, and lifestyle choices. I naturally distrusted them for this very reason. Growing up I avoided gossip at all costs. When friends or acquaintances started gossiping, I’d say something positive about the person they talked about and then change the subject.
The energy always changed when I changed the subject. It went from this dark, low, sickly form of energy to positive, empowering energy. There’s an old Cherokee story I heard a while ago that goes like this:
“A fight is going on inside me,” An old Cherokee man said to his grandson.
“It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil – he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.”
He continued, “The other is good – he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you – and inside every other person, too.”
The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, “Which wolf will win?”
The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”
I don’t think this needs much explanation—it beautifully illustrates exactly how I feel about creating and collecting good energy. I hope you have the wisdom to consciously choose wisely.
Have an attitude of gratitude
The scriptures frequently say to “pray always without ceasing,” and that seems like an exhausting thought. However, I’ve found that praying without ceasing can mean just having a prayer of gratitude in my heart. In my actions and thoughts, I can express tender appreciation for the many little things he’s given me.
If you need to, write lists of things you’re grateful for. Or, in your personal prayers, just do a full prayer of gratitude. You’ll be surprised at how an attitude of gratitude can help you rise above the negativity.
Surround yourself with good things
I am a fan of beautiful things like nature, poetic writing, and peaceful music. I also love being involved in good activities like service to my spouse, family, neighbors, church, community, and my online community (you!). When you surround yourself with positive, wholesome, uplifting people and activities, you become that. Make time to surround yourself with the wonderful and good things in life.
Watch your thoughts
Like the story about the Cherokee man and his grandson, we can choose our thoughts. Obviously we aren’t immune to things we just happen to experience, like seeing pornography on social media or surviving the abuse from someone else, but we can choose how we react to our experiences. Do you feed the things you’ve seen or experienced? Or do you to choose to let them go and continue forward?
Reliving past hurts can cause negativity too. It can truly stop your growth. I know too many people paralyzed by the pain of a breakup, a divorce, or a perceived failure. These life experiences hurt terribly, but don’t let that be your life story. Learn to rise above the negative thoughts and see things for what they really are. If you feel negatively towards someone, try sending good energy their way. Forgiveness is truly a gift from God.
Seek spirituality
I’ve found that my hope and happiness stem from my faith in Jesus Christ. Knowing who he is, learning about him, and constantly striving to follow his example has brought me the greatest satisfaction in life. If I intentionally seek spirituality, my life is so much better.
Having a morning routine of couple and personal prayer, scripture study, and exercise really gets me into the right mindset for the day. I feel empowered knowing that God loves and approves of me. I know the same can happen for you!
Find balance
Sometimes we become negative by doing too much or too little of something. For example, if we exercise too little, we can gain weight, causing lack of confidence… which leads to negativity towards ourselves. Another example is if we do too much of something—like scrolling through social media—then we become negative and even depressed anytime we can’t do it.
Addictions also cause a huge imbalance for the body and mind. Addiction to drugs, alcohol, pornography, or other degrading and harmful habits can truly degrade the soul and cause darkness in our lives. Addictions cause blindness to the things that matter most in life… because all a person can feel is their desire to have more of the addiction. If you need help with an addiction, I encourage you to seek help.
If your addiction is to something like social media, shopping, Netflix, or food, you can still seek help by getting an accountability buddy, someone who you can account to at the end of the day or week.
By overcoming addictions and finding balance in our lives, we have more capacity to see things from a grander perspective. We see that in order to remove negativity, we need a healthy balance in our lives.
In Conclusion
I know that by following these steps you can bring the positivity and good energy back into your life. These strategies have blessed my life, especially in believing and knowing that we create our destiny. No matter the life circumstances, trauma, mental illness, or abuse, the negativity doesn’t have to last forever. We can create our future by grounding ourselves, having an attitude of gratitude, aligning with our purpose, collecting good energy, seeking spirituality, surrounding ourselves with beautiful and good things, and finding balance.
I wish you love and light on your journey. If you want to join my little tribe of people seeking to improve themselves, be sure to hop onto my instagram @ladyleialoha!
Sending all love + good vibes,
Lei
P.S. If you want to do more for your wellness and positivity, I’ve created a free class to help you strengthen your character, improve relationships, and attain overall wellness! Click here to learn more!
Depression brings on many suicidal thoughts, but one thing I’ve found, as someone with high functioning depression, is that suicidal thoughts don’t always mean you want to commit suicide. Thinking about death just seems to be a common plight of those with depression.
I find myself thinking about death quite often, but I don’t want to die, and I don’t want to commit suicide. However, in reflecting on this I realized that I’m not the only one with this problem. In talking to close friends and family who have depression or anxiety, I discovered that they sometimes experience suicidal thoughts too.
So whether you are hanging by a thread or wondering what to do about those thoughts, here are some tips to help you.
Tell someone
Seek help right away if it’s serious. If you are planning a suicide or forming ways you can carry it out, call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255 or a trusted family member or friend. If you are just thinking about suicide but not acting on it, please, please, please still talk to someone.
The first time I talked to my husband about it, he was blown away. He had no idea that I thought those kinds of things. I told him about the various scenarios that would come up and the times that they occurred. Just talking to him about it took a load off my shoulders and helped me not feel so alone. I also tell him each time I have suicidal thoughts so that he can offer assistance if it gets worse for me.
Just letting someone know that you’re having those thoughts, like a spouse or trusted friend, and helping them understand the level of severity will help you. I feel like I see things more clearly when I just tell someone what I’m thinking and can let that load off.
Write about it
Just as talking to someone helps lighten the load, writing about it can too. As a college student in Utah, I felt like I had absolutely nobody to talk to. I didn’t have any trusted friends, and my sisters lived 4 hours away. So I opened up a word document and typed out all of my feelings. Seeing them on written down felt pretty cleansing, as though I could now release all of them. I believe you will feel the same way if you write down your feelings.
Discover your triggers
I don’t always think about death and dying. In fact, I noticed that these thoughts are usually triggered by something else. Extreme stress, fatigue, hunger, and even just random things that people do or say can trigger the suicidal thoughts.
So in addition to the tip before (writing about it), record things that happened before you started having the suicidal thoughts. Did someone say something or treat you a certain way? Were you totally stressed out? Did you feel overwhelmed by something?
By writing down the things that trigger the suicidal thoughts, it makes it easier to know what to avoid and/or let go.
Don’t dwell on it
Suicidal thoughts can last for days. The longest I’ve had to deal with them was probably about 2 weeks, but for some people with severe depression, it can be even longer.
The key to letting go of the suicidal thoughts is to stop dwelling on it. I know that’s hard to say when your brain keeps moving it back to the front of your brain, but as you practice controlling your thoughts and learning strategies to cope, you strengthen your willpower. It makes it easier to stop thinking about suicidal thoughts in the future when you choose it.
Practice self-awareness
Self awareness means that you are conscious of your thoughts, character, and behaviors. Lack of self awareness can make you feel numb, leading to confusion, hopelessness, and even suicide itself.
There are ways to develop self-awareness, such as thinking about thinking.
Really listen to your thoughts and your brain. An example of an internal conversation might look like this. “What am I thinking? Are my thoughts reasonable? If they aren’t, do I have the emotional and mental capacity to be reasonable at the moment? If not, who can I go to for help?”
Let your thoughts be the servant and you the master. You tell them what to think and do.
Don’t be alone
I’ve found that suicidal thoughts stick their ugly heads up when I’m alone. It seems to know that I’m the most vulnerable when I’m alone. I listen to them because I’m not paying attention to something else or being with someone else.
Don’t get me wrong on this. It’s totally ok to be alone, and I enjoy some quiet time to myself. But if you have severe suicidal thoughts, it’s best to find someone and tell them, or reach out to someone. I text my husband and tell him how I’m feeling but I always reassure him that I’m ok because I am self aware and know that the feelings aren’t severe.
I hope something here has helped you with your suicidal thoughts. Thinking about death isn’t something to be afraid of, and you shouldn’t feel bad that those things crop up. However, it is SO important to get the help you need, whether it’s talking to a counselor, friend, family member, church leader, or just calling the suicide prevention hotline.
Developing skills of self awareness and avoiding or overcoming triggers can help you dodge or even completely eliminate suicidal thoughts in the long run.
I am sending all the good vibes and hope your way as you continue your journey through this!
Lots of aloha,
Lei
P.S. If you want to dig a little deeper into strengthening your character to deal with these kinds of things, sign up for my free mini course, 5 Hawaiian Days to Wellness! I promise you’ll love it! And it’s FREE!
Summer brings memories of pool parties, popsicles, barbeques, watermelon, and the hot sun. For those suffering from mental illness, however, summer can quickly become a depressing cycle of feeling left out, alone, and downright miserable. It feels like your summer has no joy. It can also feel like there is something wrong with everything, especially yourself.
To get out of the summer funk, try these 10 tips for a joy-infused summer.
Get outside more
It’s really hot outside during the summer, but that’s a great reason to get out! If you can spend even just 15-20 minutes in the sun, the natural vitamins it provides you can help you feel so much better. One great way to get outside is to go swimming because it’s the perfect combo of hot (the sun) and cool (the water). If you’re not feeling confident because you don’t have the so-called “summer body”, look at it as an opportunity to start loving yourself at this point of your journey.
Plan a trip
This doesn’t have to be a huge, fancy trip. Even just a trip up your local canyon to camp or to a nearby town is good enough. Summer is a great time to travel, and the adventure of traveling can do wonders for your mental health. It can also help you create new, fun memories! Now that’s a joyful summer!
Eat good food
Summer has some of the best foods, from barbecues to ice cream and watermelon. Prepare a special meal this summer for yourself or for others. Serving yourself and others can bring satisfaction and joy into your life.
Take more pictures
These can be selfies, wildlife, nature… anything! Create memories by taking more pictures this summer.
Find water
As a Hawaii girl, I’m always looking for large bodies of water. I absolutely love being near water because 1) it’s beautiful, 2) it’s calming, and 3) it cools me off. Like the first tip, get outside more and stay cool by finding water. It can be a pool, a lake, a reservoir, or the ocean… but find water and play, relax, and enjoy the sun. Don’t forget the sunscreen though! 😛
Try something new
In a nearby town or city, find a new skill to learn or try. There are many fun activities to do that don’t cost very much. Bowling, ax throwing, making art, ceramics, etc are a few of the many fun things you can try. When I lived by myself as a college student, I appreciated that the city had lots of fun things to do. One of the fun things was a chocolate tasting tour. If you’re feeling down, that’s definitely a pick-me-up!
Get enough sleep
Summer days go on forever. The sun rises early and sets late at night, so it’s easy to stay out super late. However, the inconsistency of your schedule can cause a lot of problems—physically, mentally, and emotionally. Be sure to stick to a routine. A late night every once in a while is ok, but every night will keep you feeling drained.
Sleep under the stars
I had the recent experience of sleeping under the stars at Lake Powell. I marveled at their beauty and felt humbled by my experience. It helped remind me of my sense of place. If you feel down and don’t feel like you belong, sleeping under the stars will remind you of a loving God watching over you. That’s enough to boost the joy for your summer and refresh you for the fall and winter months ahead!
Spend a little more time with people
(and less time on the screen)
Our phones take up so much of our lives and time, so unplug for a day or two. Spend more time with people you love and enjoy being with. People have a little more time during the summer to do things, so schedule some dinners or activities to build your relationships. If the thought of getting together with others feels overwhelming, then take it one step at a time. Maybe get together with just one close friend and work your way up to getting together with a few people.
Keep a journal
With all of the memories you’re making this summer, keep record of it. You will be so grateful to look back at the pictures, your feelings, and the activities you did this summer—including the hard stuff you went through. Keeping a journal provides you with an outlet for the good, the bad, and the ugly. But it can mostly help you focus on the most important things in your life. After all, the quote goes:
The most important things in life aren’t things.
As you continue your journey this summer, I hope you can use these tips to bring more joy into your life! Even if you’re at a very difficult point in your life, know that there is always something to feel mahalo for and something that can bring you joy.
I send all the aloha and good vibes your way for a joy-infused summer!
No matter what kind or level of sadness, it is incredibly hard to deal with depression. Some days are better than others, but when depression hits hard, it hits really hard.
The inability to think, feel, or even speak can leave you feeling worthless, unloved, and so alone. It feels like nobody can understand the grief and that nobody cares—even if you know that people care.
As someone who suffers from high functioning depression, I want to share some of the strategies I’ve used to deal with depression. I am not a doctor or therapist and cannot guarantee these tips will work but these are things that have worked for me. Please also note that I have not taken any medication to help with my depression—I deal with it solely through the tips I will share below.
Exercise
If you can do something as simple and short as a 30 minute workout, this signals to your body your subconscious (or conscious) decision to take care of yourself. For some people, like me, exercise is an outlet and an amazing way to deal with depression. I am motivated to workout because I know it will relieve stress. However, some days, when I’m not feeling motivated, I literally have to drag my feet to get working out… But I always do it because I know I will feel better.
For some people, exercise is probably the last thing they can think about. Just getting out of bed is a chore. However, in the moments that you don’t want to workout, I want you to visualize what it would feel like if you did workout. Visualize how you’d feel after the workout—you might be sore, but what about the satisfaction that you gain from getting out some sweat and having your heart pump? What about the satisfaction of just taking care of your body?
Each time I don’t want to workout, I take a couple of minutes to visualize how I will feel after a workout. This helps me focus on something else, as opposed to the feelings of sadness and hopelessness, and I begin to see that I can totally do a workout and the satisfaction and benefits from it are totally worth it!
Eat healthy
I used to not eat very healthy because I was so poor. I ate whatever I could get my hands on, or whatever was the cheapest thing I could find. This contributed to a lack of energy and a lack of self worth. For example, I would eat half a snickers bar for lunch, and the other half for dinner because I was just so poor. I would have a short whiff of energy from the sugar, but then I’d be sluggish and tired the rest of the day. Also, even though I worked out everyday, I could not get rid of the pooch or extra body fat because of the food I ate. I knew that this was not a healthy and sustainable lifestyle, so I got a job—well, 3 jobs. The work provided better food.
I actually started packing sandwiches and apples, made sure to drink plenty of water, and ate snacks throughout the day (as much as I could afford). These small changes significantly impacted my energy levels. To this day I try to pack snacks and keep myself fed because hunger can be a trigger for depression.
Try to get to know your body and eat intuitively. Some people with depression don’t eat at all, and some eat too much. Find a healthy balance, follow some healthy food bloggers, and then get cooking. You will be surprised how big a difference that healthy eating can make for your depression.
Become more spiritual
My belief in God has literally saved my life plenty of times. I won’t lie: I’ve had suicidal thoughts. I’ve thought about dying more days of my life than I’m comfortable admitting. But every time I’m at a low, I pray to God and ask him to help me see clearly, or at least have the energy to get through whatever I’m doing.
You will be surprised how comforting and how merciful God is. I’ve learned on a deeply spiritual level that God always wants to help us, and he never forgets us. If you are depressed, I encourage you with all of my heart to turn to God for help and answers. If you haven’t prayed before, or don’t know where to start, then
Journal
When I get depressed, I pull out my journal and write. I write everything that I’m thinking and feeling, even the thoughts about death. As someone with high functioning depression, I seem normal and functioning, but my head always feels like a puzzle and most times I feel soooo sad when I should be happy.
When these moments come, I just write everything. Having my jumbled thoughts written on paper (or on a doc on my laptop) somehow helps me organize my thoughts and deal with depression. What seemed like such abstract and complicated situations become doable, and I begin to see clearly. I recognize the things I can control, and the things I can’t control. I let go of the things I can’t control, and as soon as I do that, a weight is lifted off my shoulders.
This has helped me significantly deal with depression because we are our worst critics. Depression makes me feel like I’m not good enough, that I’ve caused all the problems, and that the world would be better off without me. Writing about all of this gives me a good cry, but then it’s all out on paper and I don’t have to think about it anymore. In Hawaii, we say the word “pau” for finished. The thoughts are literally pau because you wrote them all out and you can now continue from a fresh slate. Sure, you might have the same feelings again, but for now you can let those things go.
I always end my journal entries with a positive and uplifting quote or beautiful picture. Putting something positive or beautiful in my journal is like the calm after the storm. I can let things go and continue from a state of peace and love.
Go out in nature
Being from Hawaii, it should come as no surprise that people are so happy because we have access to the sun and to the beach. The beach provides blue space and refreshment. The sun provides Vitamin D and general warmth (I’ve always described the sun as feeling like a “hug from nature”—which is so important for depression, especially if you are constantly alone) for your physical body. However, not everyone has access to a beach. When I moved to the mainland, this was probably one of the hardest things for me.
I missed my turtle friends and the convenience of the healing powers of ocean water and waves. Longing for the sun during the winter months (I have seasonal depression too), I had to find another way to enjoy nature—and I did. To cope with all of this, I long walks—mostly by rivers. I also tried to sunbathe as much as possible, because this warmth reminded me of the Hawaiian sun. More recently, hiking and jogging outside has helped me a ton.
Whatever you need to do to get you some fresh air and sun—do it! 🙂
Replace negativity with positivity
Depression makes you have sooooo many negative thoughts, and they’re all directed at YOU. Words like this pop up: “You’re worthless.” “Nobody loves you.” “Everybody would be better off without you.” Can you feel the negativity in those words? The energy just dulls, and the vibe just dies a little. Something I’ve had to do is replace all of these negative thoughts—and sometimes you can write these things down.
Here are some examples to replace the negative thoughts…
“I am of great worth—to myself, to God, and to (insert name here—for me it’s always my husband). I have great things to offer.”
“I am loved by God, who is a loving Heavenly Father, and my (insert person here).”
Can you feel the energy rise in these statements? Can you feel the calm and relaxation in your spirit? Negativity disconnects and limits our ability to be and feel spiritual. The more we replace the negative thoughts, the more connected we feel with ourselves, with God, and with others.
I want to finish by adding a word of encouragement and good will as you deal with depression. As impossible as it may feel to be happy while in the depths of depression, there is hope. YOU can choose your path, and while depression makes it EXTRA hard to choose a path of happiness and light, you can do it! Your external circumstances can’t determine what happens inside of you. I am sending all the love, aloha, and good vibes that I can your way. You are loved. You are of worth. And you can do this!
Lots and lots of aloha,
Lei
Comment below some of the strategies you’ve used to deal with your depression. I’d love to hear them and I reply to every comment! 🙂
When you are depressed, it can feel as though life has lost all purpose. You may wonder, “what is the point?” Or you may just feel completely hopeless. Depression does a great job of confusing the mind and making simple concepts and ideas–or even simple scenarios in your life–feel like complex and complicated experiences.
The following sentences can help ground you in these moments when you are depressed. These simple statements can remind you of your purpose, your value, and your life.
Reading these sentences aloud or in your head can give you the refocus and refresh you need to rise above the depression.
I am stronger than the wrongs that have been done to me.
I am stronger than my challenges.
I can choose my path.
I can enjoy my journey.
I am grateful for where I am right now.
I am grateful for the things I have.
I choose life.
I will allow myself to feel happiness.
I will allow myself to grieve.
I will allow myself to enjoy my life, not just endure.
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E komo mai! 🌺 I am the author of Aloha State of Mind, a self help book that teaches you how to create paradise wherever you are. My blog, Naturally Aloha, focuses on all things Hawaii: culture, values, food, lifestyle, and more. I hope my writing inspires you to carry aloha with you everywhere! Learn more…
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