Growing up in Hawaii, I learned a lot of common sayings from locals, but one saying really applies to those moments you don’t like yourself, or when I didn’t like myself. One of these sayings is, “Is all good.” People would say this for everything—when you made a mistake, when you forgot something, when there was an accident, when you tripped, when you stammered on your words… and to be honest, it was all good.
But, for some reason, we seem to dwell on the bad things about ourselves, and to us, things really aren’t “all good.” Because we’re only human, there are reasons we don’t like ourselves. Perhaps we learned beliefs from our parents, who said things about themselves, and we internalized it into ourselves. Perhaps we suffered from abuse, neglect, trauma, or some other grief in life, and that changed our mind into thinking, “I don’t like myself” or “I don’t deserve anything good in life” or “I won’t ever be happy.”
This article talks about the top reasons you don’t like yourself, and then how to stop. Why is it important to know the reasons you don’t like yourself? When you begin to understand your thought processes and your beliefs about yourself (which are usually false), then you begin to realize that you are of infinite worth. You have full permission to like—even love—yourself because a Heavenly Father already loves you so much, and he created you as uniquely YOU. You can’t be replaced by anyone, and when you see that, anything is possible. You deserve joy, grace, and love.
So here are the top reasons you don’t like yourself…
You compare yourself and your life to others
This is the most obvious reason you might not like yourself. When you scroll through social media and see others (especially peers) who have so much success, and you don’t have those same results, it can feel crushing. It can feel like you you’re doing something wrong, or you’re just not rich, pretty, skinny, etc enough. Basically you feel like you “aren’t enough” and that you never will be. But that’s simply not true. You ARE enough, and you always have been. You have a unique mission here on this earth, different from the girl you see on social media, different from your neighbor, or the lady at church. You are beautifully YOU! 😀
You have suffered through a lot of darkness
Mental illness, such as depression and anxiety can really cause feelings of dislike for yourself. With depression, you can feel hopeless, isolated, and even helpless. And when you have a small group of friends (or no friends), it can feel so alone. You think, “Well, if nobody likes to hang out with me, am I even worth anything?” The feelings of self-hatred can burn so strongly in these moments of grief and despair. My heart weeps for those who feel this way—because I was in the same place too once. Know that there is hope. There is always hope, through a loving God, who created a perfect plan just for you. Trust in that plan, trust that he loves you infinitely, without bounds.
You suffered neglect
If you were neglected as a child or adolescent by a parent or sibling, or even as an adult by a spouse, then you can begin to believe that nobody cares about you. You begin to think that because you’ve been so neglected, that
Someone took advantage of you
Whether you were the victim of abuse or a victim of the system (government, school, etc), someone somewhere down the line took advantage of you, making you feel weak, hopeless, helpless, and unwanted. It’s not fair, you think. Why do all these bad things happen to me? The conclusion comes up that you probably deserve it, or that you have no worth so of course it would happen to you. That’s not true though. You were a victim to someone else’s inappropriate behavior, but you still have worth. You are still a beautiful daughter of a King.
Your needs weren’t met
If you didn’t have the basic necessities of life growing up (shelter, food, clothes), then you might think that nobody cares about you, so why should you care about yourself? This simply isn’t true though. YOU can be the chain in your family that breaks off the cycle of poverty, of abuse, of neglect. You CAN have your needs met. As you continue to work hard and keep your eyes focused on the light, you can do it.
You’re not where you want to be (physically, mentally, etc)
Sometimes the struggle is just SO REAL in trying to reach your dreams. Whether you’re trying to lose weight, be more patient, or just be kinder to yourself, when you fail, it’s easy to get frustrated at YOU. But here’s the thing. You’re trying! Some people don’t even make it to the step of trying. Every try is a step in the right direction. And every fail is an opportunity to learn. You got this sister!
How to Stop it + Start LOVING yourself more
When Hawaii locals would say to me, “Is all good,” sometimes I’d feel a little infuriated. “They obviously haven’t been through or seen what I’ve seen…” I’d say in my head. As someone who survived abuse and poverty, I realized, however, that I could MAKE things “all good.” I could even make things BETTER. I was in control of my life, and I could choose how to react to things and how to start believing in myself.
And you can too. You have full control of your life, and you can start believing in yourself more. To start loving yourself more, you need to first recognize the source of your dislike. What is the honest reason you dislike yourself so much? Read through the reasons above and take time to ponder your life, your purpose, and how all of your experiences have molded you. Then, recognize and process the reasons you don’t like yourself. Will you let these reasons affect you for the rest of your life? Or will you let go of the negativity and recognize that you have an infinite and divine worth, and that you can reach whatever dreams you want?
Once you make your decision, live by it. Recognize that you can do it! Our trials and hardships are events in life, not life itself. Start loving yourself a little more by giving yourself credit for even the smallest successes. Celebrate the gift of your life. You are so loved and so worthy. I hope you can start loving yourself more this year and experience even more joy!
The holidays should be a time of gratitude, reflection, and light… but for most of us it can also be a time of extreme holiday stress, especially because of all the expectations: gift giving, hosting parties, going to parties, giving treats to the neighbors, getting together with family, etc… It can feel pretty horrible when there’s family drama going on too (trust me, I’ve been there and get it).
While there’s the rush and bustle in the stores, and the unmerciful marketing strategies telling you to “buy this” or “buy that,” the simplicity of the holidays disappear—even a homemade gift makes you feel like a failure.
But it doesn’t have to be that way. You CAN avoid the holiday stress and actually enjoy the season! When you take good care of yourself, you’re better able to help others—and enjoy it too! Christmas doesn’t have to be a burden. With some planning and simple strategies, you can avoid the holiday stress this year!
1. Remember the reason for the season
When you really pause and remember WHO we are celebrating at Christmas time, it can change your whole perspective. As you admire and reflect on the birth of Jesus Christ, you can add so much light to your life. The hustle and bustle, the pressure, and the stress all become silent when you focus on Christ.
2. Limit social time
If you tend to feel drained after being around people, it’s a good idea to limit your social time. The holidays are full of parties and get-togethers. Give yourself permission to NOT have to attend each one, and only do what you can handle.
3. Use a planner
Instead of trying to remember everything, use a planner to organize your life and thoughts. I created the Holiday Self Care Planner to stay organized, keep up my routines, and just take care of myself, especially during the cold of the winter. You can use this planner or others to alleviate the stress and free up your mind.
4. Snuggle up with a loved one
Take a breather and snuggle up with your spouse, a furry friend, or your boyfriend/girlfriend. Just being close to another living soul brings perspective, peace, and even joy back into you.
5. Prioritize your time
Ask yourself, what do I REALLY want to get done? It’s so easy to get distracted from the things that matter most. Instead of rushing all over the place to buy gifts or food, ask yourself what you really want this Christmas, then intentionally follow through with your answers.
6. Serve more
When we lift the burdens of others, our own burdens are lifted too. Serving doesn’t have to be something huge, although volunteering and donating are wonderful ways to give. Service can be as simple as visiting a friend, texting a loved one, smiling, or showing gratitude.
7. Forgive others
Family and friends can get on your nerves during the holidays. Well, nobody is perfect so this holiday season try to intentionally forgive others. If someone says something rude, ungrateful, or sarcastic, make an intentional choice to forgive them.
8. Be grateful
This is such a simple tip, but taking a moment to thank someone sincerely (even strangers like cashiers at the stores, etc), writing a gratitude list, or saying a prayer of gratitude will fill your heart with joy.
9. Treat yourself
It’s so easy to let self-care slip during the holiday season. Healthy eating disappears, routines go out the window, and basic self care just doesn’t happen. Be intentional with taking care of yourself during the holidays. Winter blues and holiday stress can hugely impact your mental and physical health. Try a 30-day Self Care Challenge or put the Simple Self Care Checklist somewhere you can see it.
10. Write lists
I’ve always been a fan of lists. When you write lists, you are able to organize your thoughts better. I used to write a lot of “Control” lists because my life felt so out of control. Other list ideas are fears, wants, needs, gratitude, etc. To clear your mind, write lists on your phone, a napkin, just about anything you can write with.
11. Find beauty
If you’re too busy, the beauty of the winter season can slip right by. Find beauty in the lights, the snow, and the decorations. I’ve never been a great Christmas decorator so I appreciate the efforts of others with their lights and themed decorations. I also really appreciate the beauty and magic of fresh snow.
12. Be patient
Know that the holiday/winter season is just that… it’s a season. It passes. There’s a quote that says life is meant to be enjoyed, not just endured. However, if there are some moments that you need to just “endure,” give yourself grace and love in these times.
13. Don’t compare yourself with others
When you’re looking at social media, the marketing at stores, or even your neighbors, you might start to compare your holiday season with theirs. Know that your Christmas/holiday season and experience is unique to you and that your life and timeline is completely different. Also remember that instead of feeling jealousy, you can intentionally choose to feel happy for others. Sure, you’re not where they are, but know that your journeys are different.
14. Keep it simple
I don’t know about you, but it stresses me out majorly when things get complicated. You don’t have to attend every social gathering, do all the traditions, or spend tons of money. I’ve found that the simpler you keep things, the traditions, gifts, and season become much more meaningful.
15. Budget
Budgeting is super underrated (and sometimes not even done!) during the holidays, and people end up spending way too much money at Christmas time. With the pressure, the hustle, and the merciless marketing, it’s easy to feel like you owe everyone something. Even if you buy little things for everyone, it definitely adds up. Limit the holiday stress by setting a budget and keeping your commitments to that budget.
Conclusion
I hope you can find more peace and less stress this holiday season by applying at least one or some of these tips. Joy isn’t something that is beyond your reach, even in the cold, the busy-ness, and the hustle of the holidays. As you take a deep breath, refocus, and center yourself on the real reason for the season, your capacity to love and serve increases, and you can create paradise right where you are.
Wishing you a very merry Christmas and joyful new year!
What would it feel like to be a happier person this next year? It’s easy to look back at 2019 and think, “Dang… It was a rough year…” or you might be pulling your hair, saying, “I had WAY too much going on this year!” Either way, the end of the year brings a lot of self-reflection.
You can’t change the things that happened in 2019, but you can look forward to 2020, a year to start fresh. It’s new beginnings, one of my favorite things. There’s no limit to the amount of happiness you can have in this life, so why not make 2020 your happiest year?
The following tips are ways I’ve used to be a happier person and by applying some (or all) of these ideas, expect to be a more joyful/happier person in 2020!
1.Be grateful
Never underestimate the power of gratitude. Instead of looking at the things you lack, look at the things you have. Make more efforts to express gratitude, whether you have a goal of expressing thanks to someone daily, keeping a gratitude journal, or making weekly gratitude lists.
2. Set goals + work towards them
New Years Resolutions are the best way to become a happier person. When you truly work towards something that brings you life, your motivation increases and you actually look forward to each day.
3. Dream big
When you set your goals for the new year, dream big. There’s nothing wrong with the childlike wonder of dreaming big and taking action steps to do what you always wanted to do! If you don’t dream big, what do you have to look forward to? So if you always wanted to take a vacation to Hawaii or see the Eiffel tower, dream big and make it a goal! Make plans to get yourself there and as you work diligently towards your dreams, you will enjoy the journey!
4. Change up little things (like morning/evening routines)
If you’ve felt like you’ve been stuck in a rut this past year, change up little things, like your morning and evening routine. Or if you’re not very organized, change things up and get a planner for the new year. If you don’t have routines or systems, 2020 is a great time to start! Daily, consistent, little changes will add up over time and make big changes in your life.
5. Be consistent with a morning/evening routine
Following up with the last tip… be consistent. If you haven’t developed a morning/evening routine, 2020 is your time to shine. You don’t have to get up at 5:30 right away, but work your way up to the time you want to wake up. Keeping these small commitments to yourself helps you build trust with yourself and increases productivity, confidence, and creativity.
6. Celebrate small victories
Let me just say you’re already doing great! The fact that you are even reading this shows that you’re working on improving yourself and seeking more joy in your life. Celebrate the small victories: getting up on time, working out, smiling at someone, making yourself pretty for the day, etc…
7. Stay healthy + make it fun
If you weren’t able to reach your health goals this year, you have a chance at it next year. 🙂 I’ve found that in order to stay healthy, you gotta make it fun. I’m a runner so I enjoy blasting my music and going for a run—it makes me feel really good. But I know so many women who love Zumba or High Fit. So find the workout that makes you sweat but is also fun!
8. Drink more water
This is self-explanatory, but do your body + skin + health a favor by drinking enough water. If you need to, put it on your daily to-do list so you don’t forget.
9. Try something new (hobby)
Is there something you always wanted to do? Like learn a language or pick up a new skill? When you dream big and set your goals, don’t forget to add in these little things to try. Doing new things will help you enjoy life more!
10. Plan a fun vacation
Always wanted to travel? Plan something fun for the year! Work it with your budget and then go for it—there is no better time to travel than now! The world is waiting for you!
11. Become a budget master
With all of your big dreams and traveling, you might need some $$$ to get around! There are so many awesome apps, books, and blogs to help you get started with budgeting. The more control you have over your money, the better you’ll feel this year!
12. Journal more
You don’t have to write in your journal for the big moments only… you can write little things each day. How did you feel? What did you learn? Who did you meet? What are you grateful for? Writing our thoughts + experiences improves our memory and helps us feel more gratitude in our daily lives.
13. Go on more dates
Whether you’re married or single, you can be a happier person in 2020 by going on more dates! Get together with a bunch of friends and do something fun, or plan a romantic dinner with your loved one. Going on dates helps rekindle friendships and love. It also keeps things interesting!
14. Read inspirational books (maybe one a month?)
Let this be your year of growth and learning by reading more books, especially inspirational ones. Self help books and memoirs can enhance your perspective and help you enjoy life. I set a goal to read at least one book a month but set a goal according to your needs and lifestyle. Some of my favorite books to get started with are “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People” and “Managing with Aloha.”
15. Unfollow negativity (people, politics, etc)
Detox your social media accounts by unfollowing anything that lowers your vibe: sarcasm, porn, bullying, etc. If it’s not giving you light, it’s not worth following.
16. Be more spiritual + connect more with God
Let 2020 be your year to connect more with God. Setting goals to do daily prayer and scripture study can open your heart to greater love, understanding, and wisdom.
17. Be positive + optimistic
The next time you’re driving or talking to someone, listen to your thoughts and words. Are they negative—towards yourself or others? Are you belittling yourself or complaining? Make a conscious effort to retrain your words and mind. You’ll be surprised at the results.
18. Avoid sarcasm + gossiping
Similar to the previous tip, just be positive. Sarcasm and gossiping or two of the lowest kinds of energy—in fact, it sucks away the good energy instead of contributes. Sarcasm comes from the Greek word “sarkazein,” which means to “tear flesh.” Even if you’re just “being sarcastic,” there is still truth to your words. Someone could truly hurt from the words you say, so make an effort to avoid sarcasm and gossiping. You will be a much happier person if you do this.
19. Reorganize your space every couple of months
Sometimes we get stuck in the same routine, so do yourself a favor and change up your space every couple of months. It’s especially fun to do this in the beginning of the year, but don’t forget to do it throughout. Change up your bed comforter and pillow sheets to a different color, reorganize your office desk, or change up the decoration in the living room. Whatever you decide to do, intentionally reorganize to help keep you charged and unstuck.
20. Stop comparing
How many of us compared our lives with others this last year? I’m totally guilty of this so give yourself grace and make a decision not to compare yourself with others in the new year. Listen to your thoughts as you scroll through your social media and be very conscious with them. If you find yourself comparing, you can consciously be happy for others, take a break from following, or take a break from social media in general.
21. Get unstuck
If you’ve felt stuck in 2019, you’re not alone. Making decisions, getting through the daily routines, or just dealing with things in life can be very difficult. Start the year off right by getting unstuck.
22. Create paradise wherever you are
Know that you can be happy right where you are—even if you’re not in your dream location, your dream job, or have attained your dream lifestyle. There’s wisdom in enjoying the journey, not just enduring. If you’re not sure how to create paradise where you are, I’ve written a mini ebook about how to do just that! And it’s FREE. 😉
23. Come from a place of love
We, as women, are too hard on ourselves. For every mistake, every accident, every slip-up, we criticize and belittle ourselves. This year, make a conscious decision to come from a place of love. Have grace and patience with yourself. You are doing better than you think. Check out this article to learn more about coming from a place of love/aloha:
Always wanted to paint a masterpiece or write a book? Have you wanted to get into singing or started a business? When you allow yourself to be creative, you develop perspective and a new zest for life. Allow yourself to be creative and you’ll find you are a much happier person.
Plan outdoor activities for the year. You can even make a bucket list of hikes or outdoor places you’d like to visit. The nice thing is that you don’t have to go very far to be outside… you can literally walk outside your door. Anything that gets you into the fresh air counts!
26. Turn off unnecessary notifications
If your phone has taken over your life, take a few minutes to go into the settings and turn off the notifications for certain apps. Prioritize your time, meaning that you DON’T have to reply to or check an email or text the second it arrives. Set aside time to do these tasks.
27. Change up your playlists
Start the new year with a fresh, new playlist of songs. Allow yourself to get pumped and excited for all the amazing things you want to do this year, but don’t forget to switch it up often so that you don’t get stuck!
28. Volunteer more
Christ said that we find ourselves when we lose ourselves in service. If you want to be happier in 2020, one of the greatest way to do this is to serve others. Doing something good for someone else will boost your self-esteem, increase your capacity to love, and just help you feel good all around.
29. Take better care of yourself
If you’ve never had a self care planner, now is a great time to invest in one. Tracking your mood, crossing off simple checklists, and even tracking your period is all made easier with a self care planner! You can even try changing things up with 30-day self care challenges.
30. Do something you always wanted to do!
Going back to dreaming big, let this be the year where you do something you always wanted to do! Being a happier person is doing those things that help us fulfill our purpose on this earth. When you finally start doing those things, your life suddenly takes on more meaning, and you feel peace and satisfaction from God and within yourself.
Conclusion
So there you have it! As you apply these tips, know that 2020 is full of promise, excitement, and love for you. I am so looking forward to hearing about all of the amazing things you have planned ahead. In the comments below, let us know some of your 2020 goals and the tips you’d like to try to be a happier person!
Sending lots of aloha + good vibes for a successful new year,
When the sun rises later and sets earlier, the air is crisp and cold, and the indoors is the only safe and warm place to be, you know it’s winter. And… when winter comes, so does winter blues.
For most of us, winter blues isn’t something you just “know” you have. It comes on slowly, with lingering feelings of sadness, low energy, and lack of motivation. These feelings can be intensified as your time with family and friends during the holidays just doesn’t seem to lighten you up. Sometimes, it might just make you feel worse.
Winter Blues = Low Energy, Depression, Stress
When winter comes around, I tend to become less social, more negative, and depressed + stressed… NOT fun or a happy way to live for at least 3 months of the year. So I created some simple strategies to help me get out and beat the winter blues. Once I started doing these things, I found that I was more positive, had more energy, and didn’t stress as much.
Check out this list and pick out a few to try. And remember to come from a place of love. Have patience with yourself and choose strategies that you can implement into your routine for a happier, healthier, more colorful YOU. Let’s beat the winter blues naturally!
1. Dress warm
Did you know that just wearing the right clothes can make a HUGE difference? When I first moved to Utah, I was a poor girl from Hawaii and I didn’t have winter coats or anything warm really. I invested in some cheap (but stylish) boots and jacket, but I HATED winter because I always felt so cold. It wasn’t til after I got married that I invested in WARM winter clothes—the boots that actually keep your toes warm, and the jacket that blocks out the cold… So do yourself a favor and invest the first time. It’s totally worth it and allows you to get out more!
2. Stay hydrated + get enough sleep
Doing the basics of self care goes a long way. I carry a water flask with me and know that in one day I need to drink and refill it three times. I also try to drink a lot in the morning, which helps get my body energized and hydrated for a good day. Set reminders for yourself if needed.
Try to get enough sleep. It’s easy to stay up late because the sun goes down at 5 and before you know it, it’s 11pm and you should get some sleep. So try to follow a sleep schedule. Set alarms if you need to. When you wake up (if it’s before the sun), turn on a light to help your body feel more awake. We use a Himalayan Salt Lamp, which gives off a cozy, warm glow—a gentle way to light up the room and wake up.
3. Keep busy
This. Is. Huge.
Plan your days so that you have stuff going on—not crazy stuff like going out everyday, but little things like setting aside time to clean the house, take a nap, go on a walk, try a new hobby, cook food… keeping yourself busy helps alleviate the winter blues.
4. Get outdoors + natural lighting
Put those warm winter clothes on and get outside! You’ll be surprised at how refreshing the air feels. If you can get outside when there is sun, do it. If you’re at a job where you work when it’s dark and get out when it’s dark, try to take breaks and find a window or get outside for a second. At my workplace, I take little breaks from my desk and walk to the glass doors to feel the natural sunlight pouring through. Getting into natural light is one of the best ways to beat winter blues, and it feels SO good!
5. Find opportunities to be cozy/comfortable (like by a fireplace, etc)
I’m not the only one who likes the idea “hygge,” the Danish concept of coziness and warmth. Hygge is all about enjoying the present moment. It’s finding comfort and warmth in life, home, and relationships. So cuddle up with a loved one and get cozy! Find reasons to enjoy the present moment.
6. Clean/organize your space
While it’s snowing outside, it’s a great time to clean the house. A lot of people like to do spring, summer, and/or fall cleaning, but what about winter cleaning? It’s a great time to empty out the closets and see what stuff has been sitting there for years. Also, who knows what things you’ll find that you can donate? Knowing that you can help someone else out is a win win!
Winter is also a great time to reorganize your space. Does your office or living room need a face lift? Start designing your projects and ideas during the winter—it’s the perfect time to be indoors, browse pinterest, make projects, and get inspired!
7. Eat healthy + exercise
This goes back to the second strategy, but try to stick to a routine. With the holidays comes the consumption of sugar, cookies, and delicious foods which can leave you feeling even more blue. To avoid this, stick to a routine of healthy eating and exercise. Of course you can eat the holiday goodies, but try to eat healthier and exercise in general so that you don’t feel guilty about the fatty stuff. If you need some help getting a workout schedule set up, check out this holiday bundle.
8. Treat yourself (to a bubble bath, spa night, hair care, etc)
Plan something fun for yourself! Don’t you just feel tickled pink when you get a new haircut, a bubble bath, or some new makeup? You don’t have to spend tons of money, but doing something kind for your body just feels good!
9. Be intentional with social activities
It seems that the quality of relationships are intensified during the holidays: shaky relationships can feel worse, some relationships can be strengthened… For those who are single or alone—or who went through a family change that year (divorce, death, etc)—can especially feel the strain of grief during the holiday season. To help with mental health and overall wellness, be intentional with social activities. If you feel it would be helpful to go to a social event, then totally go. But if you feel like it would make things worse, have grace with yourself.
10. Read inspirational + positive books
When it’s cold and gloomy outside, it’s a great time to get into a good book! Read books that will raise your vibe—adventure stories, self-help books, inspirational/Christian books, etc. Allow the lessons learned from these books to inspire and uplift you.
11. Plan your strategies ahead of time (with a planner)
Winter means getting out that planner and intentionally scheduling what strategies you’ll use to beat the winter blues. For example, if you’re going to work when it gets dark and leave when it’s dark, schedule some breaks in the day to get into the natural light (like in strategy #4). If you have a day off, schedule some fun things to do to stay happy, warm, and cozy!
12. Learn a new skill/craft/hobby
It doesn’t have to be expensive, but creativity can help you find a zest and joy for life. There’s a feeling of satisfaction, freedom, and beauty in creating something. Find ideas on pinterest or learn something you always wanted to learn—even if that’s a new language (Duolingo for the win!).
13. Express gratitude + find beauty in the cold
Write a gratitude list and every once in a while, say prayers of gratitude. They don’t have to be long or fancy, but gratitude can raise your energy and help you appreciate what you have, rather than what you lack. It can also help you find beauty in the cold: the sparkling white blankets of snow, the way a snowflake looks when it falls from the sky…
14. Create a Winter Bucket list + make it fun
Have you made a bucket list before? Make a little list for yourself of things you’d enjoy doing, then go out and do them! Plan with friends, loved ones, or yourself!
15. Take care of your skin + lips
Keeping your skin and lips hydrated can make a huge difference. When your fingers and lips feel cracked and dry, it just doesn’t feel good. Treat yourself to some lovely smelling lotion and chapstick and apply as needed. 😉
16. Listen to good music
Totally into Frozen 2 right now, but put the headphones in and sing along, listen, dance to, and just enjoy your choice of music. This can also be paired up with strategy #5 to get cozy and warm!
17. Take vitamins
I’m all about healing and recovering naturally, so for a while I felt like vitamins weren’t a natural method. However, there are plenty of great vitamins out there to give you that little extra boost—and that are totally natural! For me, winter blues comes on because I don’t get as much Vitamin D (the vitamin we get from absorbing natural sunlight), so the vitamins help! I’m not a medic or professional though, so see your doctor if you have questions.
18. Get into a morning and/or evening routine
The routine really helps with winter, especially the morning and evening routine! With the natural light rising so late and setting so early, having a morning/evening routine helps regulate your body’s rhythm and gets you into a better mood. You feel more accomplished and settled with a morning/evening routine.
19. Plan a trip
You can plan a trip for the new year, or do a little getaway nearby. Just planning something “out” of where you are can boost your mood!
20. Be kind to yourself + cut yourself some slack
Holidays are stressful with family and money… So my last tip is to give yourself grace. We all fall short, we all feel down sometimes, and we all have to go through hard times… but remember that life is meant to be enjoyed, not just endured. Show yourself kindness and know that the winter will pass–enjoy it for the moment and make the most of it!
Now go get it!
So there you have it! 20 ways to beat the winter blues naturally! I want to end by sending aloha and good vibes your way—you can do it! The strategies I’ve listed here can really help you start feeling more peace and less stress. However, don’t feel ashamed to seek professional help if you feel more depressed and exhausted than usual. Do what is best for you.
Sending lots of love and hope this holiday season,
When life feels dark, overwhelming, and hopeless, we just want to sit in the corner, hug our knees, and have a good cry. The last thing we can remember is how to be happy. And the thing is, we all want to be happier—and not the temporary happiness from a bowl of ice cream or a good vent to a friend or spouse—but lasting happiness.
So how can you be happy, especially in the darkest times? In the times where you can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel?
There are 3 strategies you can use in these moments of overwhelming grief and sadness… even when things are so hard, and you have every reason to grumble, stomp your feet on the ground, and exclaim, “IT ISN’T FAIR!”
Sometimes life just isn’t fair, but there is always light. There is ALWAYS hope. Here are the 3 strategies you can use to be happy amidst all the stress, the depression, and the darkness.
Put God first
This is the first and absolute key to lasting happiness. I’ve heard people tell me before that God is a priority, but do their actions reflect that? How do you make him a priority?
Daily, consistent actions show your effort and desire to make him first. For example, reading the scriptures and praying everyday shows a great deal of effort to be closer to him. When you wake up in the morning, do you reach for your phone and scroll through social media, or do you get on your knees and acknowledge that you need His help that day?
Do you take the time to ponder and reflect on life’s most important things—the relationships in your life, the way you’re spending your time, the people you could serve? Or do you put “mindless” activities first, or things to keep you “busy”?
How would putting God first really benefit me?
You recognize the things that matter most, and begin to see that God’s plan is more beautiful, more perfect, and more grand than you ever imagined. Even when things feel unfair or depressing, your heart will be filled with gratitude for the gift of life, the gift of another day…
I found that when I focused on God, he placed people in my life to uplift and support me. Sometimes these were complete strangers. Back in Hawaii, as I went through some hard things, I met so many amazing individuals and families. I felt in my heart that God was looking out for me. He was lifting my burdens through others and even myself. I know the same can happen for you. When you put him first, you feel his love, discover your divine worth, and begin to see his grand plan for you. Whenever I look back at that difficult time in my life, I see God there helping me every step of the way. Acknowledge his hand, put him first, and he will “direct thy paths.”
Live with purpose
When hard times come, it might feel like your purpose is lost in the fray. I know this because even I lost sight of my purpose for a while. I felt that my purpose was to pick up the pieces and fix the mess that my dad left behind. I didn’t even think I could be a happier person.
But I remember talking to one of my best friends, and she said: “You have to take care of yourself too, you know.” Then it hit me… Amidst all the stress, the pain, and the frustration I’d lost sight of my purpose.
I immediately started doing things to take better care of myself and live with purpose. I spent my mornings at the beach in meditation, prayer, and relaxation. These moments helped me de-stress and find peace in Christ, in nature, and even in myself. #iloveseaturtles
I started writing in my journal even more—recording all my thoughts and ideas. I even started writing a new fantasy book. These were things I loved doing and that helped me feel like I was fulfilling my creative purpose in life.
Discovering Your Purpose
If you’re not sure what your purpose is, go back to the first step and focus on God. He’ll show you what you’re here for. As you grow closer to him, you discover your unique strengths and peace you never knew was possible. Your efforts to be a happier person will come more easily and naturally.
Be intentional in the things you do
If you want to be a happier person, live with intention. Difficulties tend to fog the most important things. For example, financial burdens cause tons of stress and in the midst of that stress, a single mom might use a tone or say something to a child she wouldn’t normally say. Or a 9-5 single working woman might leave work on a Friday night and realize she has no plans—nobody has reached out and she feels so alone. Or basements flood, cars break down, life happens.
These hard times and stresses cause some of life’s darkest moments… the moments of hopelessness, of fear, of failure, of loneliness…
What do you do in these times, when it seems that there is no hope, that there isn’t even the slightest chance of being a happier person?
Intention is key.
Is your intention to continue progressing in your life, despite the difficulties, or to stump your progress by complaining? Many times, our trials in life are caused by the actions of others (like abuse, financial stresses, etc), but control what you can.
When I was alone on Friday nights, I’d make a plan—something that would get my creative juices flowing because that brings me joy—and then I’d follow through. I didn’t just go home and turn on Youtube or a TV show to watch mindlessly. I did something to work towards a better future and a better me.
What about the financial stresses, the accidents, the meltdowns? It’s ok to have a breakdown—every person has their moments. But be intentional—know that it will pass. Stand up, wash your face, come from a place of love and grace, make things right (especially if you lashed out at a loved one), and commit to do better.
You got this sis
I know that the things I’ve outlined here are far easier said than done. But remember, it’s SO worth it! If you truly desire to be a happier person, these three strategies will help you get there. In the comments below, I’d love to here some things you do to be a happier person. 🙂 You deserve to be happy! I am here, cheering you on and sending all the aloha vibes that I can!
As a creative, does your head start spinning in excitement at the idea of a new project? For a few days (or weeks even!) you’re thinking up ideas and fleshing out the details of your next project. These moments are exhilarating and bring great satisfaction to life. Sometimes, you might be daydreaming forever, and being able to see your results in person is truly rewarding.
Then there are those times where the creative juices stop flowing… it’s like you’re stuck. The ideas don’t come, the inspiration stops… Days, weeks, or even months go by before you touch or start a project.
Or, perhaps, you’ve never been the creative type but would like to become one. The following ideas will inspire and help you become a more creative person. It’ll also help the creative mind get unstuck!
Be full of wander
Let your heart be inspired by the beauty of the world around you. When you intentionally seek inspiration, you will find it. “Wanderlust” has been described as the desire to wander, or travel. Get outside your comfort zone and explore the beautiful scenes of nature.
Your way of wandering might be similar—or it might be different. The awesome thing is that YOU get to decide how to be full of wander.
Appreciate the little things
A huge part of creativity is learning to appreciate the little things. Being full of gratitude for an act of kindness, the comfort of a home, the technology available to us, etc will foster creativity. Sometimes, our most creative moments come from the times we lack resources. Having an attitude of gratitude means being grateful for the things and time you do have. I remember not having much growing up—especially during high school. I would feel the stress rise when m teachers assigned us a creative project and I thought of all the materials I didn’t have to do it…
But then I always turned it around and used what I had in the house. Honestly, my projects never looked as beautiful or perfect as my classmates’ who bought things from the store, but I was always so proud of myself for being resourceful and using what I had. I just appreciated that my mind could even get creative even if my projects weren’t ideal.
Developing these skills helped me later on: Blending colors to make the right color for a painting, using the skills and words I knew for writing a book, etc…
Gratitude helps us be more resourceful, creative, and inspired. I am a firm believer that when you show forth your effort to be creative and use what you have, God will help you. The very fact that you started shows your effort. “God helps those who help themselves.”
Be more childlike
Do you know what the difference is between a childish and a childlike person? I read a book, “Further Up & Further In: Understanding Narnia” by Joseph Pearce that explained it perfectly:
“The childlike grow up gracefully; the childish grow old disgracefully. The childlike mature; the childish merely wither. The childlike are happy to grow old; they desire the settled tranquility of the sagacious fruits of experience. The childish wish to stay young; they desire eternal youth and are tempted to life about their age. In this sense, children are not childish but childlike. They want to grow up, and the sooner the better. A five-year-old is never five years old, she’s always five and a quarter, or five and a half, or nearly six!”
The goal is to be more childlike. We want to keep growing and maturing, but we never want to lose our sense of wonder. We want to learn and gain experience, but we never want to lose grace for ourselves or others.
Developing the strength of being childlike fosters creativity. It helps us to keep growing and gaining experience, but stay humble and teachable at the same time.
Observe more (people watch)
Have you ever read a book or watched a movie that seemed so true to real life that you thought to yourself, “Wow they GET it!” That’s because the writers and directors DO get it! Creative people are naturally curious and learn many things from observing others.
If you’ve never sat and people-watched in busy places such as a mall, street, or airport, you should try it! You’ll be surprised by the things you learn just from observation. You’ll see the beauty of humanity with the random acts of kindness, the gentle gestures. You’ll also see the ugliness of humanity with the impatience and anger. This has sparked tons of creativity for me.
I’ve also learned a lot from observing the people in my family. I’ve analyzed their actions (not in a creepy way) and asked myself, “Why did they do that?” I watched my parents and extended family carefully to see their true motives and how culture, tradition, upbringing, and life experiences affected their character and decisions. All of this helped me mold characters for my books.
Artists analyze the way things move so they can better draw, sketch, or paint things. Quilters find patterns and textures in nature or buildings to help them design quilt tops. Song writers listen carefully to the words people use and find ways to use those very words in their songs…
So whatever your creative path (a writer, composer, artist, dancer, etc) observe more to get inspiration and be more creative.
Get out in nature
Another way to be more creative is to get outside. Like wandering, when you get out in nature, you have a chance to connect with something greater than yourself. When I lived in Hawaii, I’d get a lot of inspiration from the ocean, the sound of the rain, the sound of the wind blowing through the ohia trees. My siblings and I would sometimes lie a blanket on the road in front of the house and stargaze, identifying and making up different constellations. I just loved being outside and visiting different parts of the Big island, like Volcano National Park. Whenever I went there, I felt a quiet and peace not available anywhere else. I felt connected with God.
Nature also reflects our moods, teaching valuable lessons. You might observe the behavior of a certain animal or plant and realize it teaches an important life lesson. I remember observing the sea turtles every morning. I’d watch them swim slowly, gracefully, then bob up to greet me. They had such gentle spirits and I felt that. I also felt that they had years of experience—sometimes beyond their actual ages. These experiences inspired me in many ways—intellectually, emotionally, spiritually, and mentally.
Brain Dump
Sometimes we just need to get all the headspace stuff onto a piece of paper. I’ve found that when I lack creativity, just writing helps—whether I’m writing in a journal or scribbling on a notepad—the very act of doing what I love inspires me. Sometimes we get stuck because just haven’t done something we love for the fun of it. We need to take that pressure off.
Whether you’re a composer, musician, dancer, quilter, architect, etc just do a brain dump for fun—don’t pressure yourself. Let the ideas just flow, even if they seem silly. Get it all out, take a break, then return and see if anything you did from your brain dump inspires you.
Use a Planner
If you have an idea for a creative project but don’t know how to get started or how to go about planning it, download my FREE Creative’s Planner. It is packed with useful sheets to help you stay organized and complete your creative projects. Check it out below!
The Planner for Creatives
We need YOU
I love being creative. It has helped me enjoy and appreciate the beauty of life in so many ways. And please know that YOUR creativity is needed… whether you want to invent the next big thing, start a new hobby, or complete a creative project, we need your unique skills and strengths. So please use this list to help spark some ideas. You got this! In the comments below, I’d love to know what are some things you do to get creative.
Whether you’re new a newlywed or married for years, you’ve probably learned that it’s vital to continually strengthen your marriage. As girls, we all dreamed of the “happily ever after” we saw in fairy tales. The romance, the magic, and the adventure thrilled us. As a girl, I adored the relationship between Aragorn and Arwen from Lord of the Rings. I always thought to myself, I want to be in love with someone the way Arwen is in love with Aragorn. The very fact that she would give up her long life for him was so romantic. I’m sure you can think of a movie couple that you absolutely adored, whether it was Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy or Buttercup and Wesley, the list could go on…
And then you found your love, the person you want to be with forever. The magical feelings of romance and love entered your life and when you met that special someone, dated, and then finally got married, you knew you were in for a wild adventure.
Marriage isn’t easy—it definitely has its ups and downs… but mostly ups. I’ve been married for almost 2 years now and while some people might say I’m too “young” and “inexperienced” to be giving marriage advice, I’ll tell you a little bit about me… My parents divorced when I was a young adult, but from years of watching them, I could see what things made them grow apart. I also grew up around too many unhappy couples. From observation and experience, I learned the keys that make marriages happy and strong.
I feel so blessed to have this knowledge and know that these tips will help you—sometimes the results can be immediate! Whether you’re still on Cloud nine in your marriage, in the mundane of life, or drifting apart, try these keys to strengthen your marriage. You can still have your “happily ever after”!
Put God first
God will help you in your efforts to strengthen your marriage–in fact, just focusing on him will build trust between you and your spouse.
A lot of marriage advice out there says to put your spouse first. Yes, this is important to strengthen your marriage, but when you and your spouse put Christ in the center of your hearts and marriage, life is so much easier. I’ve found that when I focus on Christ, it’s easier to focus on what my husband needs.
In fact, I’m a kinder and more patient person when I focus on Christ. This is because Christ inspires us to do and be better. We also hold tight to the same standards of morality and conduct. We avoid doing things that would compromise our relationship with God—and that strengthens our trust and relationship with one another.
Of course I must add a word of warning with this: There is balance in all things. Putting God first doesn’t mean twisting spiritual truths or manipulation to get what you want. Let me illustrate: I knew a couple that began to drift from one another because one spouse became so involved in “deep doctrine” and did not share his thoughts or learning with his wife. He then used his “spiritual truths” to manipulate and twist things to his gain. So moral of the story: Put God first but don’t use it as an excuse or crutch to NOT take responsibility for your actions.
Make your marriage and time together a priority
Even when you have so little time together, you can strengthen your marriage with small, daily actions of love.
When was the last time you held your spouse’s hand? I have a difficult time sleeping in general, but it’s always so comforting when my husband takes my hand, even when he’s not even awake. In public spaces or at home, we hold hands. It’s such a small thing but makes a huge difference. And this is just a small example of the second key, which is to make your marriage and time together a priority.
With our busy schedules, we usually have only a couple of hours before bed together. These few hours are so valuable! Whether you are a full-time mom or full-time employee, treasure those few moments. These moments are vital to strengthen your marriage.
I’l be honest… sometimes those moments are filled with us resolving issues or talking about our relationship, but that also helps strengthen your marriage. One thing I’ve noticed with unhappy couples is that they live in the same house, sleep in the same house, eat in the same house… but they don’t spend quality time together, and, more importantly, they don’t communicate.
Don’t let your marriage fade away…
I’ve seen marriages turn mundane—the conversations going from deep thoughts and ideas to the daily tasks and schedules. It’s almost like a relationship journal turned into a relationship logbook.
Use those precious moments you have together to ask your spouse, “How are you doing today?” Each day brings new emotions and experiences, so be specific and genuine in your communication.
Also find little ways to show that your marriage is a priority: holding hands, leaving notes, smiling, doing an act of service, etc…
Here are more ideas to create more unity in your marriage:
Lokahi: 10 Ways to Be More United
Improving yourself + the control factor
It’s a hard truth, but YOU have more control over things than you realize, starting with yourself…
I’ve known couples where the wife is the sweetest person EVER and the husband is nice too but spends most of his time working or playing games. This is so difficult and heartbreaking for me to see because I truly want every woman to have her happily ever after. For situations when the husband is “too busy” to pay attention to his wife and their relationship (this can be on a minor or severe scale), there’s something you have to know…
So here is the truth: You can’t control your spouse. You can only control you.
I know that it’s hard to hear that sometimes. Some wives boss their husbands around until they get things done, some wives nag and complain, and some wives gossip about their husbands to their friends… these things eat away at marriage until the marriage is left in pieces.
Communication in the relationship is key to strengthen the marriage. Express to your spouse the things you’re struggling with and how they can help. If you’re not sure how they can help, ask if they’d be willing to listen—and then help them listen.
Know that you can only change you. I remember having this realization at a young age. My parents were neglectful sometimes, and that hurt a lot. Whenever I completed a creative project or wrote something I thought was impressive, they’d dismiss it. I’d feel completely worthless, rejected, and neglected. But then I realized something—I could decide how to feel. They couldn’t “make” me feel a certain way—surely my reactions and feelings were natural but I didn’t have to let those feelings linger. I could appreciate my own efforts and move forward, excelling in my writing and creative skills. This is a skill that helped me throughout my entire life, and even in marriage.
Sometimes your spouse may not always recognize your efforts and our natural reactions, especially as empaths and women, is to feel rejected, neglected in some way. Acknowledge your natural reactions but recognize what you can control. Could you communicate with your spouse and let them know how their actions made you feel? Could you continue to move forward? Control what you can and trust in God to help you know what to do.
Your Happily Ever After
Marriage truly is such a gift. It takes work, but that work is so rewarding. I’ve admired couples from afar as they’ve gone through hardships together, built their faith together, and reached their goals and dreams together.
With the inspiring examples in my life and faith in God, I know every girl can have her happily ever after. It’s totally possible for you sister. In the comments below, feel free to share some things you’ve done to strengthen your marriage!
With love,
Lei
I often talk about “coming from a place of love” in my articles and in my life. I figured since I talk about it so much, I should go into even more detail about what this means and how to do it.
Coming from a place of love sounds pretty self-explanatory. However, you’ll be surprised how many times I’ve invited people to come from a place of love, and instead they come from a place of fear.
There’s a scripture that says:
“Perfect love casteth out all fear.”
When we have love for others, ourselves, and God, we see things from a grander perspective. Instead of fearing change, the unknown, rejection, or other common fears of people, we see opportunity, progress, motivation, and adventure, to name a few.
Coming from a place of love puts you in a position of understanding, humility, compassion, and empathy. This is pure aloha. It basically means that you recognize fears for what they are: fears. You see that they can be overcome.
In most of my messages, I invite you to come from a place of love because when you do, you are gentler on yourself. You recognize that you have fears, weaknesses, and you make mistakes—but that isn’t the whole story. In fact, those are just pieces of the story that have helped mold you into who you are. You are an amazing, worthy, beautiful human being with the capacity to love, be loved, and to create change in your world and in the world of others.
When you come from a place of love, you show love for yourself and honor to God for his creation of the unique person of YOU. You recognize that hiccups and bumps happen all along this journey of life, but God still loves you—he always has and always will. You know that no matter your mistakes or weaknesses, he infinitely loves you—why else would he have created you? 😉
So whether you are doing a negativity detox or making an effort to show up in life, come from a place of recognize. See the big picture and recognize that this is just one part of your journey. You are a growing, progressing, and learning individual with the potential to fulfill the measure of your creation.
Negativity is a fact of life because we all experience negative thoughts at one point or another. It’s ok to have them, but if you continue to feed them they can turn into more serious problems like depression or anxiety. If you already have a mental illness then you know that negativity is the common plight—it’s as if it never seems to go away. I’ve found that doing a negativity detox really helped me overcome my depression and to this day it makes my life more enjoyable and satisfying.
When I choose positivity and remove the negativity, I reach my goals quicker because I’m more motivated, excited, and happy. I am more creative and I have more capacity to share light and serve others.
To do a negativity detox, I’ve outlined the simple steps here. To be completely honest, these “simple” steps are MUCH easier said than done. They might take time and practice, but with the intention to change, I know you can do it. I also invite you to come from a place of love. We are often too hard on ourselves, criticizing our every move. Instead of demeaning yourself for mistakes or weaknesses, come from a place of love in recognizing that there is always room for improvement and change. So read on to learn how to do a thorough negativity detox and invite the light and aloha back into your life!
Get grounded
Often we are in our own little headspace, so wrapped up in what’s going on up there that we can’t even focus on what’s really going on in reality. This usually occurs when we feel like we made a mistake, don’t look good, or have a personal weakness that’s hard to overcome.
First of all, you look great. 🙂 Secondly, we all make mistakes and we all have weaknesses—it’s just a fact of life. However, the problem comes when we start replaying our flaws over and over in our heads. We analyze our every move, our every intention…
It’s OK to evaluate yourself and seek to improve but it’s not ok to bash on yourself for it. Definitely make things right if you hurt someone, but from what I’m guessing, you’re like me and bash on yourself for the littlest things: “Did I say the right thing?” “Why did I wear that?” “I looked so stupid…”
The negative self talk can go on and on—I know it because I’ve been there! When you start getting trapped in the headspace, put both feet on the ground, take a deep breath, and then STOP. Consciously stop the negative thoughts right in their tracks.
Continue taking deep breaths. Allow the negative energy to leave your body and replace them with positive, affirmative sentences like, “You did your best out there” or “You look great” or “I learned a valuable lesson.”
Say whatever you need to get the positive energy back. Too often we take the magnifying glass and zoom up on our flaws and weaknesses. Let’s get grounded by taking conscious hold of the magnifying glass and viewing the good things we do.
Align with your purpose
Negativity loves it when we lack purpose. I remember, as a new piano teacher at a local music school, I learned a piano teaching method totally out of my comfort zone. My first few weeks of teaching were difficult. I felt unprepared and didn’t understand the WHY behind some of the piano methods and activities.
When our trainer came to town, we, the piano teachers, loaded him with questions about the curriculum and how it could possibly work. He finally paused us and asked, “Whenever you teach something to your students, ask yourself: ‘What is the purpose?’”
That made me think a lot. Because I didn’t know the purpose–the WHY– behind some of the class activities, it brought negativity in the feelings of uncertainty, insecurity, and discouragement. This also applies to our life. If we just go about everyday, not knowing what our purpose is, then how can we be happy? How can we feel meaningful and satisfied?
I’ve gotten into the habit of frequently asking myself, “How can I fulfill the measure of my creation?” I know that God created me for a reason, and that I have an influence to change the world… but I don’t always know how, so I listen to impressions I receive and follow through with them. I intentionally try to align with my purpose everyday.
I do things that feel right and will influence me in the long term. For me, these things include service, creativity, writing, exercising, and learning. Of course there are things that need to get done like laundry and dishes, but those also help me align with my purpose by providing a clean, organized space for me to create. The mundane tasks also help me to stay disciplined with time. As you align with your purpose, you feel the WHY behind your life and give reason to the things you do. This removes negativity as you finally hit your “feel good” spot, the point where you’re doing what you were created to do.
Collect + Create good energy
There is too much negative energy in the world. Hatred, anger, grudges, guilt… those are all negative feelings. Of course you can turn to Christ for repentance, but we can also learn to avoid the negativity in the first place.
I invite you to evaluate things in your life that bring bad energy. One very clear example of bad energy comes in the form of gossiping. Since I was a little girl, I hated gossip—hate is a very strong word, but I just absolutely loathed it, and I still do. Living in Hawaii, I could hear family gossiping in the kitchen about other family members.
They snickered and mocked appearances, living conditions, and lifestyle choices. I naturally distrusted them for this very reason. Growing up I avoided gossip at all costs. When friends or acquaintances started gossiping, I’d say something positive about the person they talked about and then change the subject.
The energy always changed when I changed the subject. It went from this dark, low, sickly form of energy to positive, empowering energy. There’s an old Cherokee story I heard a while ago that goes like this:
“A fight is going on inside me,” An old Cherokee man said to his grandson.
“It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil – he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.”
He continued, “The other is good – he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you – and inside every other person, too.”
The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, “Which wolf will win?”
The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”
I don’t think this needs much explanation—it beautifully illustrates exactly how I feel about creating and collecting good energy. I hope you have the wisdom to consciously choose wisely.
Have an attitude of gratitude
The scriptures frequently say to “pray always without ceasing,” and that seems like an exhausting thought. However, I’ve found that praying without ceasing can mean just having a prayer of gratitude in my heart. In my actions and thoughts, I can express tender appreciation for the many little things he’s given me.
If you need to, write lists of things you’re grateful for. Or, in your personal prayers, just do a full prayer of gratitude. You’ll be surprised at how an attitude of gratitude can help you rise above the negativity.
Surround yourself with good things
I am a fan of beautiful things like nature, poetic writing, and peaceful music. I also love being involved in good activities like service to my spouse, family, neighbors, church, community, and my online community (you!). When you surround yourself with positive, wholesome, uplifting people and activities, you become that. Make time to surround yourself with the wonderful and good things in life.
Watch your thoughts
Like the story about the Cherokee man and his grandson, we can choose our thoughts. Obviously we aren’t immune to things we just happen to experience, like seeing pornography on social media or surviving the abuse from someone else, but we can choose how we react to our experiences. Do you feed the things you’ve seen or experienced? Or do you to choose to let them go and continue forward?
Reliving past hurts can cause negativity too. It can truly stop your growth. I know too many people paralyzed by the pain of a breakup, a divorce, or a perceived failure. These life experiences hurt terribly, but don’t let that be your life story. Learn to rise above the negative thoughts and see things for what they really are. If you feel negatively towards someone, try sending good energy their way. Forgiveness is truly a gift from God.
Seek spirituality
I’ve found that my hope and happiness stem from my faith in Jesus Christ. Knowing who he is, learning about him, and constantly striving to follow his example has brought me the greatest satisfaction in life. If I intentionally seek spirituality, my life is so much better.
Having a morning routine of couple and personal prayer, scripture study, and exercise really gets me into the right mindset for the day. I feel empowered knowing that God loves and approves of me. I know the same can happen for you!
Find balance
Sometimes we become negative by doing too much or too little of something. For example, if we exercise too little, we can gain weight, causing lack of confidence… which leads to negativity towards ourselves. Another example is if we do too much of something—like scrolling through social media—then we become negative and even depressed anytime we can’t do it.
Addictions also cause a huge imbalance for the body and mind. Addiction to drugs, alcohol, pornography, or other degrading and harmful habits can truly degrade the soul and cause darkness in our lives. Addictions cause blindness to the things that matter most in life… because all a person can feel is their desire to have more of the addiction. If you need help with an addiction, I encourage you to seek help.
If your addiction is to something like social media, shopping, Netflix, or food, you can still seek help by getting an accountability buddy, someone who you can account to at the end of the day or week.
By overcoming addictions and finding balance in our lives, we have more capacity to see things from a grander perspective. We see that in order to remove negativity, we need a healthy balance in our lives.
In Conclusion
I know that by following these steps you can bring the positivity and good energy back into your life. These strategies have blessed my life, especially in believing and knowing that we create our destiny. No matter the life circumstances, trauma, mental illness, or abuse, the negativity doesn’t have to last forever. We can create our future by grounding ourselves, having an attitude of gratitude, aligning with our purpose, collecting good energy, seeking spirituality, surrounding ourselves with beautiful and good things, and finding balance.
I wish you love and light on your journey. If you want to join my little tribe of people seeking to improve themselves, be sure to hop onto my instagram @ladyleialoha!
Sending all love + good vibes,
Lei
P.S. If you want to do more for your wellness and positivity, I’ve created a free class to help you strengthen your character, improve relationships, and attain overall wellness! Click here to learn more!
E komo mai! 🌺 I am the author of Aloha State of Mind, a self help book that teaches you how to create paradise wherever you are. My blog, Naturally Aloha, focuses on all things Hawaii: culture, values, food, lifestyle, and more. I hope my writing inspires you to carry aloha with you everywhere! Learn more…
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